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Greetings and Salutations! One and All! It’s a Happy Day today! We are continuing our series on relationships with today’s entry discussing the crazy and intricate world of internet dating. I have been a part of this world for several years now and I have learned a few tips of the game which I am going to share with you here today. Also to enlighten you as to how the game is played. There are new rules to the dating game with the introduction of the technological world.

So you think you are ready right? You get your hair done up and your make up on and you go out and get the perfect picture or set of pictures and you post them on your profile just knowing in your heart that you are going to meet Prince Charming and you are going to be romanced out of your mind! Finally the long days of waiting are over and you are going to find your one and he is going to find you! The anticipation is crippling and you anxiously await some response from the one who is going to find you and you are met with ” Yummy” , ” Nice Tits” , ” You sure are purty” , and suddenly you realize you are not in the land of prince charmings but in the land of relationship rejects and applicants! There is someone for everyone I truly believe for some of us there are hundreds for one. I myself have been blessed with a gift of some odd sex appeal that keeps the men flocking in all shapes and forms and class levels.

I began to notice this gift when I was five, that is another story as to how I came to this realization but I have been aware of it since that age. I never felt comfortable with it, nor did I understand it back then, as no one seemed to want to discuss it let alone look at it with me. What this gift is many have. It’s tantric in nature, but healing in fact, it’s the ability to open hearts via the root chakra. This creates a feeling of love for the person on the receiving end. An undeniable attraction that will not quiet itself. They cannot get you out of their head, they are dreaming about you and having these unusual feelings of desire. The ones that make it to a kiss most end up being chiwawas shaking in their boots. The energy from the kiss was too much and they would go into shakes.

I often wonder as I am enduring these seemingly never ending lines of people that are so not in the running to being the perfect mate for me. Now some would argue, perhaps you have your sights too high. But you see I believe that on a vibratory level, I am not, I vibrate fairly high and am awake, there must be out of 6 billion people on this planet at least a few that have all of the qualities I seek . Then the universe does things like bring you the perfect person except that they are not available. The irony of the universe is uncanny at times.

So yes after several years in the dating game, I have begun to lose hope and energy to go through the process of interviewing the thousands of applicants I have reviewed in the past several years. This my friends is not an exaggeration. For every time I put up pictures there is usually a thousand hits in the month and for out of that thousand there is probably 10 a week that will make some attempt to contact you, out of that 10 you might actually want to meet with one. Dating has become more of an interviewing process. This is why I call them applicants. They are applying for the job of mate and they have to meet certain qualifications within the time that we have to chat. Most are easily gone through by simply telling them you are celibate, the others will leave if you tell them you want a relationship and marriage so this technique weeds through the one night stands and the looky loos. They are my favorites the silent watchers who add you as a favorite and never attempt to contact you ever. Who does that!?

Advice to catching a man, keep your profile interesting and always change your pics, guys are visual creatures and like to see new and different looks on a woman. No guy wants to hear about an ex or what you are not looking for so try to always keep it on a positive note.

Always remember that no matter how great they may seem on cam, in a private conversation or on the phone, unless you meet them face to face it is only a fantasy! I cannot stress enough this particular fact. It is easy when you are lonely to get wrapped up in the dream in the fantasy in the potential of a person. This is not to say that all are like this however the majority are. People think that they can be whatever they want as this box within a box doesn’t represent a person there an anonymity that goes along with this protection. People can be whatever they want when they are not being seen! There are many wolves in sheep’s clothing in the virtual world, people who will promise you the world, even propose to you infront of others and then simply disappear. They can lie about their names, their lives and what they truly are offering. Most men act like vultures when they are online. Most women too. The best advice that I can offer is to keep things light, to keep it business friendly until you meet this person face to face. Energies can and DO react differently in person, so until those same fireworks are there in real time, keep it realisitic to avoid disappointments down the line. Is this to say that internet dating is always like this? No but it’s important that you clearly communicate and investigate these people in real time. I have known of women who were raped and men who were ripped off financially because they did not follow this rule. Find out who you are dealing with. Meet in a public place for a first date always! Coffee shops or tea houses are great for the “initial interview”. I cannot tell you how often people walk out on this step, they won’t even approach you! I had one guy meet me at my house and walk right past me, get in his car and left! Another guy at the coffee shop the same thing! Manners is VERY important! If someone is going to take the time to meet with you, have the courtesy to follow through and let them know it is not going to work for whatever reason but at least follow through on the interview!

If you have any doubts then follow up on that! Find out either via investigation report going to public records there are ways to find out if someone is married or divorced, if they have a criminal record, basically the type of person they are in real time. If they do not want to meet after a month or so of email/phone communication that is usually an indication that there is something they are trying to hide. This is a flag so head that and look further then the butterflies in the heart.

Make sure that you see them on cam not just in photos. I had one friend who traveled from Oregon to Oklahoma based on a photo that had been taken 20 years before and when she got to the airport the person looked nothing like that anymore!

I know for most this seems like common sense stuff, but I have seen this enough to know that not everyone thinks like this because they inherently trust that most people are going to be what they say they are. I cannot tell you how many people I have watched and myself experienced how scandalous people can truly be, how they will prey on the innocent and create wounds that are to the core of people’s beings. I have also seen marriage work out even long distance ones from meeting on the net. It’s a roll of the dice and in today’s world anything is. I can only stress to be cautious and take precautions. Don’t meet alone, be in public, don’t give your home address to anyone you have not gone on several dates with and investigated thoroughly. Do not meet with anyone who will not show a picture or cam with you live. Run if they begin to discuss marriage and love within 30 days. This is usually an indicator that they are co dependent and clingy, watch the body language to determine if they are liars or secret keepers, this can get tricky because if a liar is good enough they will believe their own lies and thus making it difficult to recognize. Be friends with someone before you jump in the sack. Get to know them.

One night stands will only fulfill a physical itch and even that is not filled because it’s the intimacy not the sex we lack.

Do not get discouraged. Being on dating sites is not desperate. It’s business smart. You are increasing your odds by putting yourself out there. Just keep in mind the world is watching! People can video tape you on cam, they can steal your pics to be used in other arenas there are many bad people out there so use the better part of caution.

I’m sure there are many of you out there who have experienced much of what I am talking about and to you know that you are not alone, it is for those who may not have been out there in the jungle much and who have had trepidations about the unknown. Its really not too bad out there and I have met some incredible people and friends through the dating process. I have moved to totally new areas in the past 10 years and this has helped me get to know my community and the people in it and what it has to offer. I think that casual dating is healthy and can be a great deal of fun if one uses common sense and safety precautions.

I think this is a great place to stop this blog and ask you to submit your thoughts on this topic or your suggestions for how to make it a better experience for those who are in the game. Be blessed now and always everyone!

Peace xox Kimberly

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Greetings and salutations! One and All! I do hope this blog entry finds you well and happy. It has been a crazy week for me on a personal level as well as the professional level. But I wanted to keep the momentum going with this entry of our blog series on relationships. We have covered in past entries the ideas of co dependence and independence, however, we have never covered the idea of inter-dependence. This is a new term that I created to explain the concept of a partnership. These ideas that I am discussing are uni-sexual and universal. They can be applied to any relationship in existence. The reason that I feel it is necessary to create this new concept is that we are moving towards this with the shifts that are coming. How do we put action to making it “we” and not “me”. How do we take the first steps to becoming community minded again instead of overly independent and isolated?

I do not think that I have all the answers or all the parts but I can see how some of it can work. So I only ask that you read these ideas with an open mind and expand on them if you are so inspired and share those thoughts with the world. Leave a comment. I respond to all legitimate comments. So moving onto the concepts first.

Community to my definition is this: ” A gathering of beings working in harmony and cooperation with one another.”

I see this as the third phase if you will because really it begins within yourself and extends to your immediate friends and families and thus it naturally evolves to a community. There are many communities large and small. It’s not the size that matters in this instance. The idea behind a “community” is to work together in cooperation. Now this sounds really great in theory and in an ideal world that would work. It takes a solid commitment of common thinking to make something like this work. For example. Terminology. People as wonderfully different as they are will look at something and have a totally different take on what it is they see. The same idea holds true when they describe things. How often have you said to another person, “that’s not what I meant!” So definition of terms is imperative to healthy communication.

Cooperation: We have learned over the course of the past few millennia to be competative not cooperative with one another. In this shift which is coming there needs to be a cooperation between ourselves and the world around us. Money or it’s concept no longer serves us. I do not have all of the answers but what I do know is that there is no good reason that there are people who are lacking anything in this world. There is enough resources on this planet to sustain 100 billion people if we all worked together to balance that out.

Courtesy/Manners/Respect- People in this age of “Me”, have forgotten some very basic things in life. That people are people for one and for another, that we should treat others the way we would wish to be treated. With kindness, compassion, understanding, tolerance, respect. Words like ” I’m sorry” or “Thank you” or ” Please” go a long ways. Remembering that coming at someone offensively will cause the reactions of defensive manuevers. That a man’s word is golden, if you say you are going to do something then follow through with it, and if something should come up then communicate that with the person you made the promise to.

Communication: Talking, Texting, Writing letters, Computers, Telephones, Smoke signals. Throughout time man has found many creative ways to communicate what is in one’s head. From hieroglyphs to artwork of all kinds and music and story telling and tapestry to architecture and technology. We have found many ways to communicate with each other because we as human beings are communal creatures. We are social. We enjoy the interaction with others around us. We have lost the gift of mind reading which was our original forms of communication. We lost that ability when we fell into the third dimension. As part of the awakening and remembering, this gift is slowly being restored. Thus the words of Christ, “And the darkness shall come to the light, there will be no more secrets, no more lies…” because if we can read each other’s thoughts we have no way or place to “hide” anything. That is an illusion.

To live as two individuals, loving unconditionally in the present moment and working toward a common good is not an easy combination to find. There is a fine balance in inter-dependence. When you are in a partnership, the advantages are that you are not alone, if one falls short in an area the other can assist in making that up with their strengths. This is different then two people as one. We all have our paths and lessons in life. To release judgments and expectations can be a challenge for many. To release the need to control anything is also a challenge for most people. We do not realize how often we come from a place of needing to control people and situations. We must become cognoscente of these times when we are falling into emotional reactions and old programming. It is helpful if you are involved with another who is of like mind so that you may help each other in the recognition of when you are playing the old tapes. The old saying of ” You are the company you keep” holds some truth to it. For what you surround yourself with or feed into your mind is what is in your heart and eventually comes out of the mouth and it feeds like a perpetual circle. So the way to break free from this cycle is to change the response and change the environment and change the input in general. Surround yourself with things that are going to help you achieve your goal of peace and tranquility on a constant basis. Surrounding yourself with positive people is a start. Listening to soothing music instead of angry music is another place that we can change what we feed our brain. These are all things to help us remember that we are whole and secure within our freedom and do not require dependence but choose to be engaged in an inter-dependent , inter-active relationship.

When I first started to think about this whole idea, I went through the list of friends I had in my life. I really got honest about what it was I was gaining from having these people in my life. How have they served me and were there any there who didn’t serve me. I also had to make a decision about what was a friend to me. Applying the terminology again. I had determined that most of the people in my life were in fact NOT friends, but more acquaintances and business associates. That was a rude awakening for me. I had found that I was being a friend and giving more in the relationships then I was receiving and as a result I found that I was getting drained in my energies on a daily basis. When I made the choice to no longer allow the imbalances to take place, those people were taken out of my life, either by my own hand or by circumstance. I also had to work it as I have said earlier in this article, to just let things and people be what they are.

Here is an example. I recently had a guest who had forgotten to mark their appearance on our show, they subsequently didn’t make the appearance. Now, most people would have been hurt or insulted or upset, and I have to admit that I too would have been counted among those people a year ago. Instead my new reaction now was that all things happen for a reason and there are no accidents. This person had some place else to be and that was totally ok and things worked out in the end and so no harm no foul. This left both people feeling as if it was a win win situation. By choosing a different reaction, the response could have left a much more destructive and negative taste in both mouths. But by understanding that things happen, mistakes can be made and that it all works out in the end as it should anyway, to have that total faith that it will all be ok and that it is meant to be. Even when things do not work out in the way we had hoped it is usually for the better.

Not holding expectations on other people or their actions. Again the need to control. If you limit the universe in outcomes or if you place expectation then you are setting yourself up for instant disappointment. If you just go with the flow and not attach the outcome it usually works out better then you expected in your mind.This is much easier in theory then in practice. It takes great conscious effort to allow others to be and to BE yourself. To detach from the emotional body and to control the thoughts and to come from a place of peace. Too often we give too much of ourselves and things in relationships become unbalanced. There needs to be an exchange of energy on some level in a dualistic reality. In the oneness all just IS.

Can human beings achieve inter-dependence? Hard to say. I believe I have seen couples do this on occasion. To be independent, lead independent lives, but still be together. As ” The Profit” states. Like two pillars holding things up, but standing separately, both eat bread but not of the same loaf. To find that balance where two can be in sanctuary and not in a place of beholden or fear. I believe that we have to come to a place of humility and a willingness to work with others in realizing that many hands make less work, but all parties must be willing to do their part. One’s input doesn’t have to be the same work, but a portion of it.

Some interesting musings on inter-dependence and partnerships. What are your thoughts?

Until next time, in Love n Light and Oneness of Heart,

xoxo

Kimberly


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