Our Own Petitelion Has Some Wisdom About How To Deal With Loneliness!!!
By: Lianna Giovannoni
It is highly improbable that anyone ever would decide to wake up one morning and declare to the universe to God “Let there be loneliness! Please God bless with the miracle of loneliness or ask for loneliness as they wish upon a star! Loneliness is not an item on anybodies “bucket list”( things they want to experience before they die) No loneliness is not one of those things that people find and are willing to die for or take an oath for ,devote their lives to. It is never included in a small child’s silent prayer before bedtime. There are no monuments, walls, plaques, etc. that have been erected in honor of loneliness, no encouraging or patriotic or devoted slogans for loneliness(Give me Loneliness or give me Death!LOL).Loneliness is relegated to stories and poems and those are referred to as tragedies or tragic poems.(Dictionary meaning: a medieval narrative poem or tale typically describing downfall of a someone. or a story,poem or play that ends in some misfortune., a serious drama typically describing a conflict between the protagonist and a superior force (as destiny) and having a sorrowful or disastrous conclusion that elicits pity or terror , the literary genre of tragic dramas, a disastrous event ( calamity misfortune). Yes, there are poems and stories etc. that use lonely or loneliness to describe something like the look of a tree or the sound of bird, like ” the only thing on this remote mountain were just clouds and lonely pines, or the only thing that could be heard in the dark was the lonely call of the owl”. The use of lonely or loneliness as a descriptor is probably one of it’s most positive attributes.
Loneliness is worse than sad. Sad is an integer to the formula of loneliness, such as sad+(bleakness/desolate/alone)= loneliness or sadness x 2=loneliness….in other words lonely has sad in it. It is a darkness that eats you from the inside out.
Alone is not lonely…Alone just means that you do not have company. Whereas lonely is an constant ache of absence, one that even if you are surrounded by people you feel isolated, alone, bleak, desolate, imprisoned by some invisible wall. Loneliness lays dormant in everyone of us waiting for the right catalyst to wake it up and begin to thrive and grow. There are an infinite amount of catalysts out there, as many as their are feeling creatures and beings in the universe. No one or no living feeling, thinking, being or creature is immune. Although some seem not to suffer from it’s grip as much but they do not have a complete immunity. I’ve even seen pets express loneliness and sorrow, like when on owner dies or when another of the household animals die or leave. I, personally watched with my pets this , we had a male and a female Siamese cats that were pretty much raised together, and when the slightly older male passed away,the female literally cried, would not eat, and even pulled out big patches of her own fur out. She would go each day for weeks to each of the heat register looking for him (for the last 3 years or so of the male cat Robert had a touch of arthritis and would lay on those to loosen his stiff muscles in the morning or when it was very cold weather) she would look for him and she would see he was not there, she would look up at me with such a sadness in her eyes and in her body language and she would let a sad wail that sounded almost like a young woman crying out in loneliness, despair. It was heart wrenching, she would not let anyone console her or touch her.
Loneliness can not only come from loosing someone thru death, or absence but from a perception that no one can understand or relate to you or that you don’t fit in for some perceived belief or story that you told yourself that somehow you are different or less than and that no one is there that wants or would desire to share life with you experiencing all of life’s ups and downs, no one to share the joys and sorrows, no one that would or could understand you or would share or care the same opinion as to what you consider significant. That there would no one to make memories with that you can share together later no one to enjoy the little things in life with. Sometimes when there is a loss of a person you life such as a life partner, husband/wife or a best friend that you shared all of those things with for a long time, when they are no longer in your life due to death or a breakup because of that loss and the grief that comes from that it may seem to you that you will never be able to find anyone to fill that space in life the void left from those kinds of loss can create such a deep grief that it creates a wall of despair and an over the top feeling alone. Because of that deep loss because of the grief a very pervasive and unique type of loneliness ensues and nothing or no one will be able to change that sense of aloneness the grief of the loss the darkness the sadness that is gripping you, except for going thru your grieving process and the healing effect of time.
Loneliness can also awaken and grow when you feel so different from those around you that you convince yourself to believe that there will never be anyone for you. You can experience and create a prison of loneliness when you perceive that an impenetrable barrier exists between you and everyone else due to language and/or cultural differences or you moved to a new area where you don’t know anyone or if you suddenly get ill or disabled or anything that you perceive as a barrier between you and other people.
First of all like I mentioned before, alone is not lonely. A lot of times, alone is what is preferred,wanted and sometimes what is needed. It is important to be comfortable with your own company and to be confident that you are a complete whole individual rather than feeling that you are not enough or that you are incomplete. Sometimes alone is necessary for your mental and/or physical well being. Alone gives us the best way to get perspective for yourself to gain clarity on life decisions , be alone with your thoughts gives us time to meditate, process things or events, gives the opportunity to quiet the chatter of your conscious mind to reduce stress, connect with your higher self or with the Higher power, to ground yourself,or just to have sometime to not be distracted or influenced by others to just to get to know your true nature without any input from others.
Back to lonely now….First of all I want to say “YOU ARE NOT YOUR EMOTIONS YOU ARE NOT YOUR STORY! AND ALWAYS BE PRESENT!”. Having made those statements I want you to understand that I will be clarifying those shortly, so just keep them in your mind to the side. It will come together just bear with me thank you. What I am about to say can be applied to any emotional response but we are discussing lonely at the moment so if you find yourself asking the question “what about sad, or anxious just substitute the appropriate word for the word lonely okay? So here goes nothing!! Lonely is an emotion that you tied to the story you told yourself or bought into from someone else that your ego told to respond with to with the current situation that you seem to be experiencing at the present time. If we realize before you respond to the ego’s advice that all the emotions is just a list of emotional responses that you have available to choose from as the emotional response to the situations that you perceive you are experiencing as you move thru each moment in your life. Yes Virginia “YOU CHOOSE WHAT EMOTION YOU WANT TO FEEL in response to your perception of the reality of the situation that you are experiencing ” not the other way around. I know right now most of you are saying to yourself (I can’t help what I feel, I control what I feel they just happen, they just are! Yes, I know it may seem that way, because most of us for most of our lives our ego and all the other egos that you have been around throughout your life from the time of your birth, the ones you learned from and emulated as you were growing up have led you to believe (thru no fault of their own) and reinforced over and over one of the great human untruth list is that “We are at the mercy of our emotions” That they own you, they are calling the shots as to your emotional responses. Well guess what? That is the human ego’s ploy to get you to keep you believing that it is real so it can continue to exist and be in control keep you trapped by fear which creates resistance to soul expansion and to create a prison, to put a barrier to blind you to the truth so to speak and continue to buy into the falsehood, the false perception of the reality of your true nature, to state that plainly… to continue the illusion of “That you are at the mercy of your emotions and the story you tied them to, that you don’t have a choice in the matter”! Now, I’m not saying that people and situations, and old programs that you bought into for one reason or another don’t make it hard to choose a more positive emotional response. Let me just briefly give you a side note to this. I want you to understand that with the aforementioned “old programs that you bought into” It is nobody’s fault that you bought into that there was some wrong doing or error in discernment or that you are “stupid and should have known better!”, that is not it at all. It is just one of those human challenges that all of face so that we learn and grow and evolve. It is built into the system of the human process of growth. No one is exempt, no one has the knack or talent to not buy into old programming, because when you bought into them they were necessary for your survival at the moment but once they are loaded onto your hard drive it is difficult to know when or to remember to delete them. Know this “EVERYONE IS CHALLENGED BY THIS AND HAS THE SAME DIFFICULTY AS YOU IT IS JUST PART OF LIFE!” so “DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR IT PLEASE”!!!! It is just one of those things that is a standard catalysts for all beings to challenge us to learn and adjust and change things in the present so that we can have the opportunity to expand our souls, evolve as spiritual beings having a human experience. Bottom line,it is just part of life!Just like when we grew to adults from being children the average person’s bones lengthen and grow larger, and in puberty we get hair in places that we didn’t have as children, it is just part of becoming, well so is the program buying into thing. Again you are not your story nor are you your emotions. Anyone who tries to tell you or convince differently ….This is what I have to say to them….QUACK! Yes quack! Check this out, your emotions are yours! Yes folks, those puppies are yours to command! Yes, you too can choose what to feel as a response to stuff! Like I said before things, situations and people may make it more difficult to choose a positive emotional response, but with some effort and practice you can do it. As with anything that you learn, especially when it comes to changing old habits, old programs that we have used forever that really in the present do not serve us anymore it takes a minute to become successful at right away. Be patient with yourself do your best to remember to make the effort to slow yourself down, take a breath and as you do this stop the auto pilot decision making process and stop and take the time to think and ask yourself,”How can I stay in the present and choose a best emotional response for what I am truly experiencing now?…not based on what you responded to a similar story from your past that ego is trying to convince you still are but, on who you truly are from you true nature, from your high self, now in this present moment.With the intent of doing it for the highest good for yourself and the highest good of all. It does get easier as you go along and each time you remember to do this the closer you come to do it effortlessly and with a 100% success rate, and really you will be surprised that it will happen easier and quicker than you think! You may be asking yourself,” well how does this apply to loneliness? ” well, I will tell you. When you sense it creeping in and ego begins it’s existence saving dance running it’s jib in your head, trying to convince you to buy into it’s sales pitch. Take the time to look at the story or thought processes or beliefs behind why you are leaning towards choosing lonely as your emotional response, why this emotion is tied to the story why the ego is trying to convince you that this is the response that you need so desperately(from ego’s perspective) to respond with, why this present situation triggered ego to know it is time to get it’s licks in, why ego needs you to respond this way, what is ego’s motive and how this particular? response helps ego to maintain it’s illusionary existence? Ego is like when you were a kid and you had an imaginary friend that keeps sabotaging and causing trouble and because no one else can see them you get blamed for it’s pervasive behavior. Ego like the imaginary friend is forever trying to convince you that it is real, like Pinocchio before the fairy godmother got to him-he is not real and never will be , he will only able to fool you into thinking it is real and that you are the puppet! Well it is time to take back your throne be the ruler of your reality! It is time to pinch yourself and wake up and see that you aren’t the puppet and ego the puppeteer that you are the master puppeteer and ego is the wooden puppet! You are the creator and the master and ruler of your emotions and ego, they are to do your bidding, they are your subjects and not subject to them! When you are suffering with loneliness or that the situation that you are participating in is one that perhaps the all time best scenario for loneliness to thrive and grow and in the present moment you are not able to see a way out from your current perspective reality, that there could no other choice for you. Stop and without hesitation but with complete faith that no matter what things seem like it is truly an illusion do not believe it for one second!!!!!Tell loneliness to get out of town take a long walk off a short pier, take a hike! Turn and face it and see that it is just an illusion. Find your voice… use your imagination and create for yourself a much better reality for yourself by pulling yourself out of the illusion and create the new true perception of reality in your mind. Realize that emotions and stories come and go. Nothing stays the same, things change all the time, nothing is static. Even if it seems to you that it is the lowest worst moment of loneliness of sadness in the world and that is no way out of it could never ever change…Stop, breath, look at the story behind all of that fear, all the loneliness that you tied to that story, or belief/thoughts that aren’t you , are not in the present not your true nature, just not real and pull yourself out of your illusionary perspective and change your perspective to one that serves you better in this present moment, even if it is to incorporate this thought, It won’t be like this forever it will change because nothing is static. Maybe Close your eyes and hold on to that little bit and release the emotion(loneliness) as the emotional response to the present perspective of the situation . Say out loud if you want or just think it, it works either way, it is your coloring book your crayons, I Release it , let it go – then look at some other more positive way to perceive the situation as to why you are experiencing this based purely in the present moment from your true highest self change it to perhaps as an example: Maybe if I see this as something as this situation isn’t about choosing this to be bad but rather a gift of the opportunity to find a better way see this situation as a plus rather than a negative, an opportunity to gain than a loss, that it is for you not against you. you could change this into you have the opportunity to become a hero and to receive blessings by sacrificing and experiencing a little discomfort so that someone else will get an opportunity to get the chance to expand their soul their skill sets raise their vibration by getting a chance at to allow someone their chance to discern and choose to be compassionate, to recognize that one of their own needs their help , to motivate them to learn to be a better expression of God having a human experience, by motivating them to choose to become a more loving kind person, awaken them to their true nature, more of a true human being and discern and choose love and compassion recognize it is the time to give and transform themselves and receive blessings and grace which raises their vibration which raises the vibration of all humans. For your small sacrifice you not only do you get to be a hero and give someone a chance to receive blessings you get the chance to raise the whole humanity but you get to receive blessings and grace and to raise your self up which also does the same for all. So the point is look how much can be accomplished, look at the scope of the effect of just a small change in the way you choose to see things, change your perception of reality and your emotional response to things. It is so a win win win win situation for such a small amount of effort that it is just mind boggling for me. What a small thing to have to experience or that you have to put effort to accomplish so much.
So by changing in ways like this, taking that pause that moment, to slow down take that breath and adjust your perception of reality, let the old programming that no longer serves you go and eliminate that the loneliness story is tied to and choose a more positive emotional response to the present situation you become a big hero and everyone gets blessings.
There are many surface ways to help you to accomplish these things to help with the changing your perceptions of reality of situations that you are experiencing with loneliness and it’s fertile ground for growth. Yes, surface ways, like joining a class that improves you, your body, your mind like yoga, or a class at your local junior college or something that you would like to see if it is something you might be interested in, there are many avenues for this such as local city town or rural community centers that offer adult classes at night or weekends etc. for things like arts and crafts, exercise, or dance, music, Internet and computer, parenting, golf, yoga and so on. These are good ways to break down some of the perceived barriers and to connect and meet people with similar interests. This a good way for humans to help prevent that fertile ground for loneliness. Some other surface ways are to join a spiritual group, or join a church or religious group of your own choice and persuasion, or create your own group of your choosing such as rock hunting, paranormal group, science, book reading, or whatever subject matter that floats your boat because I guarantee you aren’t alone in your interests. If you are sure how to find those people for the group[ you want to create, here are some tried and true suggestions for that issue. Advertise on your local bulletin boards in your local grocery stores etc, community centers, church and meeting centers, community colleges and adult education centers, freebie newspapers , or on the Internet sites like Facebook and Twitter or Crisis type sites. Volunteer for various charities in your community. If language is a barrier go to your local community centers and adult education centers or churches or spiritual centers and take a class in the pertinent language and from there you will find people with similar language barriers as you. If it is cultural thing, learn about the culture that you are living in, expand your being with knowledge and truth and with the knowledge you can understanding and release the fear and encourage tolerance in yourself and others or teach others about the truth of your culture which also helps others to release ignorance and fear and allows tolerance and compassion an understanding to grow. This not only helps to ward off the loneliness thing but it raises the vibrations for all. If you are disabled or are not able to go out and about, create a group that again is something that you are interested in or create a social network group of disabled or inside bound people or if you are elderly and are homebound etc. this social network group is applicable also, you can connect thru phone, or the Internet or something like Skype which is free thru the computer and you can have several people be able to meet virtually without ever leaving there residences. If you are able to each get an Internet video cameras for your computers you can actually see each other. Nowadays those kinds of things are fairly inexpensive and there are various federal, state and local programs that could help you. Don’t give up if you want to help yourself to choose something more positive this is a real good tried and true way to begin that process.When we take the initiative and realize we are the creators of our realities and do these little things it reaffirms to the universe what you want and need it is like an active prayer, it reaches into the Creator’s toy box and pulls out and brings to you the thing you want that is for highest good which with that intent brings the highest good of all. It brings the real magic that is in us by our birthright as the children of God. What it does, to put it another way, it allows you to connect and have the opportunity to find and share with you fellow human beings common interests and it changes the parameters of the situation and brings in the fertile ground for growth for the positive, breaks down your perception that there are barriers and replaces the barriers with clear smooth avenues to accomplish what just recently you perceived as impossible. This will make the growth of the possibility of loneliness less of a possibility to happen. I’m not saying it will eliminate it altogether at this moment of our existence but it will take it from a high and impossible to get over mountain to in the least a small hill that you face and if enough of us take this perspective it will a some point become a mere speed bump. It is however a step closer for all of us one day to make something that has been highly improbable to eliminate from the human experience to be eliminated within the human experience. All it takes is one person to tell or show one person and it will catch on and once again you can know that YOU ARE A HERO!
So to recap for you, “You are not your story nor are you your emotions. Become aware and notice the story, the thoughts, the beliefs, the perception of reality that loneliness (or any negative emotions) that you have tied to those stories or beliefs. Release it. Take the moment to pause and take a breath ,and stop and think and decide and become aware change your perception of the reality of the situation, be present and choose the best positive emotional response ( and the list of all the positive is available for you to choose all the time with no exceptions!) based on who you truly are in the present moment. Play with them and discern the best one that serves you highest good and the highest good of all. Then congratulations are in order because you are now on the best and fastest road to becoming a hero in your own right to making loneliness(and if you apply that mind set to sad, despair, etc it will do the same for those) all those painful soul expanding and suffering causing catalyst for humanity evolving cease to exist in this current human experience(at minimize them enough that they are speed bumps instead of impossible to climb over mountains). For sure it is a fact it help you when it is your turn to experience those painful moments, you will be able to move thru them with the greatest of ease and grace and receive blessings for yourself and all humanity.
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