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Posts Tagged ‘recovery’

Greetings and Salutations One and All! It has been an amazing time of change and rebirth. Many people’s lives have changed, and in the immediate it looks bleak but there is a rainbow after every storm.  How we choose to see the challenges and they are many, is how we will weather that storm and the aftermath from it. It is for sure one of the most difficult challenges in life when your entire world changes in a matter of moments, or hours.  The good news is that just as quickly as it seems to all fall apart there is a solution to the issue at hand or a new door that opens, a new road, a new beginning. It is never easy changes in life, especially when they seem to come to your face back to back to back, but hold steady and take things one moment at a time when it seems that you cannot breath for all the blows you have been given.  Talk it out as much as you can with good friends who do not mind listening. Go ride your bike or get quiet with God in your own personal way and get it out of your system. Allow the emotions to ride through you like walking through a fog. Let them go and realize and accept that what you are dealing with is not a mountain, it only feels like it. See it as a speed bump, knowing that you are on the right track, because the law of opposites always comes first. Do not give up on yourself. Do not give up on God and the Universe. Do your best to say thank you for those things you do have, not focus on what is lacking or now lost. It is in the gratitude that prayers and miracles can work along with a little faith and some action that you do have control of.

I will share with all of you that this past two weeks has been a true test of endurance in faith walking. As many things as one could imagine possibly going wrong did and then some. But all the while I kept telling myself that it would all work out. I had several moments of total breakdown to release the shockwaves that had hit my heart, mind, body and soul. But as I have advised to all of you, I allowed myself to feel those feelings as a part of the response to the stimuli but once that was done, I started to focus on those things I did have in my life that were not broken or gone, those things which survived and needed to be nurtured and valued. I took action on those things which were within my control and asked for help from others un ashamed because it was truly needed in the moment and so grateful that it was there when I did ask. For all the things that went wrong, it could have been so much worse! And as the challenges presented themselves there was someone there to pick up the baton and run with it until the goal of moving me was completed. Now the job of getting me settled and working is at hand. No longer a desire but a need. I had set out on this path to begin anew, to expand myself and my horizons. I made it through when the odds were totally against me making that happen. Moments of doubt in myself in everything and everybody, but they were moments not days or months. The ebb and flow moved quickly and things continue to move with a swiftness I have not experienced since my awakening. I am not perfect, I have my moments of weakness and anger and frustration like all the rest, but I do my best now, to really seize that opportunity to change my perspective and actions around when challenges arise. I stay in the right now. What can I do about this right now? If it’s nothing then fretting will not help at all. So I may retreat and meditate, or write, or sing or walk or sit in the sun, something to change how I am looking at things. Taking a moment to come to a balance. That is not an easy thing to do when you just want to run and hide from the world wondering why you woke up this morning. Not an easy thing to do when you feel like the train has just plowed into your chest and you cannot breath over and over again.

Change always means the death of something and the rebirth of a new thing. It is never the same but if it was, we would not grow, it would be boring and stagnant if there were no adversity in the world. This is why we are grateful for even the challenges in life. Yes life changing. Yes very scary because we do not know what lies before us. We have to remember that it could be something even more wonderful then we ever imagined! It may look the same but it could be better and stronger! YOU are better and stronger having walked through that fire! Now you might be able to help guide another though that same scary moment when they come to it in their walk! You never know until you try it. You never know unless you risk walking through that door of uncertainty and discomfort. Living life requires that you take the risks. Failure is only one step closer to success. We never learn if we don’t try. For me, I worked on the show, the websites, unpacking boxes and organizing one box at a time, I had to rearrange a few things and borrow a friend’s car for awhile, I have to figure out a means of income that will sustain my son and I. When I stepped back and took things as I could, what I could do I did, what I couldn’t do I put off until I could do it with success and clarity. I am being very contemplative in the steps that I make and not doing it from a place of fear or desperation. I have done my best, not totally successful at not reacting but responding. I have remembered to be loving with myself and others and to be grateful for all that I have. To remember that no matter how dark it seems, God has never let me down. Even when things didn’t logically make sense, it will always work out for the highest good of all. I try to remember to be humble and compassionate in my walk. To do deeds in love without expectation. To give until I can give no more of myself, my belongings, my time, my knowledge… and if I do these things, then all the rest will fall into place somehow.

Stand up for what is right. Believe in yourself when no one else does. Remember that we are never alone even though the road can be lonely. Life is meant to be lived. We are meant to be happy whatever that looks like to you. I know that God has not brought me through the many things in life that I have endured to have me fail now. I have to believe that he loves me that much and that I have to love myself that much. I am thankful that I have people around me to remind me to believe in my ability to carry on no matter what. To land on my feet and make lemonade out the lemons I get handed. I do my best to find the serenity in any given moment. The beauty of the sunrise, the peace of the sunset. The simple things in life that make me cherish the life I have and give me the strength to make it through to the next challenge or task at hand and to give me the stamina to endure those moments when life is not fun or happy. I encourage all of you to hear my tales and thoughts and see if you see some of yourself or someone you know in these words and perhaps for a moment see a new perspective a different set of eyes. And that my hope is you find some comfort in knowing that it will all be OK and will work out just as it’s supposed to. Staying in the now, keeps your sanity. Leave for tomorrow what is tomorrows today has enough of its own.

Share with us if you will some of your moments of strength and challenge and how you overcame in your journey. It is good to share so that others may gain from your experience.

I thank you all for your time and consideration of these musings of mine. Be blessed and nothing less always.

Until next time. Adieu. xox Kimberly

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Regrets, Questions, and Finding a Way Forward
By Nick Esten-E5 USNavy
I had one of those reflective days where I generally kept to myself and let my mind wander to places that I’ve struggled to forget. It’s pretty easy for me to get lost in my thoughts, because at any given time, my brain remembers, forgets, learns and processes all the little electric signals that produce these words on the screen…

I hear a lot of people claim they have no regrets and sometimes I know they’re lying or they haven’t reached that point yet, but everyone at some point will do or say something that will absolutely and irrevocably shift the course of the rest of their life.

“I wouldn’t be the person I am today if not for “insert excuse here””

Most people say this because it’s the accepted answer to the age old question “What do you regret?”

I think that answer’s a lie, because deep down, most people don’t really like themselves. They hide from themselves; they make excuses for themselves as to why this and why that, and they don’t really know what they are saying. They only know what is acceptable to say.

I know these people exist because I am one of those people. I could sit here and say that in my short 24 years in existence I haven’t done one thing that I regret, but everyone would know it to be flat out bulls**t. I’ve done unfair things to good people, and it cost me everything…the girl I loved, the future I had dreamed of…everything that makes a life colorful was taken because I chose poorly.

And I regret that it took me losing everything to learn one simple lesson; that another person had to suffer because I, for some reason, didn’t have the good sense or courage to stand up for what was right and what I believed in.

You know what I learned?

Integrity is everything. It’s the foundation on which my character is built, not some garment that I can take on and off at will. You give up your integrity, you don’t have anything after that, because everything you are is a pile of s**t.

A life is nothing more than a series of small events, strung together by the fabric of time and the happiest souls are not the ones who have the least worries; they’re the ones who remain flexible. Who, no matter what may come, use a stumbling block as a stepping stone. They’re the ones who move through life like water.

I want that. I had that. Once. I know I can have it again. I’m just lost. I have no real direction, no real goal, I’m just moving through these days without any sort of enthusiasm for much of anything except art. Stories. Poems. Music. Songs. Movies. Photography. These things that move the soul…

I let so many days go. So many days that could’ve been spent better, but I chose to waste them, and now that I can hear his footsteps a little clearer, those days now seem so much more precious. I only have one life, and I want to make it mean something. I want to leave this world a better place than the one I came into. And it’s hard because I see so much of the world going wrong, and I, having so very little control over my own world, don’t know what to do.

I go to work and I come back and I watch the cars go by on the freeway below. Or the ships that sit in port out in the harbor. I wonder why I can’t be more like the wind? To roll freely like I once did.

As you can tell, I spend a lot of time falling back into the past. It’s gone. The very best days of my life are gone and that’s a pretty sad thought…but the beautiful thing about it is that I have no idea what’s yet to come. So my best days may yet be ahead of me. Maybe not, but there is still air in my lungs and if God permits my soul to return each day, then I will find the meaning in my life once again.

In and of itself, life is too big a mystery to figure out in one lifetime. But then again, maybe I’ll get lucky and become one of those happy sages found in some hidden stretch of mountains. Maybe I’ll be old and bald with a bunch of grandchildren and a wife I adore…who knows. I don’t let myself think of such things because deep down, I don’t believe in them. But just because I don’t believe, doesn’t mean it can’t happen…because there are a lot of people who believe in me…and for me.

And I try so desperately not to disappoint.

What more can be said? What would I do for one more day? What would have happened if I had been the one to die that day instead of her? What would she have become? Would she be married? Would she have kids? What would she look like? Her face is just a blur to me now…

I won’t ever be able to answer those questions…survivor’s guilt is something that stays with you all the days of your life. When someone gives their life for yours, what do you do when your life has become such a disappointment?

I wish I knew the answer.

All I know for sure is that somewhere out in the unknown mists of time, there’s an end waiting for me. A lake to which this life of mine flows. And when I get there, I will have a smile on my face because I will know that I was loved, and that I made a difference in someone’s life. That is my motivation. Not to waste a sacrifice. I will find my way through the fog and dark and cold and whatever kind of misery this life can hurl at me. And I will be the light in the dark for people as I have been…for what is to give light, must endure burning.

From this day forward, I live my life for the people who make it worth living. The friends that make me smile, the love that makes me glow, and the series of small events that will make this life of mine a damn good read someday. When I’m gone…I want people to remember one thing and one thing only.

Love.

Because that is what I remember.

“What tomorrow brings, we cannot know”

From the mouths of babes….
This is my son. My first born. It’s nice to know when some of your own teachings begin to shine through. Especially yesterday when this was written, regrets, the things we do that we wish we could change. We are not our story. We can change right now. This moment as you are reading this blog. Life is too short to waste on things that are not real, not tangible, not worthy of our love and energy. If people do not want to drink after they have been given the trough full of water and instructions on how to drink, then there is nothing to be done. Walk away. Pray for them. Live YOUR life to the fullest in truth to yourself most of all. It’s those lies we will not admit to ourselves where our sickness lies. Those are the tapes so deep that you hear them in your sleep. The ones that creep out when you least expect them. The ones that cause us to self sabotage. The ones that make you forget that love is a two way street it takes cooperation on both sides to make it work. The ones that make us feel “less than” or “not enough” or “not worthy” or “bad” because we fail to live up to another’s expectations or our own.

I was faced recently with do I want LOVE or do I want a PARTNER … the man I love, still to this day, is in no way shape or form partner material for me at this time. He is unavailable on several levels, most of all emotional. Too afraid to explore changes outside his comfort levels inside and out. A lion in business, the cowardly lion inside, searching for his courage that was always there if he believed in himself enough to not care what others thought. A true warrior knows that love is his strength not a dark spot in his life. A partner works as a team, thinks as a team, lets nothing stand in the way of the goal of the team and never leaves a man or woman behind. One too can have a partner without love. Is that better? To live a life content but not fulfilling without love in it. Because it’s always been that way, because to go outside the “story” people have of you,  may make them or yourself look bad? Why would you care what the other person thinks really? Who are you trying to impress? Would it occur to that person that perhaps misery loves company? Would it occur to that person that to dictate, “you are the one we all look up to, you are the perfect example of what life should look like” just because you do things OUR WAY or a certain way, is a form of manipulation for control over your thinking and not about duty or respect? If passive aggressive behavior is the price you pay if you do not conform to the “idea” , “the plan”, “the way it should be”, all because you did what made you happy? That we are to surpass our parents thinking so as to evolve as a species? To be real with our kids and prepare them for the real world not some fantasy “Keeping up with the Jones” or sheltering them from the pains that real life bring and being the example of how to get around that and still be true to yourself?? To exist without love is not life. You are not living in my opinion if that is the case. Existence and survival are not living!  I decided that I wanted LOVE AND A PARTNER IN ONE! When I drew that boundry, I was met with anger, rejection, cruelty, everything that was not love. I knew this person had been lying to themselves and when I made that person look at it, they reacted with chaos and coldness and chose to walk away. To walk away from love, for convenience and the comfort of what is known, to be nothing more then a provider and a gopher,  a cog in a dilapidated wheel, which as all things mechanical wear out,  to be a shell of the person they could be, even though that life is toxic to their soul? They see a duty misplaced, loyalty not earned,  a truth…perceived… that is not truth to most people’s perceptions, but to them  it is.(Hitler thought he was RIGHT! Doing what GOD AND EVERYONE EXPECTED HIM TO DO AS THE “MAN” THE “LEADER” Yet, no one else saw it that way….. did that make it right to them or the people who suffered at all costs to keep his “vision” of what was right?  They had love in the palm of their hands, lying in their arms, two hearts beating as one and peace in the closeness, the truth of love, lights appearing with each and every kiss and comfort in their soul…..except when it came time to follow through on promises and dreams created, to put action and commitment to the vision,  to pay the piper, to walk the talk, to pay the debts one creates through words and actions. Then that person became angry, saw things as an attack, as an ultimatum, as fear. Pushing it away. Stomping on it. Belittling it. Not allowing it to exist within their own mind. What we resist will persist. And sometimes it’s too late.  All because they were too weak to say enough is enough. I choose love and happiness. Truth is subjective, if the truth is a perspective. What IS just IS. This person will assuredly regret his choice when they realize, they are totally alone. When the people they trusted to have the answers, when they didn’t want to look for themselves, prove to be wrong for them even though it worked for this person who gave this advice, or the people who they try to keep happy all the time being the golden child in their eyes die or get sick and do not remember those answers and are no longer there to give them that ego affirmation, when the duty and loyalty back fires in their face with betrayal, when the world they so desperately hold onto, fought for, to save it’s existence, the dream of what they wanted so desperately in the beginning when they truly settled for less then what they originally wanted,  exists no more because it was all just illusion, when their greatest fears come to pass and they lose the respect of those who matter most because they refused to take a chance and grow. When they too can gain the insight that my children and I have gained. Love is all there is … to live your life for the sake of how it looks or for someone else’s well being, is a lie to yourself. To lie to yourself is a sad sickness that can be changed at any moment, it’s never too late. Walk your talk and act with love and integrity, accept that life is not perfect and to deal with it the best you can as long as you have love around you. Interesting to think how the brain works…. Love, makes us fill in the blanks. Like when you read a sentence and the brain will put a missing word or correct spelling on a word which is misprinted, so we still understand the sentence even though that is not what it said,  we do the same in our relationships. We fill in the blanks of what’s missing or not quite right. We fix it to make it work for awhile. We create perfection or tolerance for those we “love” by sub consciously filling in the blanks, making excuses, living a lie, or lying to ourselves being in denial about what really is in that moment. Problem is then we get surprised when the whole thing falls apart and doesn’t work. We are not being truthful to ourselves, not seeing those missing words and it didn’t work, didn’t make sense, didn’t line up the right way! Well isn’t that a big surprise! Love always finds its way back to itself. True strength, requires the courage to look beyond the pain and the loss to the power of creation and manifestation. Overcoming those obstacles through love. Through love (Creator) all things are possible, surrendering control and attachments to outcomes. It is sad when love seemingly dies on any level, through your own actions or through circumstance and time. True love never dies, wanes perhaps, changes its depth or style, HOW we love can change but REAL love never dies. It is always my hope to find the gifts within each encounter in myself and to find the good in all those who’s paths I cross. I try to be a positive influence in the world around me always. To make a positive memory instead of a negative one. To not have regrets in my life, only to walk with integrity, to make lemonade when life hands me nothing but lemons, to have as kind a heart as I possibly can, to show my fellow man compassion and understanding and tolerance in the choices they make and try to recognize that I am worth loving, I have something to say, I have something to contribute to this world around me, I am perfect as I am now in all ways, I forgive myself for those things I cannot change, but do my best to learn from those mistakes and grow from them and to not make the same mistakes over and over again. The insanity lies there. I do not want to wallow in the dark caverns of sadness and hopelessness for years and years. As my friend Stanley says, “I would rather have a near life experience” Life includes ebbs and flows, and sometimes those tides can be extreme, but it is how we deal with it, honestly or in sketchy ways, which dictates our character. If you do not like what you see when you look there, then change it. Change yourself, how you look at things. Today, right now in this moment! You can begin by changing the words “can’t” and “trying” in your own vocabulary! Those are excuse words. You can do what you put your mind to if you want it bad enough. Trying is not doing! Put up or shut up as they say! Walk your talk or you are by definition a hypocrite. It only takes one step at a time. Baby steps, one step forward two steps back. We will always slide back to what is comfortable. What we know the outcome will be. It’s way harder to take those steps through the door of the unknown to what could be better or worse from our own perspectives. Release the fear. It could be BETTER! When a door closes a window opens, that which we lose or set free return if they are meant to be…usually better then before. The worst feeling in the world is “What if?” The not knowing because we didn’t try because we were afraid to know the answer when we had the chance to know it for sure. At least when we take a chance and we fail we are living. Truly there is no failure, just what works best for us. We are no one to judge what works and doesn’t for another person. That is a form of control, judgment. Surrender, Release, Forgive, Accept, Love. Live to never regret. Follow your heart, for love is all there is. The rest is a waste of time and a foundation of more regret. Do what you love, be who YOU are, not someones version of you. Find the courage to stand up for what you believe is best for you! Stick by it. Know what you want, and do not act from fear, entrapment, manipulation, depression, hopelessness. Coming from a place of emotion instead of knowing can only bring lower vibrational lessons with them. Some of the most painful kind. Try to see the good in people even those who have done atrocious things to you, you will cut down your suffering and sadness. Turn that frown upside down and laugh. Find something to make yourself laugh. Laughter is the best medicine for a broken or wounded heart. It reminds you that you are still alive. As long as you are, all moments pass to memory and as extreme as they are the next moment could hold the difference. My friend always says to me, “Do not give up five minutes before the miracle!” hold on until the next moment comes. Look to the past and learn from it so you can know the future and what to do with it. See how you want it to change and begin with your own thinking. Be the pebble in the pond and start a ripple of love to change negative vibrations around your environment, this will spill over like the ripples in the pond.
Do not throw pearls before swine. Do not give your love to those who do not return it, cherish it and respect it. For to stay in imbalanced states can only lead to one end, a return to balance by any means necessary. That can be destructive and painful if we resist. I personally prefer to ride the waves not get totally crushed by them. Like waves, they can catch us off guard, have rip tides and under currents which pull us down and we lose our breath for a brief moment, but we swim and pull ourselves up to breath again and see the sunshine on the water and see the beauty of all that is around. The ocean like love can be nurturing or destructive depending on the influences around it. Never mess with Mother Nature! She’s got a mighty sword herself!
Life is good. Love is life. Do not throw it away when you have it. Honor it. Cherish it. For tomorrow it may not be the same.
Blessings everyone! Make it a great day! Love and Light, Kimberly.

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Greetings and salutations! One and All! Happy Monday to you! Today I want to jump right into our topic.  Grief and the grieving process….it’s one of those very personal subjects that not too many people want to talk about, let alone, talk about publicly.  I sit here today at my computer pondering this issue of grief. So many people suffer, so many people hurt and crying out from their most core being for the pain to go away.  I had someone recently in one of the chat rooms I was in, tell me he buried 9 children that day.  He was in Chernoble working with the people who have been left to suffer the results of one of man’s many inhumanity to man events. He asked me accusingly, “Do YOU pray for the children here! You AMERICAN! You do not remember us here, you will not donate your time or money to help us!”  I replied back to him, “Yes I do pray for you there and in any place where the people suffer daily. Where life is not valued as much as war toys or greed. I pray for those in Thailand, in Africa, in Kenya and India, I cry for all those who cry and suffer. For the mother’s of the sons lost in wars that were not theirs, children whose parents are not there for them, for the homeless in the streets of the world who do not know where they will lay their heads or get their next meals, who dig in trash just to survive!…. Do YOU sir pray and help them too?!”  He was quiet after that. Asked me to burn a yellow candle in their honor. Which I did.

There are many types of death in this life.  All just as real, just as painful to the people who experience it as the real thing.  I have a different perspective on death. I see death as graduation day.  We die to resurrect and become something great once again. I do not see death as a sorrowful thing any longer. I rejoice and laugh and remember the good times not the bad ones or the regrets of things not done or said. I thank them for giving me all that they shared in our walk and time together.

I have often to said to those close to me, “Stay in the moment of now, it is a gift, this is why they call it the present, and we may not get a tomorrow.”  So often times we get lost in the chaos of life that we forget to tell those who are near and dear to us how much we care and appreciate them. The small things they do that go un-noticed.  The little things that make that person dear to us, we take for granted all too often.  Time is a precious thing, and this is the only place in existence that has it. Yes it is an illusion, but it is too as real as we make it to be. As with all things in duality, we can make things work to our advantage or disadvantage simply by how we act and think. Attitude of gratitude is latitude.

As the good book says, ” … as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” The man says WALK THROUGH IT!  not sit and wallow in it and lay down and let it consume you for the next however many years! Didn’t say stop and have a picnic and stay awhile! YES! life is hard at times, YES! it is not always about fair. BUT, it is ALWAYS an adventure! It is ALWAYS beautiful. Even in the darkest of moments, there is a shimmer of light which guides us back to center. It is in these moments when we feel like we are at the bottom of a hole or looking into the endless abyss of a wishing well, it is in these moments where our true character lies. What we are truly made of. The type of person we really are.  How boring life would be if we did not have each other to share in the moments of great joy and great sorrow. How blessed are we to have the chance to love and be without all that we need! For if we had EVERYTHING all the time and it was perfect, we would never grow. We would never experience ourselves and life and FEEL it. It would be boring if we were all the same. That being said, as different as we all are, we all have our own beliefs and ideas about death and the life after death.  No matter what your path or belief is, the processes of grieving are a necessary learning experience here on the planet Earth.

Grief, whether it is over a lost relationship, a job, the passing of a friend or family member and this includes pets. Sometimes, it can be the loss of innocence or the loss of a belief or a part of ourselves which is no longer working for us so we are stripped of all that is around us. And of course it is never just one thing, it is usually several major things all at the same time, from all directions when these losses occur. The least convenient moments the least perfect timing or so it may seem in the moment. The truth is all is perfect in all ways all the time. There are no accidents or coincidences all is in perfect harmony even through the discord. As my friend always says to me, “There are many ways to die”.  This is so true! We can shut down, shut ourselves off from those we love most, including Creator. That is one way to die. To have an old belief system or view of ourselves that can die too and be just as difficult.  The loss of a pet who has walked with you a long while in your journey, this too can feel like the world should stop revolving because such a beautiful being was removed from your life! In the very earliest moments, we suffer a period of shock. In this shock, we can be in denial as well, un accepting of the situation at hand. Completely stunned by events or words/actions of other people. We then move into a period of total sorrow, sorrow for the loss, regret for getting involved with that person or regret of things that were not said or done in a timely manner.  Then into a period of anger and victimhood, we play the blame game, the self righteous anger that drives men to war.  Then we go through guilt, guilt that we do not miss them enough, guilt at our parts in their lives.  Then we go through a numb period when we feel nothing at all, and cannot eat or sleep for if we even breath we might break. Then we come to acceptance, when we can finally begin to wrap our brain around it and know that it will not change or come back to the same point where it broke. Then we come to a place of forgiveness for them , the universe and ourselves. Then we begin to heal ourselves. Picking up the remains of what used to be our hearts, our lives, our beliefs, ourselves… and we rebuild it into a better thing ideally.  The Phoenix that rises from the ashes and we re invent ourselves, we are reborn again, a new person, a fresh perspective, a new clarity and understanding about what we just experienced.

In the moments of anger and despair, it is difficult to think of the good things in life. But in fact it is in these very moments when we should most give thanks. It helps to put into perspective the waves of deep sorrow which roll through our being as “this too shall pass” rather then I do not want to be here anymore if this is what it is about. We have all entertained those thoughts. We in some cases have lived through another who could not hold on another moment.  They stopped believing in themselves and loving themselves enough to take the escape clause. A parent who loses a child.  And you cannot say there is no greater pain, because the moment you do there will be something to prove you wrong.  Everyone’s personal pain is the worst to them. We cannot say how long it should take to go through the processes we do to resolve it within our own beings. Everyone is different. Some need time alone, to hide in their cave until the pain stops being unbearable, others need to be busy and social to help them move through the being alone parts. They do not focus on it but process it by doing this. Yet others see it as I do a time to celebrate and honor the person’s life and accomplishments. To honor how they touched people’s lives in a positive way. If their life was not something to write about then pray that they heal and come again in a better light and understanding for the next adventure story they create for themselves. The movie ” What Dreams May Come” with Robin Williams, is a great movie to tackle this idea of the after life. Really our pain and suffering is a result of fear. Fear of death , our own mortality, fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of success, whatever type you claim it as , it is all still fear. LOVE, love never dies. It is there always within our beings and hearts, we are love! And if we are truly coming from a place of love for that other being, then we honor it’s contribution to the circle of life. Love is all that is real. It is all there is. It is all that we take with us because it is us when we ditch these physical bodies.

You ask anyone who has had a near death experience, they will tell you, it is peace and it is love. I have been there. I cannot wait to get back to that. I know I will find my way HOME, where my heart is because I am already there. I do not expect everyone to get that, but a few of you will. I truly believe that it is a better place, and I KNOW that there is no sorrow there, no pain, no discord, nothing of the sort. Not even really memories, only the LOVE. So all the petty stuff, the he said , she said, or who is right or wrong, that is just a waste of energy. How can I make this person’s life better, how can I make a difference, how can I honor that life and give back the love they gave me or the help in my life. Pay it forward as they say. When life gives ya lemons, by golly make you some lemonade! Turn it around! Make it something great, something sweet and more palatable,  something to celebrate. Yes we will miss them but we know there truly is no loss. They are with us in death more then life in most cases. To the point of annoying for some! Ha! This is not to put down or belittle someones personal grief or their process. Some people prefer to laugh rather then cry. I prefer to celebrate life rather then mourn it. I still process, but in a more positive way then I used to.

This article is not about how to fix you. Only you can do that for yourself. I can tell you for myself, keeping busy and making the best out of bad situations is how I have managed to stay sane through some of the most insane moments a person would ever want to endure. People ask me, how do you keep a smile on your face with all that has happened.  I just look at things from Creator’s eyes. I keep in mind the object of this life, and the reasons we are here, why certain beings come into our lives and I thank them for playing that role in my life, good or bad. For in reality they are me too, there is no good or bad, right or wrong on the other side. Only that which IS. Love.

Give yourself permission, to process and take the time you need whatever amount that is.  Try to do things to love yourself and remember the blessings you have in your life, really count them in the throws of despair. It helps. Take the baby steps to pick up the pieces again. Rebuild your life, YOU. The beauty of being a co creator is we can do this.

I’m sure there are a million articles out there on the net about this topic, the how to make it all better type of advice, but really, there is no way to make it better, only to walk through the process one step at a time in your way in your time. I can tell you, I pray for you! All of you! Every being great or small upon this planet and beyond. For the planet herself, for she too is dying a slow and torturous death, but she too will be reborn. As I have said many times before, we are the ocean, we are the waves. Individual we peak and crest and break and return back to being the ocean, to be recreated as another wave in another time and place, but we are still the healing waters, the liquid crystal that gives forth life and takes it back again. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Remember to celebrate each moment, make it memorable make it full of love even in the heated moments. We do not always have to like what we get, but we can definitely compromise and come to a place of peace with it. It’s all in your choice. How do you choose to see it? As you change your thinking, you change your mind, you change your life.

I will revisit this topic more later on… for now this is all …. peace and blessings, big hugs to all those who read this, who are in that moment of darkness and despair and fear, you are never alone. Never. Even though it feels like it at times. Do not give up. Nothing is stagnant, all things change, including our moods. So hold on for just awhile longer. Look for the good in it. Try to see the bigger picture from a selfless place. If you can do this , then you are well on your way to walking through to greener pastures and cool waters. Let your mind and heart be at peace in that place of greeness and peace.

Love n Light,

Kimberly

Dedicated to Zena, may you rest in peace girl! Thank you for bringing so much love to this place! Hugs JJ. I love ya!

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