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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Greetings and Salutations One and All! I do hope that this blog finds you all well and happy! Well it’s been quite a week for me lots of obstacles and challenges presented themselves to me! But with each one I give gratitude for the opportunity to grow! This week’s show features an amazing man whom I met through a mutual friend. For almost an hour he and I chatted and he truly is a pioneer in his field. And is breaking ground in some pretty amazing territory with his teachings! So we are truly pleased and honored to bring him to you all tonight on Illuminations of Light LIVE! 8pm PST and 9pm MST on blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight! here is a bit more about this amazing man and his work!

About James Strohecker

 

An e-health pioneer and wellness visionary, Strohecker has focused on bringing fundamental wellness principles from the world’s great healing and wellbeing traditions into mainstream cultural awareness for over 30 years.  Currently, his focus is on stimulating the creation of a “Culture of Wellness” in the U.S. and supporting the dissemination of wellness worldwide.

 

CEO and co-founder of HealthWorld Online, he is co-creator of Healthy.net (www.healthy.net), the world’s first Internet network for wellness and alternative medicine, the Wellness Inventory whole-person assessment and life-balance program (www.WellPeople.com) and the Wellness Inventory Coach Certification Training (www.CertifyWellness.com). He is on the faculty for the Wellness Inventory Certification Training, as well as the faculty of the Institute for Life Coach Training.  He also co-founded NPICenter.com, the first business-to-business Internet network for the natural products industry.

 

As founding Vice-President of Future Medicine Publishing,

he served as Executive Editor of the classic and influential work, Alternative Medicine: The Definitive Guide. Co-author

of five books, including Natural Healing for Depression: Solutions from the World’s Great Health Traditions and Practitioners  (Perigee), and has collaborated on over 20 titles in the fields of natural health, human potential, meditation,

yoga and world spiritual traditions. He is also publisher of Healthy Update, a weekly e-newsletter serving over 30,000 subscribers for fifteen years.

 

A Phi Beta Kappa graduate of the University of Tennessee with a degree in cultural anthropology, his interests have taken him from National Geographic-funded archeological expeditions to Mayan ruins in the jungles of Yucatan, to three years of intensive study of meditation, self-inquiry, and yoga in India.

 

Strohecker has served on the numerous boards, including the Board of Trustees of the American University of Complementary Medicine and the Institute of Natural Medicine, the President’s Advisory Council for Bastyr University, as well as serving on numerous advisory boards including Nourish America, Academy for Guided Imagery, the Dove Health Alliance, the National Workforce Health Economics Summit, and the National Wellness, Prevention and Fitness Conference. He is a member of the Transformational Leadership Council of Southern California.

 

He lives in Los Angeles with Nancy, his wife of 22 years.

Contact Info:

James Strohecker

CEO / Co-founder

HealthWorld Online

310-823-9553

jim@healthy.net

 

Here’s another article about John and his work:

From Alternative Medicine a Definitive Guide to the Wellness Inventory – An Interview with Pioneering Entrepreneur Jim Strohecker

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Greetings and Salutations! One and All! It’s a Happy Day today! We are continuing our series on relationships with today’s entry discussing the crazy and intricate world of internet dating. I have been a part of this world for several years now and I have learned a few tips of the game which I am going to share with you here today. Also to enlighten you as to how the game is played. There are new rules to the dating game with the introduction of the technological world.

So you think you are ready right? You get your hair done up and your make up on and you go out and get the perfect picture or set of pictures and you post them on your profile just knowing in your heart that you are going to meet Prince Charming and you are going to be romanced out of your mind! Finally the long days of waiting are over and you are going to find your one and he is going to find you! The anticipation is crippling and you anxiously await some response from the one who is going to find you and you are met with ” Yummy” , ” Nice Tits” , ” You sure are purty” , and suddenly you realize you are not in the land of prince charmings but in the land of relationship rejects and applicants! There is someone for everyone I truly believe for some of us there are hundreds for one. I myself have been blessed with a gift of some odd sex appeal that keeps the men flocking in all shapes and forms and class levels.

I began to notice this gift when I was five, that is another story as to how I came to this realization but I have been aware of it since that age. I never felt comfortable with it, nor did I understand it back then, as no one seemed to want to discuss it let alone look at it with me. What this gift is many have. It’s tantric in nature, but healing in fact, it’s the ability to open hearts via the root chakra. This creates a feeling of love for the person on the receiving end. An undeniable attraction that will not quiet itself. They cannot get you out of their head, they are dreaming about you and having these unusual feelings of desire. The ones that make it to a kiss most end up being chiwawas shaking in their boots. The energy from the kiss was too much and they would go into shakes.

I often wonder as I am enduring these seemingly never ending lines of people that are so not in the running to being the perfect mate for me. Now some would argue, perhaps you have your sights too high. But you see I believe that on a vibratory level, I am not, I vibrate fairly high and am awake, there must be out of 6 billion people on this planet at least a few that have all of the qualities I seek . Then the universe does things like bring you the perfect person except that they are not available. The irony of the universe is uncanny at times.

So yes after several years in the dating game, I have begun to lose hope and energy to go through the process of interviewing the thousands of applicants I have reviewed in the past several years. This my friends is not an exaggeration. For every time I put up pictures there is usually a thousand hits in the month and for out of that thousand there is probably 10 a week that will make some attempt to contact you, out of that 10 you might actually want to meet with one. Dating has become more of an interviewing process. This is why I call them applicants. They are applying for the job of mate and they have to meet certain qualifications within the time that we have to chat. Most are easily gone through by simply telling them you are celibate, the others will leave if you tell them you want a relationship and marriage so this technique weeds through the one night stands and the looky loos. They are my favorites the silent watchers who add you as a favorite and never attempt to contact you ever. Who does that!?

Advice to catching a man, keep your profile interesting and always change your pics, guys are visual creatures and like to see new and different looks on a woman. No guy wants to hear about an ex or what you are not looking for so try to always keep it on a positive note.

Always remember that no matter how great they may seem on cam, in a private conversation or on the phone, unless you meet them face to face it is only a fantasy! I cannot stress enough this particular fact. It is easy when you are lonely to get wrapped up in the dream in the fantasy in the potential of a person. This is not to say that all are like this however the majority are. People think that they can be whatever they want as this box within a box doesn’t represent a person there an anonymity that goes along with this protection. People can be whatever they want when they are not being seen! There are many wolves in sheep’s clothing in the virtual world, people who will promise you the world, even propose to you infront of others and then simply disappear. They can lie about their names, their lives and what they truly are offering. Most men act like vultures when they are online. Most women too. The best advice that I can offer is to keep things light, to keep it business friendly until you meet this person face to face. Energies can and DO react differently in person, so until those same fireworks are there in real time, keep it realisitic to avoid disappointments down the line. Is this to say that internet dating is always like this? No but it’s important that you clearly communicate and investigate these people in real time. I have known of women who were raped and men who were ripped off financially because they did not follow this rule. Find out who you are dealing with. Meet in a public place for a first date always! Coffee shops or tea houses are great for the “initial interview”. I cannot tell you how often people walk out on this step, they won’t even approach you! I had one guy meet me at my house and walk right past me, get in his car and left! Another guy at the coffee shop the same thing! Manners is VERY important! If someone is going to take the time to meet with you, have the courtesy to follow through and let them know it is not going to work for whatever reason but at least follow through on the interview!

If you have any doubts then follow up on that! Find out either via investigation report going to public records there are ways to find out if someone is married or divorced, if they have a criminal record, basically the type of person they are in real time. If they do not want to meet after a month or so of email/phone communication that is usually an indication that there is something they are trying to hide. This is a flag so head that and look further then the butterflies in the heart.

Make sure that you see them on cam not just in photos. I had one friend who traveled from Oregon to Oklahoma based on a photo that had been taken 20 years before and when she got to the airport the person looked nothing like that anymore!

I know for most this seems like common sense stuff, but I have seen this enough to know that not everyone thinks like this because they inherently trust that most people are going to be what they say they are. I cannot tell you how many people I have watched and myself experienced how scandalous people can truly be, how they will prey on the innocent and create wounds that are to the core of people’s beings. I have also seen marriage work out even long distance ones from meeting on the net. It’s a roll of the dice and in today’s world anything is. I can only stress to be cautious and take precautions. Don’t meet alone, be in public, don’t give your home address to anyone you have not gone on several dates with and investigated thoroughly. Do not meet with anyone who will not show a picture or cam with you live. Run if they begin to discuss marriage and love within 30 days. This is usually an indicator that they are co dependent and clingy, watch the body language to determine if they are liars or secret keepers, this can get tricky because if a liar is good enough they will believe their own lies and thus making it difficult to recognize. Be friends with someone before you jump in the sack. Get to know them.

One night stands will only fulfill a physical itch and even that is not filled because it’s the intimacy not the sex we lack.

Do not get discouraged. Being on dating sites is not desperate. It’s business smart. You are increasing your odds by putting yourself out there. Just keep in mind the world is watching! People can video tape you on cam, they can steal your pics to be used in other arenas there are many bad people out there so use the better part of caution.

I’m sure there are many of you out there who have experienced much of what I am talking about and to you know that you are not alone, it is for those who may not have been out there in the jungle much and who have had trepidations about the unknown. Its really not too bad out there and I have met some incredible people and friends through the dating process. I have moved to totally new areas in the past 10 years and this has helped me get to know my community and the people in it and what it has to offer. I think that casual dating is healthy and can be a great deal of fun if one uses common sense and safety precautions.

I think this is a great place to stop this blog and ask you to submit your thoughts on this topic or your suggestions for how to make it a better experience for those who are in the game. Be blessed now and always everyone!

Peace xox Kimberly

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Greetings and salutations! One and All! I do hope this blog entry finds you well and happy. It has been a crazy week for me on a personal level as well as the professional level. But I wanted to keep the momentum going with this entry of our blog series on relationships. We have covered in past entries the ideas of co dependence and independence, however, we have never covered the idea of inter-dependence. This is a new term that I created to explain the concept of a partnership. These ideas that I am discussing are uni-sexual and universal. They can be applied to any relationship in existence. The reason that I feel it is necessary to create this new concept is that we are moving towards this with the shifts that are coming. How do we put action to making it “we” and not “me”. How do we take the first steps to becoming community minded again instead of overly independent and isolated?

I do not think that I have all the answers or all the parts but I can see how some of it can work. So I only ask that you read these ideas with an open mind and expand on them if you are so inspired and share those thoughts with the world. Leave a comment. I respond to all legitimate comments. So moving onto the concepts first.

Community to my definition is this: ” A gathering of beings working in harmony and cooperation with one another.”

I see this as the third phase if you will because really it begins within yourself and extends to your immediate friends and families and thus it naturally evolves to a community. There are many communities large and small. It’s not the size that matters in this instance. The idea behind a “community” is to work together in cooperation. Now this sounds really great in theory and in an ideal world that would work. It takes a solid commitment of common thinking to make something like this work. For example. Terminology. People as wonderfully different as they are will look at something and have a totally different take on what it is they see. The same idea holds true when they describe things. How often have you said to another person, “that’s not what I meant!” So definition of terms is imperative to healthy communication.

Cooperation: We have learned over the course of the past few millennia to be competative not cooperative with one another. In this shift which is coming there needs to be a cooperation between ourselves and the world around us. Money or it’s concept no longer serves us. I do not have all of the answers but what I do know is that there is no good reason that there are people who are lacking anything in this world. There is enough resources on this planet to sustain 100 billion people if we all worked together to balance that out.

Courtesy/Manners/Respect- People in this age of “Me”, have forgotten some very basic things in life. That people are people for one and for another, that we should treat others the way we would wish to be treated. With kindness, compassion, understanding, tolerance, respect. Words like ” I’m sorry” or “Thank you” or ” Please” go a long ways. Remembering that coming at someone offensively will cause the reactions of defensive manuevers. That a man’s word is golden, if you say you are going to do something then follow through with it, and if something should come up then communicate that with the person you made the promise to.

Communication: Talking, Texting, Writing letters, Computers, Telephones, Smoke signals. Throughout time man has found many creative ways to communicate what is in one’s head. From hieroglyphs to artwork of all kinds and music and story telling and tapestry to architecture and technology. We have found many ways to communicate with each other because we as human beings are communal creatures. We are social. We enjoy the interaction with others around us. We have lost the gift of mind reading which was our original forms of communication. We lost that ability when we fell into the third dimension. As part of the awakening and remembering, this gift is slowly being restored. Thus the words of Christ, “And the darkness shall come to the light, there will be no more secrets, no more lies…” because if we can read each other’s thoughts we have no way or place to “hide” anything. That is an illusion.

To live as two individuals, loving unconditionally in the present moment and working toward a common good is not an easy combination to find. There is a fine balance in inter-dependence. When you are in a partnership, the advantages are that you are not alone, if one falls short in an area the other can assist in making that up with their strengths. This is different then two people as one. We all have our paths and lessons in life. To release judgments and expectations can be a challenge for many. To release the need to control anything is also a challenge for most people. We do not realize how often we come from a place of needing to control people and situations. We must become cognoscente of these times when we are falling into emotional reactions and old programming. It is helpful if you are involved with another who is of like mind so that you may help each other in the recognition of when you are playing the old tapes. The old saying of ” You are the company you keep” holds some truth to it. For what you surround yourself with or feed into your mind is what is in your heart and eventually comes out of the mouth and it feeds like a perpetual circle. So the way to break free from this cycle is to change the response and change the environment and change the input in general. Surround yourself with things that are going to help you achieve your goal of peace and tranquility on a constant basis. Surrounding yourself with positive people is a start. Listening to soothing music instead of angry music is another place that we can change what we feed our brain. These are all things to help us remember that we are whole and secure within our freedom and do not require dependence but choose to be engaged in an inter-dependent , inter-active relationship.

When I first started to think about this whole idea, I went through the list of friends I had in my life. I really got honest about what it was I was gaining from having these people in my life. How have they served me and were there any there who didn’t serve me. I also had to make a decision about what was a friend to me. Applying the terminology again. I had determined that most of the people in my life were in fact NOT friends, but more acquaintances and business associates. That was a rude awakening for me. I had found that I was being a friend and giving more in the relationships then I was receiving and as a result I found that I was getting drained in my energies on a daily basis. When I made the choice to no longer allow the imbalances to take place, those people were taken out of my life, either by my own hand or by circumstance. I also had to work it as I have said earlier in this article, to just let things and people be what they are.

Here is an example. I recently had a guest who had forgotten to mark their appearance on our show, they subsequently didn’t make the appearance. Now, most people would have been hurt or insulted or upset, and I have to admit that I too would have been counted among those people a year ago. Instead my new reaction now was that all things happen for a reason and there are no accidents. This person had some place else to be and that was totally ok and things worked out in the end and so no harm no foul. This left both people feeling as if it was a win win situation. By choosing a different reaction, the response could have left a much more destructive and negative taste in both mouths. But by understanding that things happen, mistakes can be made and that it all works out in the end as it should anyway, to have that total faith that it will all be ok and that it is meant to be. Even when things do not work out in the way we had hoped it is usually for the better.

Not holding expectations on other people or their actions. Again the need to control. If you limit the universe in outcomes or if you place expectation then you are setting yourself up for instant disappointment. If you just go with the flow and not attach the outcome it usually works out better then you expected in your mind.This is much easier in theory then in practice. It takes great conscious effort to allow others to be and to BE yourself. To detach from the emotional body and to control the thoughts and to come from a place of peace. Too often we give too much of ourselves and things in relationships become unbalanced. There needs to be an exchange of energy on some level in a dualistic reality. In the oneness all just IS.

Can human beings achieve inter-dependence? Hard to say. I believe I have seen couples do this on occasion. To be independent, lead independent lives, but still be together. As ” The Profit” states. Like two pillars holding things up, but standing separately, both eat bread but not of the same loaf. To find that balance where two can be in sanctuary and not in a place of beholden or fear. I believe that we have to come to a place of humility and a willingness to work with others in realizing that many hands make less work, but all parties must be willing to do their part. One’s input doesn’t have to be the same work, but a portion of it.

Some interesting musings on inter-dependence and partnerships. What are your thoughts?

Until next time, in Love n Light and Oneness of Heart,

xoxo

Kimberly


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Greetings and Salutations! One and All! Well I hope you were able to tune into our show tonight! If not, you can always catch the entire interview in our archives at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight.

As promised here is the second entry in our month on relationships! And our very own miss Petite Lion is going to share with all of us what she believes is the Secret to Success in Lasting Relationships.

When I started to write this blog I already had the basics that I wanted to write about, the points that I wanted to include on this aspect of relationships. I have formulated in my mind that the first thing that I felt I wanted to make clear about relationships is an understanding that relationships were more than just love, lust, friendship etc., that when people say they are “in love” or that they have found “someone” that they wanted to be married to or that they want “grow old ” with, have a  “life relationship or Partner” or  are looking for  potential life relationship candidates, these are all only parts of “one” thing. Really their understanding of what that one thing  is and what that involves is less than complete . This lack of a true understanding of what it is they want, and what to call it, you may say to what  it is I said in my last statement, ; on the surface it may see m that is what I am eluding to a confusion in meaning is just something that really has no substance that it is just about a confusion due to semantics, but it is more than a pronunciation or the way a statement is worded it is about the complete whole picture of what it takes to make something work correctly, missing a wheel on a wagon it does not function properly if an integral  part of its components is not there.  Let me clarify. I think that people are not seeing the big picture of what it is that they truly want and all that it requires to work, they seem to focus on one or two of the components or sub-components of the picture of what they want. That they are focusing on certain parts of the whole  and those parts although important and desirous are not all of what it takes to work right unfortunately the only reason they want the relationship with a person is that the part that they can fulfill addresses issues, or fears, physical wants and/desires that at the moment is in the fore front of there mind. with no thought to the bigger picture . I’m not saying they don’t want more than those forefront thought  (majority will say if given the broader scope that the relationship is offering – heck yes that is what I want! ) what I’m saying is that until someone gets the “understanding’ the big scope or picture of what really a relationship encompasses and the skill sets it involves they are selling themselves and the significant  short, they are sending out incomplete or cloudy picture of what they want out into the universe. Which as anyone who has read about manifesting or “getting what they want, or changing old programs paradigms to manifest their dreams of a better life or reality”.(. What many books etc like  “As a Man Thinketh”, “The Secret”  tell us is a main important step to manifest your needs and desires thru their “step by step how to’s to  manifest  or to change  things for the better in our lives) A  clear  and complete picture of what you want is  a  very critical and  necessary part to achieving your perception of happiness or contentment to fulfilling your dreams, or what it would take to complete the list of what needs you feel  it would take to choose  happiness the easiest . (Note here, happiness isn’t something you find or put together, it is an emotion you choose to feel , our emotions are ours for us to use not the other way, we are not our emotions, our emotions do not own us, we own them , people and things or the lack thereof or situations and outcomes, old programming may make it more difficult   to choose happiness, contentment, joy and so forth .but. nonetheless we choose what to feel at any given moment .  I never said that the choice was always going to be easiest skill set to master at this moment in humanity’s existence, but ,that planting the seed of a change of perspective , the clarity the understanding is the initial and the most integral part to master that skill set or whatever skill set you to master.)  Now back to the business at hand! Just as I just planted the seed of a change in perspective for those that didn’t have the understanding  with regards to happiness thing I  just mentioned, I feel it is necessary to plant the seed of complete understanding and the true definition or the big picture of what relationship means. Once that is clarified ,for some you out there , (and you will know very quickly who you are) will get an automatic shift in consciousness , an epiphany and it will have an almost seemingly immediate  effect on the relationship area of your lives. What that means or entails is an individual  personal  thing, but the long term result is very positive. It will either motivate you to change what your responses within a current relationship are, or you  will choose to change it  totally for another more suitable one or it will give you a more complete and accurate picture to  hold to  so that what  you picture and desire to manifest in your life for your relationship comes to you is  really complete and accurate, that it is real deal for you, rather than close but no cigar type of thing or that the understanding  is able to take away the blinders away from your minds eye then you might be able figure out why you seem to be still in a toxic and/or abusive (physically and/or mentally) relationship  or keep picking the same types of partners and situations that bring you the disastrous or less than good results that after awhile you   cant understand why you end up always feeling stuck or trapped , really have the most difficult to choose happiness, as I said there are many , many things that the simple clarification that I’m going to share in this blog  that will  positively alter the relationship area  of your life in some way for the better or at least find the path to change , and no matter what, I am confident to ,say  all of them the end result will be positive . Now as I said this simple explanation of the true nature of what a relationship is with regards to ” marriage, life  sharing etc.” types of relationships will for some ,give you the instant shift, for others it will alter slightly the road that they are on, that in time will be the lick that gets them there, and for others at least it will expand and hone list of  choices that their brain or being has to choose from when they are stuck with what to do and why the problem happened. (the seed).

I know , long intro, but I needed to know that I did everything to make it clear to as many people to as many perceptions of reality as I could.  Now I will share the bit of wisdom that was given to me to share. I attained it thru many agonizing moments  of my 51 years of this life of taking ” wrong turns at Albuquerque ” in relationships. In other words I did things all the wrong ways for all the wrong reasons that thru process of elimination (and God and the universe took pity on me LOL!)  I had this major dot to dot that was completed, an epiphany , a gift of wisdom, divine clarification, I had a “should of had a V8” moment whatever you want to call it. It was so significant for me and such a gift that I felt so much  gratitude for that gift that it was very important and not just to me ,that  I wanted I needed to give someone else ,share the pleasure, of that wondrous gift from Spirit that I received I also knew I craved  to experience that rush that this epiphany gave me again, thru giving it , sharing it,  with my fellow human beings that were struggling and suffering as I had been  with this area.  To give a ray of hope to others that having the possibility of fulfilling that sought after dream was  still breathing, it was still attainable that all was not lost that you still as Kahlil Glbrane says so eloquently in “The Prophet” That the possibility of “laughing with all your laughter  weeping with all your tears ” is still on the table.
So here is the big TA DA HERE IT IS!!!!! DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!  THE SURVEY SAYS!!!………….. That when people say ,”I Love you” that is only part of what or is only one of the skill sets that you must have to have the possibility to experience a functioning long lasting whole harmonious relationship that humans have been seeking en masse since the beginning of time. There may slight adjustments or personalization’s to achieve that each partnership make need to make individually friendly, but, the basic” have to”   that are non negotiable items to even achieving the possibility of having a shot at that is, that you MUST be aware ,that to know the meaning of true love and what that skill set entails plus the meaning of true friendship and what that skill set entails and (here is the one that is the one that most people forget and/or try to lump it in with friendship as t he heading, actually ,it is the other way around , that friendship in this instance, should actually be listed as a component of partnership . I include this for those who really need that friendship word in there, it is important but it is under partnership heading.) the other main part of the formula for a true lasting relationship for life is true partnership , besides love skill set we need be aware  what requirements that skill set entails ; these are the main skill sets that is essential that you and the other person you choose must have to have the complete picture of what a successful life relationship requires (please read this last bit several times as it with a strong emphasis on must !!!).
Here is where I will briefly break down the skill  sets and why they are “must haves” when you desire life relationships that work etc. First of all I will explain the skill set of the love that is required for the formula I speak of . The billions of people out there that are made in the “image and likeness of the Creator” made of the stuff of the Creator, the sons and daughters of God that we all are that those billions are, have so to speak  the ability to love hard wired into us or that is included in the general construct of human beings. Now remember that sometimes due to one reason or another some sort of glitch happens or a personal choice is made that certain individuals don’t develop that  hard wired ability into any real functioning skill set . When I speak about humans having a natural instinctual desire and ability to give and love  I am speaking of the average human, they have innate ability built in to give and receive love , wether they choose or  develop the skill set of the kind of love required to carry out a functioning life relationship that is an individual thing and under certain circumstances there really is no choice they were born disabled in that area. After saying that , Imagine this, say you are all good and the ability has been developed and you have made it and have mastered that skill set  to love giving and the receiving of it , that is only that only one part of the essential parts that is needed and really it proportion as opposed to the other skill set is not equal, it is more love 40% and partnership is 60% (and here is what poets and people thru get caught up and have misled  the masses to believe and  understand that love is all that it takes.) It  is even in songs like  Lennon’s “All you need is love” well that may be true i n a bigger scale as a people or unite the planet the species, but it is simply in error , not true, with regards to life relationships and what it takes  to make it be a success although very integral part for it to work , just love  is not going to cut it.  What is required almost more so right from start is the skill set of Partnership. Love can be acquired after or it can grow with time and patience and a good partnership ability ,it can be  developed or perhaps be transformed from other lesser than feelings thru nurturing  and compassion understanding , tolerance, forgiveness that partnership brings to the table.  The  real true thing that people are desirous of  that people attribute solely to love is really the guts of it all  the most lasting and successful life relationships is partnership, love completes the dream makes it go to its highest and best and gives you that motivation to practice and continue to practice and use your skill sets so that they perform at their optimum and gain their optimum potential so that you are able to achieve optimum performance and satisfaction out of life relationships.  I will give you more of a real life example of this, When people make a commitment to a life relationship such as marriage, unfortunately a lot of the time what happens we get up in front of a bunch of people that are important to us and we enter into a verbal and written and witnessed contract that most of the time sounds more like some love sonnet or poorly written poem or speech  that at the time we have gotten all caught some either an arrangement made by others who really do not have the two parties that are actually having to live this contract in mind  or as it is for most cultures in world  now days they get caught up in some sort of lustful and/or  ooey gooey fairy tail naive  or fear based  perception or reason for making this contract. The words that they vow to each other whether sonnet like or  common marriage speech  the commitment the contract is lost on the two making the commitment ,  it is done without a complete understanding knowledge or education  of what they are really vowing to do  and what they are actually agreeing to. They are really not owning what it is that they are agreeing to have the skills that it requires. Even people who wouldn’t lie or make promises that won’t keep if their life depended on it or enter into the simplest contract for trivial things without a lot research and thought have no problem with doing this, Yes,  like it or not and I am just as guilty of this myself  …making a commitment to be in a life relationship without knowledge or the skill  or understanding and without truly having the right intent is a lie . I know that sounds evil but its not its just one o f those weird human idiosyncratic  oxy moronic things that humans do. So don’t beat yourself up for it this , I’m letting in on this bit just for perspective sake… really there is no judgement about it so don’t go there. Nonetheless because of this lack of seeing the whole picture and understanding what skill sets are required to this formula as you know leads to disaster namely high rates of divorce and you know the pervasive results to that little gem. The other part of the picture is people that are in the process of sorting thru candidates for this life relationship because they are not knowledgeable of the required parameters that the formula requires they pair up or choose partners that may have the love skill set but have no desire to use or be a partner to the other, they are willing to receive the love have their other be a partner but are only to either go thru the motions of the love or hit with reciprocal lust in such a way and with the right timing t hat the other are fooled and believe love is being returned in kind and the partnership is just skipped on over.  Another scenario that happens is that the lust or sexual compatibility is there big time and/or one or more of the parties fulfill in some issue that gives the person some unreality based solution to the issue or it is fulfilling some dependent co dependent beliefs that is  programing that we bought into or relieve some fear based thing that we have bought into. I could go on with the scenarios but I think you smell what I am stepping in here.  Partnership is not just friendship or saying or vowing to be a partner it is one that takes constant awareness , consideration  and work and even though it takes that much the reward is well worth it in a million ways so many I wouldn’t have the time or the paper etc to do it. Partnership means that when you make plans or commitments or decide to change jobs change beliefs that instead of just thinking in terms of me or I that what you do or decide or effects you effects the other person and their life  that the thought process MUST always be  a “we” prospective. That you no longer think in the terms that has been with you since birth that when making the decisions about your life your wants desires  and that it all about you instead  you must always think in the we terms that when making those choices that as a partner and being partner requires you to discuss communicate and validate the others concerns and opinions and keep the other persons needs and wants and welfare when you do things. Even though you must think in “we” terms , you are still individuals and that partnership is not 50% and 50% it is 100% and 100% two whole people not two half people, understand that you are still able to keep your individual self for even though you are in a partnership you  must let the winds of heaven bl ow between you again from “The Prophet” and Kahlil Gabran eloquent words  ”

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
Bottom line when people do not understand that Love is not the  only thing that in this instance Love is not all we need to consider. That the person we choose to commit to or that we should consider as a potential life partner we must not settle for less. We must know and be willing to use as well as require in our life partners the skill sets of partnership and of love for  our life relationships and not settle for anything less in our selves or our significant others. I will hopefully in this series go into the details in more depth what Love  and Partnership are composed of but I hope that you take the time and the effort to process the wisdom that I was given that I have passed on to you  today because I know that it has helped me to be a little better of person and expanded my discernment to choose better that the aspect of the divine that is experiencing itself  that I have been privileged to be , that I am , at this moment and the gift of this bit of understanding  that Spirit  bestowed on me for my soul growth and expansion has helped become a step better brighten the path so that I can walk and stumble less get lost less than I did before. Please if you should find this a gift as I did please do not thank me just pass it on, for if it makes one person better raise their vibration it does so for all.

Thanks for letting me share….hopefully it will help in some small way….many blessings! xoxo Lianna aka The Petite Lion

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Greetings and Salutations One and All! This has been quite a time energetically, it’s like a huge ebbing of the energetic tides and we are getting ready for a tsunami of a love wave like no other! So right now we are seeing a lot of huge changes in people and their circumstances. As a part of the change we are also re aligning with people who are more in our frequency ranges. So we thought we would do a series of articles this month on the topic of relationships. How to navigate them, how to find new ones, how to overcome hurts of old ones that no longer serve your highest good. Both Lianna and I will be submitting articles surrounding this very personal and interesting subjects, the human relationship. Today I would like to tackle the topic of SOULMATES, TWIN FLAMES AND YOU!

What is a soulmate:

A soul mate is a person who is cut from your same cloth. It can be anyone. Your mother in a past life can be your wife in this one. We are constantly incarnating together in different roles to expand our own experience and to balance out the things which need to be balanced.  More often then not, spiritually speaking, soul mates can  bring to the table a great deal of love, a remembrance of lives gone by. This feeling can be so strong in some instances it becomes addicting like a drug to feel that same wonderfully great feeling of love. However, the down side to this is that we are often not meant to recreate a great love affair in this lifetime. We are here for different reasons and this is where most people get messed up with all this. They think because they recognize that person they are meant to be! NOT always the case! In fact, I would say there are more who are not to be then who are.  The purpose of relationships is to accelerate the learning curve. As we interact with each other we continue  to expand our experiences to become whole people. We use others to assist us in this process and they agree to it before you ever arrive on the stage of life.

Then there are those who we have such a strong bond with that it is almost impossible to get them out of your mind because you are so extremely connected with that person. For those of you who have never had this type of an intense connection where you are completely at oneness with another soul then you will probably have some difficulty in wrapping your head around this type of intense love. It is like being addicted to a drug or a habit, as previously mentioned. You cannot function in life’s normal daily activities for your thoughts are consumed like a fire in your heart and head. You eat , drink , sleep this person even when you are fighting you still have that constant love connection. Love doesn’t change or alter, it does however have a double edged sword. With this type of Love when the two are apart it can create total chaos in ones life! You feel as if a part of you has been removed from your body! You feel as if life is just not quite in sync with this person not a part of your world . You cannot seem to function beyond auto pilot. You continue in life much as a zombie. Putting on a happy face when all the while you are dying inside to know how that person is, what are they doing, what are they thinking. Some would call this obsessive compulsive in some ways it can very much mimic that, but this is a different type of deal, this is your heart is sick, being love sick. Even when you succeed at creating a physical separation through marriage or relocation that feeling never goes away, the Love is constant. These types of feelings are more recognized in the romantic relationships but the same can hold true for best friends and family members or a pet. I have been blessed to have experienced soul recognition in many people I have met over the years! Some of them just recently. These types of connections are really wonderful because of the intensity of them for personal awareness, refinement and experience. It helps us to grow stronger to know what we really want or don’t want. To help us get over ourselves with regard to fear, control, or lack of control, self doubt, self pity all of the things that would be negative in today’s definitions of a whole person. Often times we make the mistake of seeing the persons inside and their potential rather then where they truly are, as we have discussed in previous blog entries. If you have one person who is awake and can recognize the other party for who they are in Spirit, yet the other party is asleep and doesn’t believe in such things, this can be an interesting challenge especially for healers and empaths. We have a natural “thing” within us that wants to fix everything because we know we can. We attract the broken and crazy because they recognize that healing energy within. Also there is those who will feel the energy of Love running through you and they recognize the feelings of “home” or being in the oneness of Love, but it is not the person they love it’s the energy they carry! Once that drunk in Spirit wears off, that other person will often go upon their own personal journey without you and usually with another. This is a regular occurence for those who have the path of opening hearts.

So again a soulmate can be anyone, not limited to romance.

Soul Groups what are they?

Soul groups are beings who again are from a group of souls or beings made from the same fiber. Often time our soulmates on Earth are chosen from this “group”. However, in this day and age, I will say that I have seen a lot of cross marriages taking place. Meaning, different houses are forming alliances within resonating soul groups, the result is new genetics to accommodate the future generation’s frequencies.

Twin Flames

It is rare, very rare, that a true twin flame will incarnate within the same lifetime.  In some instances, if the energy is too great or there is a mission/purpose a soul can split into multiple bodies thus creating the twin self on earth. For this reason, the other half our ourselves is usually on the other side assisting us. However, it is not impossible. Nothing is. But more often then not, twin flames do not cross in the same lifetime. I would however agree that there are more sets now then ever before just because of the opportunities to clear karmic issues.

Partnerships are the more common truth in relationships. It often times has nothing to do with love which is a true shame, it’s all about comfort zones and settling for less because you believe that’s all you can achieve or ever have.

That limited thinking is just that. Anything is possible and as long as it’s within divine alignment for your soul plan then it not only can happen but will likely happen.

The problem comes in when we have expectations to a desired outcome. We torture ourselves trying to make square pegs fit into round holes.

We want this person to love us as much as we love them, well in the case where one is asleep the other awakened that is not usually possible. Due to different perceptions as to what is happiness. What is love or friendship by each individuals perceptions is always going to be different. To make relationships of any kind work, there must be a common view of life and common definitions of those terms. It takes a mutual dedication to work things through and not to run away and hide when things get difficult. To trust so that all communication can be honest without fear of repercussions. To be mature enough to be honest with yourself first and those around you. To be determined and patient enough to allow the other person to be all they are, good bad and ugly! We so often want to control or just change this or that to make things work. We need to begin to realize that sometimes when we are holding too tightly we have to let it go so that it can grow into the reality of what we see in that person. We are learning I believe in this time frame the ground rules for being inter-dependent with one another, rather then being co-dependent or too in-dependent or just dependent period.  I will go more into the concept of inter dependence in a later blog.

A soulmate can be a beautiful thing, it can be a giant nightmare to others, usually involving high emotional roller coaster feelings. Just remember, be careful what you ask for or focus on the universe will provide!

I hope this clears up the idea of “soulmates” for people and please, if you have any questions or I can clarify better, please do not hesitate to comment! I will get back to you!

Thanks for reading! xoxo Kimberly

Here are a few other people’s thoughts on “soulmates”.


This entry is rated R for adult language and topics but is full of truths….


Tune in tomorrow night when we discuss this amongst many other aspects of relationships! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight



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Greetings and Salutations One and All! It has been an amazing time of change and rebirth. Many people’s lives have changed, and in the immediate it looks bleak but there is a rainbow after every storm.  How we choose to see the challenges and they are many, is how we will weather that storm and the aftermath from it. It is for sure one of the most difficult challenges in life when your entire world changes in a matter of moments, or hours.  The good news is that just as quickly as it seems to all fall apart there is a solution to the issue at hand or a new door that opens, a new road, a new beginning. It is never easy changes in life, especially when they seem to come to your face back to back to back, but hold steady and take things one moment at a time when it seems that you cannot breath for all the blows you have been given.  Talk it out as much as you can with good friends who do not mind listening. Go ride your bike or get quiet with God in your own personal way and get it out of your system. Allow the emotions to ride through you like walking through a fog. Let them go and realize and accept that what you are dealing with is not a mountain, it only feels like it. See it as a speed bump, knowing that you are on the right track, because the law of opposites always comes first. Do not give up on yourself. Do not give up on God and the Universe. Do your best to say thank you for those things you do have, not focus on what is lacking or now lost. It is in the gratitude that prayers and miracles can work along with a little faith and some action that you do have control of.

I will share with all of you that this past two weeks has been a true test of endurance in faith walking. As many things as one could imagine possibly going wrong did and then some. But all the while I kept telling myself that it would all work out. I had several moments of total breakdown to release the shockwaves that had hit my heart, mind, body and soul. But as I have advised to all of you, I allowed myself to feel those feelings as a part of the response to the stimuli but once that was done, I started to focus on those things I did have in my life that were not broken or gone, those things which survived and needed to be nurtured and valued. I took action on those things which were within my control and asked for help from others un ashamed because it was truly needed in the moment and so grateful that it was there when I did ask. For all the things that went wrong, it could have been so much worse! And as the challenges presented themselves there was someone there to pick up the baton and run with it until the goal of moving me was completed. Now the job of getting me settled and working is at hand. No longer a desire but a need. I had set out on this path to begin anew, to expand myself and my horizons. I made it through when the odds were totally against me making that happen. Moments of doubt in myself in everything and everybody, but they were moments not days or months. The ebb and flow moved quickly and things continue to move with a swiftness I have not experienced since my awakening. I am not perfect, I have my moments of weakness and anger and frustration like all the rest, but I do my best now, to really seize that opportunity to change my perspective and actions around when challenges arise. I stay in the right now. What can I do about this right now? If it’s nothing then fretting will not help at all. So I may retreat and meditate, or write, or sing or walk or sit in the sun, something to change how I am looking at things. Taking a moment to come to a balance. That is not an easy thing to do when you just want to run and hide from the world wondering why you woke up this morning. Not an easy thing to do when you feel like the train has just plowed into your chest and you cannot breath over and over again.

Change always means the death of something and the rebirth of a new thing. It is never the same but if it was, we would not grow, it would be boring and stagnant if there were no adversity in the world. This is why we are grateful for even the challenges in life. Yes life changing. Yes very scary because we do not know what lies before us. We have to remember that it could be something even more wonderful then we ever imagined! It may look the same but it could be better and stronger! YOU are better and stronger having walked through that fire! Now you might be able to help guide another though that same scary moment when they come to it in their walk! You never know until you try it. You never know unless you risk walking through that door of uncertainty and discomfort. Living life requires that you take the risks. Failure is only one step closer to success. We never learn if we don’t try. For me, I worked on the show, the websites, unpacking boxes and organizing one box at a time, I had to rearrange a few things and borrow a friend’s car for awhile, I have to figure out a means of income that will sustain my son and I. When I stepped back and took things as I could, what I could do I did, what I couldn’t do I put off until I could do it with success and clarity. I am being very contemplative in the steps that I make and not doing it from a place of fear or desperation. I have done my best, not totally successful at not reacting but responding. I have remembered to be loving with myself and others and to be grateful for all that I have. To remember that no matter how dark it seems, God has never let me down. Even when things didn’t logically make sense, it will always work out for the highest good of all. I try to remember to be humble and compassionate in my walk. To do deeds in love without expectation. To give until I can give no more of myself, my belongings, my time, my knowledge… and if I do these things, then all the rest will fall into place somehow.

Stand up for what is right. Believe in yourself when no one else does. Remember that we are never alone even though the road can be lonely. Life is meant to be lived. We are meant to be happy whatever that looks like to you. I know that God has not brought me through the many things in life that I have endured to have me fail now. I have to believe that he loves me that much and that I have to love myself that much. I am thankful that I have people around me to remind me to believe in my ability to carry on no matter what. To land on my feet and make lemonade out the lemons I get handed. I do my best to find the serenity in any given moment. The beauty of the sunrise, the peace of the sunset. The simple things in life that make me cherish the life I have and give me the strength to make it through to the next challenge or task at hand and to give me the stamina to endure those moments when life is not fun or happy. I encourage all of you to hear my tales and thoughts and see if you see some of yourself or someone you know in these words and perhaps for a moment see a new perspective a different set of eyes. And that my hope is you find some comfort in knowing that it will all be OK and will work out just as it’s supposed to. Staying in the now, keeps your sanity. Leave for tomorrow what is tomorrows today has enough of its own.

Share with us if you will some of your moments of strength and challenge and how you overcame in your journey. It is good to share so that others may gain from your experience.

I thank you all for your time and consideration of these musings of mine. Be blessed and nothing less always.

Until next time. Adieu. xox Kimberly

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Greetings and Salutations One and All! Today I would like to discuss the importance of positive thinking.  I would like to begin with positive thinking doesn’t mean a 24 hour a day thing, that would make you extreme and robotic and not human at all. The truth of it is, we are humanoids that experience emotions and encounters which trigger emotional responses so that we are given the opportunities to grow individually and as a group.  All things are energy. Nothing more or less. These energies are based in frequencies and when plucked can cause quite a reverberation for all universes to hear. This being said, energy of thought is like plucking that string or set of strings to make a harmonic sound or a chord if you will. Thus is the song of manifestation in the three D world.  When you send out a thought it goes out to the universe good or bad and it will respond to give you what you ask for. This ability is coming much faster then ever before. Understand that it is the thinking part which plucks the cord so it’s important that you cancel out negative thoughts as quickly as they come to your mind. Let them pass through and change them in golden light or purple light and give them to the heavens for transmutation.  Another lady recently said that she sees all her negative thoughts as she is standing next to a river as leaves fallen from the trees to the river of life and sees them floating down stream and transmuting in the water. That is another great visual. The concept here is to release the negative stinkin thinin from your being. When we send enough of these microcosmic negative thoughts into the collective consciousness we are creating energy to feed not such pleasant results. Of course we can diffuse it with the thinking of waves calming in the ocean to a gentle lap against the shores but it’s easier to just be aware of the fact that we feed those larger snowballs of negativity when we do not cancel it out.

Positive thinking in a world full of negative influences and banter is not an easy thing to do. We are programmed from a very young age to think negative thoughts about ourselves and the world around us. Children are not born with things like fear and anger, those things come as they learn from their own environments and the things we stimulate them with. So we have to basically re-think that far back our own thought patterns. Recognizing our own defense patterns and mechanisms. Recognizing when we are living our story and not our present. Recognizing when we are blaming instead of owning our own stuff. Being able to rise above all of that and come to a place of grace and forgiveness is a whole other story! But it is when we are able to come to these states of grace that we are no longer in conflict with the inner shadows of our human nature and programming. We are coming from a place of being and allowing that does not have conflict only peace and harmony and love.

It takes conscious effort to achieve this control over a very active mind and ego. These things are there for a purpose and they do serve us, however, they do not control us, we control it. The same is true of the emotional body. Positive thinking is a huge part of healing and beginning to come to a place of self love and centeredness.

I could go into all types of reasons on a physical body level why positive thinking is important, however in a nutshell our thoughts, music, words we hear or use, effect our DNA and genetic stuff as well as our overall well being. A recent interview I heard with Dee Wallace she puts an interesting spin on stuff, she said that when we experience trauma, that our feminine and masculine energies become imbalanced and freeze in a state of fear and we get stuck in that fear, her suggestion was to with love and gentleness and talk with your inner child let them know that you are in charge now and that you will keep them safe to follow you in expanding yourself to your greatest potential in a positive light and that you will keep that inner child safe. This is the ultimate trust and safety we can achieve, to trust ourselves. To move through and release and reprogram that we do not love ourselves or others. Forgiveness and grace around these situations. Remember that how things appear on the surface to wait and look beneath. There is lots of ILLUSION n delusion running amuck. Tricks upon the eyes and minds eyes so be aware and discern in love and joy whenever possible, see the best within all beings and things. Even the crystals are being affected so it is important that we keep a positive thought whenever possible, to dive into the negative lower vibrational only perpetuates it. So if you are feeling panicky or in a place of fear then think of a place of serenity. You can go to your happy place simply by taking a few deep breaths and thinking differently. Put a happy song in your ears, your mind, your heart and soul. Smile and think of happy things even when you are sad. Realize pain lies in dreams and the past, neither are the now. Know that you are loved and supported by many angels, guides and beings now and always. We control our thoughts and emotions, what do you choose. Release the expectations that people will do as they say see past where they are coming from fear and see the light within them as they too are growing and expanding in their awareness and consciousness, allow them to be and recognize it is theirs and you do not have to own it or pick it up and look at it unless you so CHOOSE. Smiles. I choose to be love. I choose to be joy. I choose to be expansion always in the light. I choose to see things in a different way and be ok that I am the way I am now in this moment.

Make it a great day everyone! Whenever you read this! There is no time like the present! LOL.

xox Kimberly

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We have recorded most of this blog to audio, we did not include all the videos on the recording but a few snippets to get the idea of what was shared. Thanks! Now onto the blog!

Greetings and salutations! I do hope the day is a beautiful one for you!  We have been working very hard on adding new features to the blog as well as the sites for Illuminations of Light. Preparing for our guests up and coming on the radio show.  I am pleased to announce that we will be having Ronna Herman as our first guest, we also have Michael Jaco, ex USNavy SEAL who has written a magnificent book called “The Intuitive Warrior” which I have to tell you guys is a fantastic book for everyone especially the young men in your life! My fifteen year old couldn’t put it down! That show will air 3/9/10-9pm mst. Then of course the Sedona Lights crew joins us 2/23/10! So lots of great guests, we are so blessed and honored to have them joining us! Be sure to tune in for the show!

Ok so enough of the radio stuff and onto today’s subject.  This is a difficult topic to discuss for most people because trust like love can be an illusive emotion. Not sure how to describe it. Why do we require it? What does it mean to you? How do we trust when no one has ever given us something to trust about? These are questions I hear a lot from clients and myself in my own evaluation of what trust is.

Well I cannot say that I am an expert, but I can share with you what the experts say… and give you my opinions about this topic based on what my feelings are.

This is a fairly good article on the topic of rebuilding trust after betrayal

I have had some difficulty in writing this particular entry of the blogs, because on a personal level, the breech of trust has been a prevalent message for me on a personal level.  In the course of this year, I have experienced in people that are close to me, turning on me and betraying me on many levels. So in the course of doing research, a lot of my own stuff came up.  When I evaluated it, did my list, I recognized that I was continuing to have the expectation that people would do what they said, behave a certain way, keep their promises, honor my belongings in my home and vehicle, to honor my wishes, my physical body, to do a job well done for monies earned, be my friend and not my enemy. That is a lot of expectations to have out there in the thinking processes. Then came the word FAITH. To have faith that everything will be handled and fixed. If I believe it will. But you know in the throws of my panic, and I definitely was panicked! I found it very difficult to focus on anything else except how in the world was I going to do all I needed to do and make things come together. This led to looking at my need to control. I had to tell myself, I had no control over any of the things which were taking place around me. And mad about it! Then I had to come to a place of acceptance with that idea, not easily, my inner child was fighting this big time! So once I evaluated what I did and did not have control over, I was able to breath again.  I was able to put things out of the emotional state back into a spiritual state with some deep breathing, talking to a friend, food, crying to release the built up frustrations, rest and then processing.  In the end, it was a computer error, all was fine and I was not as bad off as I originally thought. But I will tell you the drama that set off in my mind was pretty amazing even to me! I was going there! After so much loss this past several years, after all the fighting I did last month to make the radio show and such come together financially, the friends I have had to say goodbye to for good, trust and trusting the universe was not in my mindset. I had to consciously pull it back to get to that point of balance again.

So what is trust?

Trust is a comfort zone within our being that allows us to fully relax and be ourselves. To know that our confidences will be kept and our beings honored and respected. By my definition anyways.

On a metaphysical level however, it is holding onto expectations. If we are having expectations and or judgment about a thing then we are not coming from a place of unconditional love. Because unconditional love has no room for either by definition. Things just ARE. People are where they are in their path and lessons, and sometimes they can act out of character due to outside circumstances, or imbalances which are not within our ability to control. Circumstances can look one way and turn out a totally different way then we thought. If we allow our past experiences to rule our reactions, we are not coming from that place of peace or love.

Forgiveness:

When we agree to forgive a broken trust or betrayal it doesn’t mean that we forget. But it is in the not forgetting that we remember our lessons with regard to that incident.  It’s in the remembering that we recognize certain signs right? Many people would agree with that statement, but the reality is if we are staying truly in the moment, in the right now, then we are not experiencing the exact same thing in the exact same way, we are in a different place because we are different and have hopefully grown from that past experience. If we have not let go then there will be reactions, expectations and lots of self sabotage.  Of course I am not referring to life threatening circumstances, I would not recommend that you stay with a person who continues to be abusive, but you can in the recovery come to a place of tolerance and forgiveness of that person.  If we know a person is a chronic liar, white lies, half truths, omissions of facts to the whole story, or just bold face lies to our face. The person is more then likely coming from a place of fear that they would feel the need to lie.  So try to see things from their eyes. Why are they doing what it is they are doing? Are they ill? Are they afraid? Are they within their rational thinking zone? If not then know that they will have to deal with the consequences of their own actions. They will be repaid by the law of cause and effect. Look at them with pity not anger and loathing and disgust, with compassion for the pain they must be under. This is coming from the place of uncondtional love. Remember, ” Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.” None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are repeated because the person does not see themselves as doing that, i.e. compulsive liars, sociopaths, co dependents, addicts, or just people who are in denial or believe their own lies they have been telling them so long. In the instance of adultery, this is something that can definitely be worked around and through if you love your partner enough to put the effort and the work involved to make it work.  Often times cheating is a symptom of much deeper rooted issues within a persona or a relationship. It’s the core reasons WHY someone looks outside of a relationship which are the real culprits of the break down. Communications are essential, being honest with one’s self and then their partner is also essential.

Honesty. To be able to at the very least, be honest with yourself. When you are cheating and lying to your family, you are a liar. That’s not calling names, it’s stating a fact. You are lying to yourself to think otherwise.  If you are not following through with your word, you are lying. If you are not keeping promises or going back on them, you are lying.  If you are flaking on appointments and making excuses that’s still a form of lying and if you are telling a half truth, or half information, that too is a lie.

Webster’s defines these terms as such:

Lie-

intransitive verb 1 : to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
2 : to create a false or misleading impression

transitive verb : to bring about by telling lies <lied his way out of trouble>

synonyms lie, prevaricate, equivocate, palter, fib mean to tell an untruth. lie is the blunt term, imputing dishonesty <lied about where he had been>. prevaricate softens the bluntness of lie by implying quibbling or confusing the issue <during the hearings the witness did his best to prevaricate>. equivocate implies using words having more than one sense so as to seem to say one thing but intend another <equivocated endlessly in an attempt to mislead her inquisitors>. palter implies making unreliable statements of fact or intention or insincere promises <a swindler paltering with his investors>. fib applies to a telling of a trivial untruth <fibbed about the price of the new suit>.
Liar-
Main Entry: li·ar
Pronunciation: \ˈlī(-ə)r\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lēogere, from lēogan to lie — more at lie
Date: before 12th century

: a person who tells lies

Honesty-

Main Entry: hon·es·ty
Pronunciation: \ˈä-nəs-tē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural hon·es·ties
Date: 14th century

1 obsolete : chastity
2 a : fairness and straightforwardness of conduct b : adherence to the facts : sincerity
3 : any of a genus (Lunaria) of European herbs of the mustard family with toothed leaves and flat disk-shaped siliques

synonyms honesty, honor, integrity, probity mean uprightness of character or action. honesty implies a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way. honor suggests an active or anxious regard for the standards of one’s profession, calling, or position. integrity implies trustworthiness and incorruptibility to a degree that one is incapable of being false to a trust, responsibility, or pledge. probity implies tried and proven honesty or integrity.
Trust:
Main Entry: 1trust
Pronunciation: \ˈtrəst\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, probably of Scandinavian origin; akin to Old Norse traust trust; akin to Old English trēowe faithful — more at true
Date: 13th century

1 a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed
2 a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope b : reliance on future payment for property (as merchandise) delivered : credit <bought furniture on trust>
3 a : a property interest held by one person for the benefit of another b : a combination of firms or corporations formed by a legal agreement; especially : one that reduces or threatens to reduce competition
4 archaic : trustworthiness
5 a (1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another b : responsible charge or office c : care, custody <the child committed to her trust>

in trust : in the care or possession of a trustee

Betray-

Main Entry: be·tray
Pronunciation: \bi-ˈtrā, bē-\
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from be- + trayen to betray, from Anglo-French trahir, from Latin tradere — more at traitor
Date: 13th century

transitive verb 1 : to lead astray; especially : seduce
2 : to deliver to an enemy by treachery
3 : to fail or desert especially in time of need <betrayed his family>
4 a : to reveal unintentionally <betray one’s true feelings> b : show, indicate c : to disclose in violation of confidence <betray a secret>intransitive verb : to prove false

synonyms see reveal

be·tray·al \-ˈtrā(-ə)l\ noun

be·tray·er \-ˈtrā-ər\ noun

FORGIVE:

Main Entry: for·give
Pronunciation: \fər-ˈgiv, fȯr-\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): for·gave \-ˈgāv\; for·giv·en \-ˈgi-vən\; for·giv·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English forgifan, from for- + gifan to give
Date: before 12th century

transitive verb 1 a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult> b : to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>
2 : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon <forgive one’s enemies>intransitive verb : to grant forgiveness

EXPECTATION:

Main Entry: ex·pec·ta·tion
Pronunciation: \ˌek-ˌspek-ˈtā-shən, ik-\
Function: noun
Date: 1540

1 : the act or state of expecting : anticipation <in expectation of what would happen>
2 a : something expected <not up to expectations> <expectations for an economic recovery> b : basis for expecting : assurance <they have every expectation of success> c : prospects of inheritance —usually used in plural
3 : the state of being expected
4 a : expectancy 2b b : expected value

ex·pec·ta·tion·al \-ˈtā-shə-nəl, -shnəl\ adjective

JUDGMENT:

Main Entry: judg·ment
Variant(s): or judge·ment \ˈjəj-mənt\
Function: noun
Date: 13th century

1 a : a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion b : an opinion so pronounced
2 a : a formal decision given by a court b (1) : an obligation (as a debt) created by the decree of a court (2) : a certificate evidencing such a decree
3 a capitalized : the final judging of humankind by God b : a divine sentence or decision; specifically : a calamity held to be sent by God
4 a : the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing b : an opinion or estimate so formed
5 a : the capacity for judging : discernment b : the exercise of this capacity
6 : a proposition stating something believed or asserted

synonyms see sense
BALANCE-
9 : mental and emotional steadiness
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE:
to love unconditionally, no expectation, no judgment or opinion, to allow people and things to just BE as they are right now.
If we are communicating well and effectively, if we are coming from a place of forgiveness and unconditional love, if we are allowing the other person to be themselves in a non controlling fashion, if we are being courteous and kind and understanding and compassionate to those around us, trust comes naturally. When we lack trust, we are coming from a place of lack, of fear, of non belief and non faith. This does nothing for the other party or the situation, only serves to make us upset and angry. We have to release the expectations that people behave a certain way or we are trying to exert control over something we have no control over. Thus our feelings of betrayal. We are truly responsible for how WE feel. No one else. Trust in yourself. Trust in the universe that all things are perfect at all times. Trust in the ebbs and flows of life. Give thanks even in the moments of greatest frustration and despair.
FAITH- Find Answers In The Heart!  If you are truly a spiritual person, then KNOW that things will work out for your highest good and the good of all concerned. KNOW that you are not alone EVER! When we say a prayer, say it like this…”Thank you for <insert the thing you are asking for>” and KNOW that it’s been heard and will be answered one way or the other. Then LEAVE IT THERE! If you begin to worry, or fret or discuss it you take it back from the universe! Let go and let god! Means leave it there, and know in your heart that it will be handled! If you can do this, if you consciously make that choice in the middle of the worry, you will see that things clear up much more quickly, answers are revealed, solutions brought to the light, opportunities open up again. We are truly our own worst enemies. We muck things up all the time. People are human. Humans learn from experiences good and bad. Sometimes, it takes a lifetime of experience to get it, sometimes several, but it is neither right or wrong. For there is no right or wrong. There is what works and what doesn’t work for us. Cause and effect. But there is no right and wrong. Just what is.
So if you are struggling with the issues of trust. Whether to trust or not. How to feel that peace and flow where trust and safety just are there. Begin with YOU. Look at those things which you do not really wish to admit to yourself. Healer, heal thyself. Begin with being honest with yourself brutally honest. See if this doesn’t change your attitude and your life just a little bit. It is something which is earned, how we treat each other makes a big difference. Consistency and repeated behaviors instill security and that safety feeling. Keeping confidences. Keeping your word. Things that we all would like to have. So put that out. Be an honest person to the best of your ability. Be a forgiving and caring person, you would want that if the shoe were on the other foot. Do not be extreme, use good common sense. If someone is hurting you, do what you can to stop them from doing it again. Do not put yourself into circumstances which will encourage the behavior. If someone steals from you, do not leave valuable things alone with them. If someone constantly lies to you, take it with a grain of salt and verify it. Do not accuse just because they have done it before, doesn’t always mean they will do it again, so ASK for clarification when words and actions do not line up. If they still lie then walk away, do not engage. Feel sorry for them and walk away knowing you know what the truth is. For they may see their version of the truth and they are entitled to it even if you disagree. If someone has left you for another, then they are not meant to be with you, it’s their choice too. If they have been unfaithful and broken an agreement, look at the reasons why and assess the core issues. It may or may not work out, you may find the other issues are not ones that can be worked out, then again you may find they can be and it will bring you together even stronger then before. No the love and the feelings can never be the same, but we can choose which way they go. We choose, we decide. We also when dealing with others have to honor their freedom of choice too. That’s a tough one to swallow for most. Why we love them and they will not love us back. What did we do ?? Sometimes, most times, it’s not about YOU. It’s about them and their own issues or insecurities or fears. Sometimes its just time to move on, people are in our lives a day, a season or a lifetime. Not all things are meant to last forever, just for their time. Acceptance is difficult. WE want to control outcomes, we want to control other’s behaviors. Reality, looking at things as they are , not as they could be or should be or were.  I’m sure there are many out there who would disagree with this assessment of trust and the solutions it provides and that’s fine. These are my perspectives, how I get through, how I can forgive even the most dreadful behaviors. Perhaps some of this will  help you or someone you know when you are faced with betrayal of any kind. The disappointment which stems from expectations not met. That’s on us. Not the other person. They have to live with their actions and words and choices. Just as we all do. But we can overcome the lack of trust in others and ourselves. It takes work and real honesty within ourselves.
I think that’s enough for today. Blessed be, one and ALL.
with love n light in my heart,
Kimberly
Here’s some other experts and what they have to say on this topic.

Patty German-Individual Therapy: Learning to Trust Again

Burt Harding on Trust
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Burt Harding on What to do when caught in emotional suffering….What’s Next?
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Burt Harding on Loving Acceptance Brings Total Change…
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Learning to trust again …. Why should we?
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Part II of Learning to Trust Again….
There are 15 entries to this last video series, you can access them on the right side of youtubes other videos.
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Learning to trust others the right way….
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Be an encourager
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How to get your partner to trust you again….

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I am pleased to announce that we now have this blog on audio! So you can listen to it even if you do not have time to read the entire blog! Enjoy! xox Kimberly 2/7/10.

Part II- Audio Blog

Part III-Audio Blog

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A perfect song for today’s topic. Love it!

Greetings and salutations one and all. It was not the weekend I had hoped it would be, I was ill for most of it, and missed the pow wow unfortunately. So I did some research for my up and coming show with Elizabeth Rose on OUR WORLDS on ZTalk radio. We are going to be discussing relationships. In preparing for this show, I really had forgotten how much there is to talk about this particular subject.

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What is co-dependency? What is enabling? How do we become co – dependent?

These are some of the initial questions people have when you begin to discuss this topic. Much as other issues, in some circles this term is over used and so people have forgotten that it’s a serious issue in this country especially! MOST people have been involved in some form of dysfunctional relationship at some point in their lifetime. This is a condition which affects 75% of the people who end up in unhealthy relationships. It starts off all wonderful, (the honeymoon period), and then turns into something very different then a loving relationship.

I think one of the best explanations of this issue is explained in Mental Health America’s explanation of it. They outline they symptoms and affects in our lives.

They define it as , “Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.”

They go onto to say, “Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t touch. They don’t confront. They don’t feel. They don’t trust. The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited.”

“Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self.”

This is the crux of the situation, as the Mental Health America see it, you can spot co dependency in these characteristics:

Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine – and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity.  They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.  The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.”

There is so much more information out there on this topic! I would encourage everyone to read this article! Very informative and I am sure you will see someone you know in this description or possibly yourself.

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My input is this:

Why is loving self first so very important. – Religion teaches us the wrong thing, to love others before ourselves. The Truth is that if you love Creator/God/Goddess/Allah, you MUST love yourself first because IT resides within us! To deny ourselves is to deny Spirit! The greatest blasphemy of all, the one adam and eve committed, they walked away from God by doubting themselves and feeling shame. We are doing the same by not honoring and loving ourselves and the spirit within us in our hearts. So it is not SELFISH to love ourselves, it’s SELF Centered, meaning centered within ourselves. Not that we are the only one in our own universe exclusive from all else in existence type of Self Centered.

How do we get to this point? – Again how we are raised contributes a lot to how we are programmed. I use the word programmed because that is what it is. We are living bio computers, who are programmed and as such we have the ability to CHANGE that program within ourselves.

How do we get out?- The first step is to look at yourself honestly. My daddy used to tell me, wherever you are , there you are! and he also used to tell me and still does, “there are somethings you admit to the whole world, then there are those things which you only entrust to a select few, then there are those things which we would never tell a soul, then there are the things we cannot accept and admit to ourselves, and therein is where our sickness lies”. My daddy is a very wise man! Words of wisdom from those who have been here longer then I are always a better way to learn. So it begins with the one in the mirror. Louise Hay who is one of my personal heros, taught us that how we see ourselves directly reflects in ailments later on in the body. One of her techniques to loving yourself is looking in the mirror and telling yourself you love you and really mean it. NOT an easy thing at first. The other suggestion she makes is to do positive affirmations.

Home is where the heart is, and if we do not take care of ourselves then who will? -We are always striving to get home, what does this mean?- Home is love. Where we feel safe and at peace enough to let our hair down and be ourselves. So wherever you are there you are, home is wherever you are!

What steps to take when we are learning to love ourselves again??. -Do things that used to bring you joy as a child. Getting in touch with your inner child is critical in the healing process of becoming whole again. Coloring in coloring books is a great therapy for people who are learning to get in touch with themselves again. Blowing bubbles or flying a kite or going for an ice cream CONE instead of a bowl! These may seem like small things, but seeing life through the eyes of a child is a good first step to work towards.

DO YOU! Break the cycles of co dependence strive for self empowerment and INDEPENDENCE.~

Co dependence is a condition that plagues many here in the united states. It is one of the number one conditions in most relationships today. People who are trying to fill something outside of themselves get locked into these types of relationships on a regular basis. They take on many forms, addiction, abuse, isolation and much more. We get into the mode of not loving ourselves feeling like we deserve that on some level and so we stay put even when it’s detrimental to our well being. It drains the heart and the spirit. When we are around negative people of any kind they are stealing our energy and so we are left drained, if we do not put it back then we are leaving the door open for other more serious issues down the road. Apathy and accepting or settling for less is one of the common results. People get so focused on the other person that they forget they have their own life to live and a duty to themselves to stay healthy and happy. Therein is the rub. If we do not believe in ourselves this is a very difficult step. So how does one begin to break the cycle? Well as we have already mentioned loving yourself and believing you are lovable and deserving of love is part of it. For guys, the bigger issue is learning to love at all.

Most men are taught that love is a weakness and something that is not to be desired, love is about conquest not partnership, that being emotional or vulnerable is a bad thing. Understand the opposite sex and how they think becomes important to understand and know. Men go their caves to work out emotional stuff, women we have to talk about it with everyone around us. A very key difference that most women or men do not get even about themselves. So learning to communicate again in a better way is part of this process. When you get the urge to jump in and save someone because they are not behaving in a rational or appropriate manner, wanting to FIX them or the problem at hand, we have to learn to let them learn on their own. Allow them to go off and do what they do because that is who they are right now! Most of us get locked into what could be if only….. how many times have you heard that! Setting goals, there’s nothing wrong with that, and working toward them fine, but to live as if it’s going to happen over night, is an unreasonable standard. Learning to not expect things from people, is another key thing. When we expect people to behave or respond a certain way, we are trying to control the outcome. We usually will get just the opposite if that is where our thinking is. Thus setting ourselves up for disappointment. We then get into the victim/martyr syndrome and so the cycle begins of not loving ourselves enough to break it. So learning to communicate our boundries to people we love, which will often times result in a lash out from those closest to us. But will eventually turn itself around, this can take years in some instances.

Some ideas to take the first steps:

Take up a hobby in your spare time. Do reading, or writing, or running or charity work, something to occupy your own time. The more you keep your own world and interests, the less you will be thinking of the bad stuff or the other person, and when you do meet someone you enjoy, you will have something to share, to offer to help you both grow and keep the love lines flowing. Most relationships become stagnant because we come to a point where we feel we have given everything but what happened to me in the process, we lose ourselves in others definitions of what we should be, mom , dad, brother , sister, whipping post, scapegoat, doesnt matter which position it is, it’s still not US and who we are inside really. In giving too much of ourselves up this is a common result. So do you, what makes you happy, what brings you joy, without another person being involved, learning to enjoy your own company is key as well. All baby steps, do not push yourself too hard or you will feel overwhelmed and not want to continue the process voluntarily, I say this because once you start , there really is no turning back.

Make a list and check it twice. – Make a list of the perfect things ideally you would want in your mate. Then check yourself against that list. Are YOU all of those things? If your answer is NO, then you are not ready for a serious committed relationship. Because you are seeking those qualities outside yourself. Secondly- Check that list against the ones who have been in your life, how did they match up to the list. If they didn’t what qualities are you willing to work around or compromise on , can live with?  Then what qualities you cannot stand, ones you cannot compromise or live with. Do the same for friends, what is a friend to you? What does that look like. Are you a friend to others? (be totally honest). Putting the various relationships up on the board, look for patterns, you will see what the programming is that they feed. This is part of learning to be responsible for the things which happen in our lives. We often bring people to be the mirror to look at these very things. Most people just do not know where to start. So making a list is a great tangible way to look at yourself and your life and relationships honestly. People talk about writing a journal this could be part of that journey.

The greatest love affair you could ever have is one with yourself! – you have all you need within you to be a whole person. The question is are you willing to do the work it takes to achieve that especially if there are challenges, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being alone, fear of success. These are all challenges we come to the table with in our lives, overcoming them, having the understanding and knowing that you survived it, only feeds the fire to love yourself. Confidence is not exaggerated ego, the way some would see it or you. So love you!

It takes two whole people who compliment one another to make a lasting relationship. 1+1=2 NOT 1 like all the songs and propaganda would have you believe. Get back to basics. Fireproof the movie and book lay a great way to achieve this for couples who have been together awhile. We are NOT our story, or anyone else’s. We have the power to change ourselves, how we see things makes a big difference. Looking at ourselves is HARD work! But so worth the journey and the destination. How can you hope to find love if you do not know it exists within you always!

Respect, common courtesy communication- we get so lost in our corporate / survival mentalities we forget these very basic things in our relationships and interactions with people.You have to give without expectation of something in return. The laws of cause and effect, Law of Attraction, The Golden Rule, all tell you the natural result, but expectation will attract the Law of Opposites.

The art of courtship ….. People have forgotten to take the time to get to know each other before hopping into bed together and making babies. Take the time to get to know the person and watch them move through changes so you can more accurately compare that list you made. Allow that person to become a trusted friend before you talk about love. Yes you can have attraction , even soul recognition and perhaps this is a person who destined for you for a time, but if you base your relationships on that type of feeling , chances are you will not survive as a couple. So taking the time to get to know each other and compare your lists for a perfect mate see where they line up and where they do not, see if you can compromise in the areas which are not perfect, if there are too many negatives and not enough positives, if both people are not shoulder to shoulder walkin gin the same direction then you are setting yourself up for failure. (feeding old tapes you are not good enough) So learning to be friends and taking the time to allow that without the complication of hormones in sex, be celibate and learn to LIKE the other person. We can love someone to bits and not like them!and not be able to live with them. My daddy said to me, “If you can be friends for five years and endure all the changes people go through in that amount of time, you have a good shot at the marriage lasting!” I say friends first, last and always.

Can you commit to yourself, the way you commit to everyone else you love? – I challenge you the audience to do this, make a commitment to yourself to do something loving and good for yourself daily for thirty days. See what results you get from yourself, your thinking and the people around you.

I dare ya to! I double dog dare ya! Giggles!

Those were excerpts from my notes for the show on Wednesday on OUR WORLDS with Elizabeth Rose on Ztalkradio.com 5-7pm EST.

Here are a few YOUTUBES on the topic you might find helpful as well.

I liked her message to the younger generation didn’t you?

If you think that you have these issues, I recommend you research it, see many perspectives. Seek help. Co-Dependents Anonymous (CODA), Adult Children of Alcoholics, or a professional family counselor. There is no shame in exploring one’s self!

I do hope you found some interesting and useful information in this blog entry. Please send in questions on this topic to Illuminationsoflight@yahoo.com. We will be answering questions LIVE on Wed too! Numbers to call..

Until next time! Peace, Love and Joy! xoxo Kimberly


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