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Posts Tagged ‘grief’

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Greetings and salutations! One and All! Happy Monday to you! Today I want to jump right into our topic.  Grief and the grieving process….it’s one of those very personal subjects that not too many people want to talk about, let alone, talk about publicly.  I sit here today at my computer pondering this issue of grief. So many people suffer, so many people hurt and crying out from their most core being for the pain to go away.  I had someone recently in one of the chat rooms I was in, tell me he buried 9 children that day.  He was in Chernoble working with the people who have been left to suffer the results of one of man’s many inhumanity to man events. He asked me accusingly, “Do YOU pray for the children here! You AMERICAN! You do not remember us here, you will not donate your time or money to help us!”  I replied back to him, “Yes I do pray for you there and in any place where the people suffer daily. Where life is not valued as much as war toys or greed. I pray for those in Thailand, in Africa, in Kenya and India, I cry for all those who cry and suffer. For the mother’s of the sons lost in wars that were not theirs, children whose parents are not there for them, for the homeless in the streets of the world who do not know where they will lay their heads or get their next meals, who dig in trash just to survive!…. Do YOU sir pray and help them too?!”  He was quiet after that. Asked me to burn a yellow candle in their honor. Which I did.

There are many types of death in this life.  All just as real, just as painful to the people who experience it as the real thing.  I have a different perspective on death. I see death as graduation day.  We die to resurrect and become something great once again. I do not see death as a sorrowful thing any longer. I rejoice and laugh and remember the good times not the bad ones or the regrets of things not done or said. I thank them for giving me all that they shared in our walk and time together.

I have often to said to those close to me, “Stay in the moment of now, it is a gift, this is why they call it the present, and we may not get a tomorrow.”  So often times we get lost in the chaos of life that we forget to tell those who are near and dear to us how much we care and appreciate them. The small things they do that go un-noticed.  The little things that make that person dear to us, we take for granted all too often.  Time is a precious thing, and this is the only place in existence that has it. Yes it is an illusion, but it is too as real as we make it to be. As with all things in duality, we can make things work to our advantage or disadvantage simply by how we act and think. Attitude of gratitude is latitude.

As the good book says, ” … as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” The man says WALK THROUGH IT!  not sit and wallow in it and lay down and let it consume you for the next however many years! Didn’t say stop and have a picnic and stay awhile! YES! life is hard at times, YES! it is not always about fair. BUT, it is ALWAYS an adventure! It is ALWAYS beautiful. Even in the darkest of moments, there is a shimmer of light which guides us back to center. It is in these moments when we feel like we are at the bottom of a hole or looking into the endless abyss of a wishing well, it is in these moments where our true character lies. What we are truly made of. The type of person we really are.  How boring life would be if we did not have each other to share in the moments of great joy and great sorrow. How blessed are we to have the chance to love and be without all that we need! For if we had EVERYTHING all the time and it was perfect, we would never grow. We would never experience ourselves and life and FEEL it. It would be boring if we were all the same. That being said, as different as we all are, we all have our own beliefs and ideas about death and the life after death.  No matter what your path or belief is, the processes of grieving are a necessary learning experience here on the planet Earth.

Grief, whether it is over a lost relationship, a job, the passing of a friend or family member and this includes pets. Sometimes, it can be the loss of innocence or the loss of a belief or a part of ourselves which is no longer working for us so we are stripped of all that is around us. And of course it is never just one thing, it is usually several major things all at the same time, from all directions when these losses occur. The least convenient moments the least perfect timing or so it may seem in the moment. The truth is all is perfect in all ways all the time. There are no accidents or coincidences all is in perfect harmony even through the discord. As my friend always says to me, “There are many ways to die”.  This is so true! We can shut down, shut ourselves off from those we love most, including Creator. That is one way to die. To have an old belief system or view of ourselves that can die too and be just as difficult.  The loss of a pet who has walked with you a long while in your journey, this too can feel like the world should stop revolving because such a beautiful being was removed from your life! In the very earliest moments, we suffer a period of shock. In this shock, we can be in denial as well, un accepting of the situation at hand. Completely stunned by events or words/actions of other people. We then move into a period of total sorrow, sorrow for the loss, regret for getting involved with that person or regret of things that were not said or done in a timely manner.  Then into a period of anger and victimhood, we play the blame game, the self righteous anger that drives men to war.  Then we go through guilt, guilt that we do not miss them enough, guilt at our parts in their lives.  Then we go through a numb period when we feel nothing at all, and cannot eat or sleep for if we even breath we might break. Then we come to acceptance, when we can finally begin to wrap our brain around it and know that it will not change or come back to the same point where it broke. Then we come to a place of forgiveness for them , the universe and ourselves. Then we begin to heal ourselves. Picking up the remains of what used to be our hearts, our lives, our beliefs, ourselves… and we rebuild it into a better thing ideally.  The Phoenix that rises from the ashes and we re invent ourselves, we are reborn again, a new person, a fresh perspective, a new clarity and understanding about what we just experienced.

In the moments of anger and despair, it is difficult to think of the good things in life. But in fact it is in these very moments when we should most give thanks. It helps to put into perspective the waves of deep sorrow which roll through our being as “this too shall pass” rather then I do not want to be here anymore if this is what it is about. We have all entertained those thoughts. We in some cases have lived through another who could not hold on another moment.  They stopped believing in themselves and loving themselves enough to take the escape clause. A parent who loses a child.  And you cannot say there is no greater pain, because the moment you do there will be something to prove you wrong.  Everyone’s personal pain is the worst to them. We cannot say how long it should take to go through the processes we do to resolve it within our own beings. Everyone is different. Some need time alone, to hide in their cave until the pain stops being unbearable, others need to be busy and social to help them move through the being alone parts. They do not focus on it but process it by doing this. Yet others see it as I do a time to celebrate and honor the person’s life and accomplishments. To honor how they touched people’s lives in a positive way. If their life was not something to write about then pray that they heal and come again in a better light and understanding for the next adventure story they create for themselves. The movie ” What Dreams May Come” with Robin Williams, is a great movie to tackle this idea of the after life. Really our pain and suffering is a result of fear. Fear of death , our own mortality, fear of being alone, fear of failure, fear of success, whatever type you claim it as , it is all still fear. LOVE, love never dies. It is there always within our beings and hearts, we are love! And if we are truly coming from a place of love for that other being, then we honor it’s contribution to the circle of life. Love is all that is real. It is all there is. It is all that we take with us because it is us when we ditch these physical bodies.

You ask anyone who has had a near death experience, they will tell you, it is peace and it is love. I have been there. I cannot wait to get back to that. I know I will find my way HOME, where my heart is because I am already there. I do not expect everyone to get that, but a few of you will. I truly believe that it is a better place, and I KNOW that there is no sorrow there, no pain, no discord, nothing of the sort. Not even really memories, only the LOVE. So all the petty stuff, the he said , she said, or who is right or wrong, that is just a waste of energy. How can I make this person’s life better, how can I make a difference, how can I honor that life and give back the love they gave me or the help in my life. Pay it forward as they say. When life gives ya lemons, by golly make you some lemonade! Turn it around! Make it something great, something sweet and more palatable,  something to celebrate. Yes we will miss them but we know there truly is no loss. They are with us in death more then life in most cases. To the point of annoying for some! Ha! This is not to put down or belittle someones personal grief or their process. Some people prefer to laugh rather then cry. I prefer to celebrate life rather then mourn it. I still process, but in a more positive way then I used to.

This article is not about how to fix you. Only you can do that for yourself. I can tell you for myself, keeping busy and making the best out of bad situations is how I have managed to stay sane through some of the most insane moments a person would ever want to endure. People ask me, how do you keep a smile on your face with all that has happened.  I just look at things from Creator’s eyes. I keep in mind the object of this life, and the reasons we are here, why certain beings come into our lives and I thank them for playing that role in my life, good or bad. For in reality they are me too, there is no good or bad, right or wrong on the other side. Only that which IS. Love.

Give yourself permission, to process and take the time you need whatever amount that is.  Try to do things to love yourself and remember the blessings you have in your life, really count them in the throws of despair. It helps. Take the baby steps to pick up the pieces again. Rebuild your life, YOU. The beauty of being a co creator is we can do this.

I’m sure there are a million articles out there on the net about this topic, the how to make it all better type of advice, but really, there is no way to make it better, only to walk through the process one step at a time in your way in your time. I can tell you, I pray for you! All of you! Every being great or small upon this planet and beyond. For the planet herself, for she too is dying a slow and torturous death, but she too will be reborn. As I have said many times before, we are the ocean, we are the waves. Individual we peak and crest and break and return back to being the ocean, to be recreated as another wave in another time and place, but we are still the healing waters, the liquid crystal that gives forth life and takes it back again. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Remember to celebrate each moment, make it memorable make it full of love even in the heated moments. We do not always have to like what we get, but we can definitely compromise and come to a place of peace with it. It’s all in your choice. How do you choose to see it? As you change your thinking, you change your mind, you change your life.

I will revisit this topic more later on… for now this is all …. peace and blessings, big hugs to all those who read this, who are in that moment of darkness and despair and fear, you are never alone. Never. Even though it feels like it at times. Do not give up. Nothing is stagnant, all things change, including our moods. So hold on for just awhile longer. Look for the good in it. Try to see the bigger picture from a selfless place. If you can do this , then you are well on your way to walking through to greener pastures and cool waters. Let your mind and heart be at peace in that place of greeness and peace.

Love n Light,

Kimberly

Dedicated to Zena, may you rest in peace girl! Thank you for bringing so much love to this place! Hugs JJ. I love ya!

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