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          We are honored to have the amazing Nancy Brown Joining us to talk about her passion, her life, her mission. Full Moon Farm is an organization dedicated to the well being of the wolfdog (wolf hybrid). Situated on 17 beautiful mountain acres in Black Mountain, NC, we operate as a federally recognized 501(c)(3) not-for-profit organization for abused and refused wolfdogs who find themselves in need of love, shelter, and care through no fault of their own.

         Full Moon Farm provides a safe haven for animals that cannot be placed into homes for the rest of their lives. Their rescued wolfdogs come from animal control agencies, closed breeding situations and occasionally, an owner in crisis. They evaluate each animal upon intake and work with them at their level of comfort. Some animals are “hands off” and they respect their choice, as well as that of the animals that crave human interaction. Their goal is to enrich the lives of the residents, allowing them to reach their highest potential. Support by donation or sponsorship makes that task possible. Though they may be abused or neglected, homeless because of death or divorce, they are all God’s Creatures and worthy of a lifetime of respect. Don’t miss this amazing woman and the beautiful and awsome animals that she dedicates herself to rescue hear her inspiring story this Tuesday on http://www. BlogTalkRadio.com/Illuminationsoflight at 8pmPST, 9PMST
         Nancy recently appeared on the Lifetime Channel, On the Road with Austin and Santino – http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/on-the-road-with-austin-santino/video/full-episodes/season-1/episode-13-pawty-time. Also, wolfdogs were featured in an article on Zootoo – http://www.zootoo.com/zootootv/v/petpulse640wolfdogmyths2  Full Moon Farm is on Facebook – Please support the Cause – Full Moon Farm. We need you.  http://apps.facebook.com/causes/279502  Join our Group:  http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=25616163419  Full Moon Farm is on Youtube as well, but the video request must be entered as Full Moon Farm + wolf dogs, as there is another Full Moon Farm and it deals with horses.
        DON’T MISS THIS AMAZING WOMAN  and the beautiful and noble  animals that she dedicates herself to rescue. Hear her inspiring story this Tuesday November 23, 2010 on Illuminations Of Light Live! at 8 PM PST, 9PM MST on www.BlogTalkRadio.Com/Illuminationsoflight

 

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Greetings and Salutations! One and All! I hope it is a happy day when this blog finds you and that you have counted your blessings today. Today’s blog is a bit of an energy awareness really not so much as an alert as I am sure that most of you have begun to feel this energy. There is a wave of energy right now today, pulsing through and touching the emotional body in a major way for many folks. We are spurning doubts in all things and are we making good choices, based on choices of the past this is not such a good track record etc. Many are feeling a plethora of emotions all at the same moment. Remember to step back and look at the bigger picture. People are being called upon to face our greatest fears, our true core fears. Those fears are manifesting themselves in our lives left and right at almost lightening speed. For many there is no movie that Hollywood could ever right or produce that would come close to the events in their life. The show is surreal right now and the action is packed! And it’s on the edge of your seat, gasp and inhale, holding your breath to see what is going to happen next. As quickly as we deal with one, here comes another and then another and sometimes several at once like going through a martial arts “grinder” where the warrior faces multiple opponents at one time. It seems like it’s all a huge whirlwind and you don’t think you are going to land in Kansas for sure! But isn’t that what we came here for? That thrill? To experience ourselves at an accelerated rate, in order to understand ourselves and in doing so our creator too has a greater understanding of itself and so on and so on and so on. Because that which we call our “Creator” is as small a speck in it’s creator’s creation much as we are to it, and that expands thus infinitely. This is why when I give thanks or ask for something I may need, I ask the “Original” Divine Creative Source. This way we cut out all the brokers in between. So the point is that during this time when emotions are running high and we are feeling lost being up in the whirlwind, look down from that higher perspective as it works its work by rearranging the energies on the land and within your beings. See where you want to land, look at it from the distance to gain a new perspective. Look to the bigger picture.

If we all just stayed status quo all the time, it would be very dull and boring. We must take risks in our lives in order to feel that rush of newness and creation. Yes we may fail, but it’s in the failure we get closer to our success. How we see things, if we come from a ME or WE mentality. Recognizing and naming the fears is critical. Envision having them to dinner and asking them why they are there and allowing them their moment of say and then when they have all spoken love yourself with your creative source and escort them all home as they are no longer needed. Embrace the emotions but set a time limit for yourself how long you will allow yourself to “go there” be on the pity pot or venting fest. Then when that time has come to an end, look at the positives. There is always silver linings to all adverse situations. Even if it is seeing how we do NOT wish to behave. We can come from fear, get all uptight and worrisome or aggravated and irritable and be reactive and thoughtless or we can come from love, see a bigger picture look at the forest not just push your nose up to the tree. Step out of yourself and see all sides. See the energy exchanges. Is this about control? Is this about power? Is this about fear? Is this just me being a mirror? Am I just here to bare witness? What is my part in this? Where does my responsibility and accountability begin and end in this?

When we are walking through the whirlwinds it’s difficult to see sometimes for all the distractions or “debris” and sometimes that can feel pretty overwhelming. But if you stop and breath a moment and connect with that part of yourself which is connected to all things, and realize that this is simply a passing moment and see it passing like clouds in the sky see a solution as the problem dissipates, see abundance and prosperity being showered upon you from baskets that never stop flowing forth. Remember you are never alone, ask the angels to lift your fears, ask them to remove your doubts. Go forth knowing that you will not fail for failure is an illusion a perception, the winning is in the doing, the action. When we face our greatest fears, we usually see that the fear was way worse then the actual reality, just as often times the fantasy is better then the reality in other aspects of life. But the blessings are always greatest when we do! We have the ability to walk it, try it on for size and change it again if it doesn’t fit! We are co creators and do have some say in things.

So make the choice. Start to notice. What are these core issues. Why are these symptoms presenting themselves. Do not be afraid to take life by the horns and make it your own, claim it, you are stronger then your fears! Love is where it’s at! Believe in yourself, love yourself, BE yourself! and love it! You can change it at any moment! How you think about it..how you see it. I’m not telling you walking this part is easy, in fact is can be rather difficult if you are resistant to it.

It’s ok to be human and be afraid. Just do not let it paralyze you. Stop you from achieving the best you, that you can possibly be! Fear messes up a lot of things and makes people feel badly about themselves in the long run. It’s a crazy journey this thing called life, but it is a joy, it’s fun! It’s never boring and always full of new adventures. How do you want the pages of your life book to read? Panic? Sorrow? not natural feelings. See the solutions not the problems. Learn cooperation not competition. Learn we are one, humanity stands together not apart. United we stand , divided we fall.  More then just some pretty words on a piece of paper. Hatred, does nothing, no one any good. The time for that is ending. It starts with you…There is always hope, we are never alone! Put Spirit first and things will work out for the highest good of all. Gratitude for that which we have not that which we have lost or lack.

That is all for today! I have a show to prepare for! Whoot Peggy Black! Cannot wait!

Peace love and light One and All in Oneness of Heart xox Kimberly


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Greetings and Salutations One and All! We are so excited about this weeks guest! Nicole Lanning will join the angel to talk about her new book ” Practical Crystal Healing: 555 Tips and Techniques” and her school HealingArtForms.com and all the wonderful projects she is involved in currently.Tune in tomorrow 9pm MST on http://www.blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight an d visit our website http://www.illuminationsoflight.com for more information on our upcoming guests!

Here is a bit about Nicole!

About Nicole Lanning
Founder of Healing Art Forms Institute

Nicole Lanning is a natural born empath and psychic medium that has focused her
life on crystal, energy, and spiritual teachings. She is a household name in these
areas, aiming to change the world one random act of kindness at a time.
Nicole always knew she was different from other children growing up as an early
Indigo child and having a passion and love for crystals. She has transformed her
life, being raised in a very strict religious God-fearing background, into a
successful Spirit loving entrepreneur. She is the founder of Healing Art Forms
Institute and has dedicated her life to sharing her wisdom so that others may
grow and learn.

Her spirit guides had set her on an energetically enlightened pathway through
many different venues, such as being an Ordained Minister, Spiritual Life Coach,
Reiki Master Teacher, and a Certified Energy Healer.

Through her work now with crystal workshops, holistic teaching, spiritual healing, and over 60 of her own channeled energy forms, Nicole has been honored with accreditations
from the International Natural Healers Association and the World
Metaphysical Association.

Nicole is a dynamic speaker with an extraordinary story and a tremendous ability
to touch people’s hearts and souls. She is one to go above and beyond to help
explain what is going on at your very soul level, recognize and accept it for the
present here and now. She then works to help change your thinking and
incorporate energetic work to comfort the dis-ease your physical body is feeling at
an emotional level.

Using her connection with the spirit realm, her own intuition, and practical
wisdom Nicole’s workshops, seminars, and online home study programs have
reached clients from around the world to help learn, grown and change.

For more information on the Healing Art Forms Institute, please visit:
www.healingartforms.com

You can also find Nicole on Facebook, Twitter, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, YouTube, Ezine Articles!

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Greetings and Salutations One and All!!! Today is Earth Day. The day we celebrate our beloved Gaia! Here in Boulder they are coming out with all the stops! People wearing their rainbow gear and green hats planting trees and all kinds of celebrations all over town.

The energies out there are very polarized and people have been in weird head spaces all week. We are under the influences of Mercury Retro and it’s definitely having it’s affect.

I guess the most important thing or thought I would like to share with everyone today is to remember to come from a place of love and understanding. People are out of sorts and we need to remember tolorance. Hatred and gossiping is just so old energy! Help promote tolerance in your neighborhoods. We are the HUMAN RACE we come in many shapes sizes and religions. We all have the equal right to be on this planet and experience our lives. To push hatred is only hurting yourselves in the long run. So focus on how you can encourage support of all of humanity not just your own lil groups. How can we take action to unify our planet if everyone things their way is the only way?

I do hope that you make it a wonderful day! I planted some flowers and I am wearing my tie dies today!

Love Light n Blessings everyone@!


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Greetings and Salutations One and All!!! We are proud to present Mrs. Gail Faulkingham to the show on Tuesday April 20, 2010! 9pm MST on blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight.

Gail is a great lady who is a down to earth lady and a straight talker, speaks with Kimberly about her personal journey and how she over came her challenges in life and how she developed this amazing gift. Gail who is Extremely humble takes absolutely no credit for her work and gives all thanks and glory to her Creator. We will be discussing how she does what she does, how long she’s had this gift, what her words of wisdom will be for the upcoming generations who may have this amazing gift. Be sure to tune tonight Tuesday April 20th to hear this amazing ladies story!

Here is a bit more about Gail!

Gail Faulkingham Medium and Aura
Reader!

We are pleased and honored to welcome Ms. Gail Faulkingham to the show! She is a long time friend of the Illuminations of Light Group and is a regular in the Pride of Healing Group as well. She has appeared on several radio programs and does free readings in Paltalk on a regular basis.  A true inspiration, overcoming her deafness and walking her path with integrity and beauty is her way. She is always there t0 help people and is now running her own practice and is so funny and deliteful! Here is a bit more about Gail in her own words.

” I was born in September of 1955, second child to my parents. My father is Native American and my mom has some in her also but mostly English for her. I started noticing colors around animals and flowers when I was 5, I would ask my mom and Dad about it but until I was old enough to understand <12> they just gave me answers that where truth but easy for me to understand for the age at the time of the asking. People call me an Aura Reader and Medium……personally it has nothing to do with me at all I have to give all credit to Creator < my GOD> im blessed he picked me for this job, but I can take NO credit for it < the work> at all.  I have always had a very special connection to animals and plants hell I have 27 plants in the house and 2 trees LOL and ummmmmmmmmm 2 cats 2 ferrets ops 3 cats as of last night, 2 dogs, 2 birds and a 35 gal fish tank……………..hell I’m a Noah’s Ark here LOL when I first started out on my own with my readings it was always done as fun……………until I was 25 did I understand this is not FUN but a great blessing from God. I have noticed that when they witness me reading people they get uncomfortable because of what Spirit allows me to see, but I learned a LONG time ago to respect this information and do just as Spirit guides me NOTHING MORE, im not their judge just their helper. Working for God is very humbling but it is also very rewarding as long as you keep your thoughts straight and remember THIS IS NOT YOUR WORK BUT THE WORK OF YOUR GOD………never  forget that. well I find it uncomfortable talking about myself……….. I have been deaf since age 4 from internal illnesses. I only have 7 % now in the left ear so I read lips. I think this loss of one of my senses has given me a upper hand in doing my work for God, when you cant hear you don’t have so many distractions!”

As you can see she is a gentle spirit with a firey edge and just a terrific person! Be sure to tune in for Illuminations of Light LIVE! Tuesday, April 20, 2010 on blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight!

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Greetings and Salutations One and All! Today I would like to discuss mindfullness. “What is that?” I’m sure you are asking yourself. Well in my definition, it is being absolutely present within the moment. Most people might think that they are truly in the moment most of the time, but if you really pay attention a lot of the time we are not in the present moment. We are in the future, past, lost in thought. Most of us check in and out of the present most of the time.

Spirit has really been on me about this particular issue of late, and I am sure that I am not alone.  What it means to not just know it but to own it and walk it and intergrate it into your everyday life. I was recently faced with a situation as most of you know, where in I had to come to a place of radical acceptance of another person’s decision. A betrayal, and several losses within a very short period of time. I shared with all of you some of the processes that I used during this time period. One of the things that I have found is that it is not so easy to stay in the present when chaos is surrounding every aspect of your life.

So I am coming to you now, having been exposed to some great new information from Sue Piver, who wrote the book, “The Wisdom of a Broken Heart” and Dee Wallace, who wrote the book, ” Conscious Creation” and from several other great books that are out there right now on the topic of changing our thinking. For what we focus on we bring to ourselves and we are creators that have the ability to change what our reality looks like. How we see things and perceive things has everything to do with that. These two dynamic ladies have come up with some fantastic hands on ideas on how to overcome the challenging emotional states we all get to at some point in our lives.  I have been using their techniques within my own personal life and I will tell you I have been astonished at how well it has worked for me.

I have invited them both to be guests on the show, and hopefully they will graciously accept. I can only tell you that it would be a complete blessing to all of you if they did. Truly amazing beings! Amazing books! Amazing results!

I have recently been attending DBT technique training and it is so interesting that some of the very techniques they are teaching for psychology now have their same roots as these two books. Funny how the universe works, especially when a message is loud and clear. The techniques help you to cope with strong emotions and emotional responses. It helps to reprogram the old programming from your earlier years and all up to now. You become self empowered to see how these very simple and quick techniques can change your entire perspective about life and the people in it when you begin to do the homework!

I challenge you all to the next time you feel in a moment of emotional overload, find simply 20 things in the room around you. Take notice of them and what about them caught your awareness. What you are doing by doing this is taking yourself out of emotion and into your mental bodies. If you begin to note where in your body your are feeling the discomfort and address the fears at the core of the emotion you can allow these emotions to pass through you without stuffing them.

The idea is to become aware of wha tis actually happening around you when you get to these crisis moments in life. Stop and notice what is around you, what is going on. Most times there is nothing going on. Whether you are in your car or a room, there is not usually alot going on when we are having these momentary melt downs. You begin to become aware of right now. Usually the emotion is coming from a past memory or a thought of what could be but it is not right now. This moment. As you begin to do this, catch yourself when you are on the phone or talking to your kids, see how much time you are really being present in this moment, versus, being in thoughts like, “I have this, this and this to do ….” or “If only I could get this going I could>…..” these types of statements in your thoughts are not what is right now. The power is in the moment of right now. You can create and choose in this moment only. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Right now is where you are and where it’s at! You will find that if you stay in the now moment you are less likely to experience waves of emotions that are not real but more illusion.

Look at the fear that is causing the emotional outburst. I am afraid to be alone, I am afraid to die alone, I am afraid I will never find love again, I am not worthy, I am not deserving, I am not pretty enough or smart enough, whatever tape is playing in your head at the base of that fear reaction, then counter that thought with I am never alone, I will not die alone, I will find love again, I am worthy of all good things, I am deserving of love and happiness, I am beautiful and I love myself, I am smart and funny, I am love and I only accept that which is healthy and for my highest good in my life, life flows to me with ease and grace, my lessons come with ease and grace, i am creation, these types of statements can replace the old tapes. These affirmations help shift what is causing the pain. Our stinking thinking about stuff. This is not to say life is always wonderful, this is to say these are some ways on how to pick up the pieces when there’s a million of them to pick up. The nice thing about that is you can paint your own picture how you want the pieces to fit! It’s your paint and your canvas how do you want your picture to look, make it so. We cannot control others or what they do or say or think, if we are trying then we need to look at our own need to control and work with it.

Try this mindfullness awareness exercise for a week. Let us know what results you found out about yourself!

Love and light everyone!

Kimberly

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Audio blog disclaimer: I added addendum to the written blog wherein I state clearly that although I am in need of medical attention, I am still able to work fine and I look for work daily there are just too many without work right now and not enough jobs to go around. I have faith the right one will come. Thank you. Kimberly

Greetings and Salutations One and All.   Well it looks like new birth is the theme of the season! New buds on the trees where flowers are soon to bloom and our country passes a historic bill for complete healthcare reform! Amen!

For me this is a day to rejoice. I am one of the millions who will benefit from this new law! I have worked 25 of my 44 years paying my dues into the system. I am now in a situation where my health began to fail severely. I have needed to be hospitalized and needed surgery for over a year and closer to two years.  Because I lost my job and no health insurance would cover me for “pre-existing conditions” I could not get any carrier to cover my illnesses! I had exhausted all my savings and went into substantial debt already behind a brain injury series and now this! I collect unemployment and go in the hole to the tune of $100 a month just in basics and that includes no television for a year! We get food from the food banks to survive most months and they tell me that I make too much money for two people and I couldn’t qualify for medicaid in my state! Even though this is life threatening potentially what is wrong with me, they still will not cover the test because I need it, only if it’s a “check up” will they pay for it! Are you kidding me!? And all my doctors can tell me is we understand and we hope that the congress will pass the new law, we know you need care but our hands are tied! So, from my perspective AMEN! Maybe now, I can get the proper treatment for what ails me, what can be fixed will and it will happen before I drop dead like so many do without this health coverage. I’m sorry, I do not care what side of the fence you sit on, it is all our responsibility to pay for and help others who are in need to get what they need when they need it, every human being on the planet has the right to be healthy. Doctors, pharmaceutical companies, hospitals, need to stop being so greedy, get back to reusable instruments instead of disposable and save a land fill or two along the way of saving money too! Let’s get real about what the costs are for healthcare and get creative about how to stream line the whole thing, tighten up the loose ends and go single payee and payor and put in first tri mester abortions for those who do not ask for it or are in life threatening situations and abolish the 2nd tri mester abortions, the point of life begins with breath, when a living being can live outside the mother on its own without help is when life begins not before, it’s a beautiful set of cells that wont live otherwise…compromise and be the democracy we claim to be! Show the world WE CAN GET ALONG!

I saw some of the most amazing speeches yesterday on that floor on both sides of the issues. Some I just had to roll my eyes about. I do not think that most people have actually READ the law! If you read the thing, you will see that alot of the hype is just that! Fear mongering and hype! The changes are really to only benefit the people and keep the insurance companies back in line. They are totally out of control! We have been screwed for too many years with premium rates gone wild and denials of coverage over stupid things, someone has finally had the balls to stand up and all people can do is react to change with fear! READ THE LAW! Then you can talk about it intelligently, otherwise you are buying into heresay and gossip and not thinking for yourself!

I have read it, and I agree with most of it! There are a few changes I would make but nothing so drastic it would take months to tighten up! I worked with insurance companies for a living and I have lived through their insanity as a patient as well. People need to get educated before they get heated. We need to stop thinking in terms of ME and get into the mindset of WE the human race. Get out of greed and fear and control issues and move past yourselves and get creative if you do not like what is going on and you think you have a better solution then WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMEN AND LOCAL GOVERNMENT PEOPLE!  How many of you even know who your representatives are! Let alone the email address to write them! If you are mad then figure out why and what you are really mad about. Is the frustration really over this issue or the issues in our own lives and it’s easier to point fingers and play the blame game and the I’m better then you game which is childish and un healthy at best. If we would stand on the words of our forefathers….”united we stand, divided we fall” and we really have forgotten how to unite except under the most extreme circumstances of cataclysmic proportions as a people it’s really imbalanced and needs to come back to center. Start thinking in terms of humanity not colors or religions or borders that do not truly exist, it’s god’s land not ours. We are the keepers of it and we are mucking things up pretty much over power and greed which is perceived and forced upon the people. We are so young still in our thinking, we really need to grow up and take our place as terrestrial beings again. Wake up and remember that this is an illusion, we have the power to move mountains within our own minds and in reality if we work towards that together. Learn to love your neighbor again. Learn to help your fellow man. Everyone pulls their weight and offers what their true gifts are. We can learn to live in harmony but it will take a lot of honesty and selflessness on our parts to make that happen for real.

I love the spring time. Change is not always a bad thing. Keep an open mind and heart and allow things to unfold. Get educated as to what the fuss is all about and read the dang bill! Then make your opinion known to your representative and speak your mind. Write editorials and blogs and let the people know what you think and why. Do not be afraid to exercise your god given right to free speech in a civil and calm manner so as to not offend dignity. Passion is good, fanatical is not. Use the system the right way.

I for one was never so proud to be an American as I was last night glued with my teenage son to the computer listening to history being made. As glued as I was when we walked on the moon, Kent State, Twin Towers and so many more amazing leaps good and bad we Americans have made in our short history. We are great, humanity that is, we truly are amazing.At one point there was a man who got up for his one minute, he was the guy who helped champion this bill, ” It’s the patient’s bill of rights on steroids! ” Dinger is a character I tell you what! Another talk about veterans and mothers who have gone without coverage for so long and seniors who have to choose between food and medication, myself on that list of people making real choices like this each and every day. The real heros in this life are those people who have survived and thrived in spite of a failed system. Sometimes change is good, but growing pains still hurt. I hope that we can come to an agree to disagree type of state in this country. Something had to be done, this is a first step, let’s fine tune it and compromise like grown ups and remember to do what’s best for you and yours and the best FOR ALL concerned! What is for the highest good of ALL concerned?? Come from love not fear.

Make it a great day! Keep a smile in your heart and let it out for the whole world to see. Love, Peace, and blessings to everyone! xoxo Kimberly P.S. For those who would question, I am still able to work even though I am sick, I look for work every day I breath and most responses if any say I am over qualified. I say the right thing will come at the right time but I still do my part! Even to the extent I have looked into going back to finish my degree and I have been seeking consultation jobs on the side and nothing has manifested yet. So I hope that addresses those who are nay sayers on that point.

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Greetings and Salutations One and All! I do hope the weekend has been a beautiful one for all of you thus far. As for me, things here in Boulder, CO have been quite pleasant.  I was able to get some house cleaning or Spring Cleaning done to help usher in the new energies as we enter into a wave of love. We have another 3.3.3 gate which opens today and another yet coming up as well and Mars is going direct on the 22nd and so we should see some very positive and creative energy coming in a huge wave over the next couple of weeks. Yay! I love the springtime! I hope you did something wonderful to celebrate!~I myself purchased some tulips as an offering of Spring to Mother and celebrated with a feast and lots of thanks for all the love and harmony that is in my life!

This weeks show should be interesting! Lianna, Petite Lion, my lovely co hostess will be asking me questions she’s always wanted to know about me and I will be asking her questions regarding some of her experiences on her journey! We both have some very interesting experiences to share with all of you and we are looking forward to this show and will be doing mini readings as part of the call ins this week. So you will for sure want to tune in this week to blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight! We will discuss things like crowning and earth shifts and much much more! Don’t miss out!

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Greetings and Salutations! One and All! Please be sure to join us tonight for Mary Lou Acimovic who has written a book called Mild Traumatic Brain Injury: The Guidebook, and will be discussing the topic of brain injuries and how they affect our lives. Over 1 million people are affected by this condition each year. Tune in Tuesday 9pm MST blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight !!!

Mary Lou Acimovic has been a practicing speech pathologist for 32 years.  She obtained a Masters Degree in Speech Pathology and Audiology from the University of Colorado.  She is certified in biofeedback (Senior Fellow status) and neurofeedback by the Biofeedback Society of America.  For the past 24 years, she has specialized in the evaluation and treatment of mild traumatic brain injury  She served as the director of the Brain Injury Program at the Mapleton Center for Rehabilitation in Boulder, Colorado and participated in the development of one of the first comprehensive programs in the nation specifically for the treatment of mild traumatic brain injury.  Currently she is in private practice in Boulder.

Ms. Acimovic serves on the Governor’s Brain Injury Advisory Board and advocates for patients’ rights.  She has presented regionally and nationally and has published articles on topics related to mild traumatic brain injury.

Mary Lou is truly a lady who knows her stuff, and you will be shocked and enlightened when this show is done! There are so many people who are afflicted with the conditions we are going to discuss, especially our service men and women! You owe it to yourself to find out more about this condition and who it affects and how, what can be done about it, and how can we be supportive of those who are suffering from it! Be sure to tune this is a show you will NOT want to miss!

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Regrets, Questions, and Finding a Way Forward
By Nick Esten-E5 USNavy
I had one of those reflective days where I generally kept to myself and let my mind wander to places that I’ve struggled to forget. It’s pretty easy for me to get lost in my thoughts, because at any given time, my brain remembers, forgets, learns and processes all the little electric signals that produce these words on the screen…

I hear a lot of people claim they have no regrets and sometimes I know they’re lying or they haven’t reached that point yet, but everyone at some point will do or say something that will absolutely and irrevocably shift the course of the rest of their life.

“I wouldn’t be the person I am today if not for “insert excuse here””

Most people say this because it’s the accepted answer to the age old question “What do you regret?”

I think that answer’s a lie, because deep down, most people don’t really like themselves. They hide from themselves; they make excuses for themselves as to why this and why that, and they don’t really know what they are saying. They only know what is acceptable to say.

I know these people exist because I am one of those people. I could sit here and say that in my short 24 years in existence I haven’t done one thing that I regret, but everyone would know it to be flat out bulls**t. I’ve done unfair things to good people, and it cost me everything…the girl I loved, the future I had dreamed of…everything that makes a life colorful was taken because I chose poorly.

And I regret that it took me losing everything to learn one simple lesson; that another person had to suffer because I, for some reason, didn’t have the good sense or courage to stand up for what was right and what I believed in.

You know what I learned?

Integrity is everything. It’s the foundation on which my character is built, not some garment that I can take on and off at will. You give up your integrity, you don’t have anything after that, because everything you are is a pile of s**t.

A life is nothing more than a series of small events, strung together by the fabric of time and the happiest souls are not the ones who have the least worries; they’re the ones who remain flexible. Who, no matter what may come, use a stumbling block as a stepping stone. They’re the ones who move through life like water.

I want that. I had that. Once. I know I can have it again. I’m just lost. I have no real direction, no real goal, I’m just moving through these days without any sort of enthusiasm for much of anything except art. Stories. Poems. Music. Songs. Movies. Photography. These things that move the soul…

I let so many days go. So many days that could’ve been spent better, but I chose to waste them, and now that I can hear his footsteps a little clearer, those days now seem so much more precious. I only have one life, and I want to make it mean something. I want to leave this world a better place than the one I came into. And it’s hard because I see so much of the world going wrong, and I, having so very little control over my own world, don’t know what to do.

I go to work and I come back and I watch the cars go by on the freeway below. Or the ships that sit in port out in the harbor. I wonder why I can’t be more like the wind? To roll freely like I once did.

As you can tell, I spend a lot of time falling back into the past. It’s gone. The very best days of my life are gone and that’s a pretty sad thought…but the beautiful thing about it is that I have no idea what’s yet to come. So my best days may yet be ahead of me. Maybe not, but there is still air in my lungs and if God permits my soul to return each day, then I will find the meaning in my life once again.

In and of itself, life is too big a mystery to figure out in one lifetime. But then again, maybe I’ll get lucky and become one of those happy sages found in some hidden stretch of mountains. Maybe I’ll be old and bald with a bunch of grandchildren and a wife I adore…who knows. I don’t let myself think of such things because deep down, I don’t believe in them. But just because I don’t believe, doesn’t mean it can’t happen…because there are a lot of people who believe in me…and for me.

And I try so desperately not to disappoint.

What more can be said? What would I do for one more day? What would have happened if I had been the one to die that day instead of her? What would she have become? Would she be married? Would she have kids? What would she look like? Her face is just a blur to me now…

I won’t ever be able to answer those questions…survivor’s guilt is something that stays with you all the days of your life. When someone gives their life for yours, what do you do when your life has become such a disappointment?

I wish I knew the answer.

All I know for sure is that somewhere out in the unknown mists of time, there’s an end waiting for me. A lake to which this life of mine flows. And when I get there, I will have a smile on my face because I will know that I was loved, and that I made a difference in someone’s life. That is my motivation. Not to waste a sacrifice. I will find my way through the fog and dark and cold and whatever kind of misery this life can hurl at me. And I will be the light in the dark for people as I have been…for what is to give light, must endure burning.

From this day forward, I live my life for the people who make it worth living. The friends that make me smile, the love that makes me glow, and the series of small events that will make this life of mine a damn good read someday. When I’m gone…I want people to remember one thing and one thing only.

Love.

Because that is what I remember.

“What tomorrow brings, we cannot know”

From the mouths of babes….
This is my son. My first born. It’s nice to know when some of your own teachings begin to shine through. Especially yesterday when this was written, regrets, the things we do that we wish we could change. We are not our story. We can change right now. This moment as you are reading this blog. Life is too short to waste on things that are not real, not tangible, not worthy of our love and energy. If people do not want to drink after they have been given the trough full of water and instructions on how to drink, then there is nothing to be done. Walk away. Pray for them. Live YOUR life to the fullest in truth to yourself most of all. It’s those lies we will not admit to ourselves where our sickness lies. Those are the tapes so deep that you hear them in your sleep. The ones that creep out when you least expect them. The ones that cause us to self sabotage. The ones that make you forget that love is a two way street it takes cooperation on both sides to make it work. The ones that make us feel “less than” or “not enough” or “not worthy” or “bad” because we fail to live up to another’s expectations or our own.

I was faced recently with do I want LOVE or do I want a PARTNER … the man I love, still to this day, is in no way shape or form partner material for me at this time. He is unavailable on several levels, most of all emotional. Too afraid to explore changes outside his comfort levels inside and out. A lion in business, the cowardly lion inside, searching for his courage that was always there if he believed in himself enough to not care what others thought. A true warrior knows that love is his strength not a dark spot in his life. A partner works as a team, thinks as a team, lets nothing stand in the way of the goal of the team and never leaves a man or woman behind. One too can have a partner without love. Is that better? To live a life content but not fulfilling without love in it. Because it’s always been that way, because to go outside the “story” people have of you,  may make them or yourself look bad? Why would you care what the other person thinks really? Who are you trying to impress? Would it occur to that person that perhaps misery loves company? Would it occur to that person that to dictate, “you are the one we all look up to, you are the perfect example of what life should look like” just because you do things OUR WAY or a certain way, is a form of manipulation for control over your thinking and not about duty or respect? If passive aggressive behavior is the price you pay if you do not conform to the “idea” , “the plan”, “the way it should be”, all because you did what made you happy? That we are to surpass our parents thinking so as to evolve as a species? To be real with our kids and prepare them for the real world not some fantasy “Keeping up with the Jones” or sheltering them from the pains that real life bring and being the example of how to get around that and still be true to yourself?? To exist without love is not life. You are not living in my opinion if that is the case. Existence and survival are not living!  I decided that I wanted LOVE AND A PARTNER IN ONE! When I drew that boundry, I was met with anger, rejection, cruelty, everything that was not love. I knew this person had been lying to themselves and when I made that person look at it, they reacted with chaos and coldness and chose to walk away. To walk away from love, for convenience and the comfort of what is known, to be nothing more then a provider and a gopher,  a cog in a dilapidated wheel, which as all things mechanical wear out,  to be a shell of the person they could be, even though that life is toxic to their soul? They see a duty misplaced, loyalty not earned,  a truth…perceived… that is not truth to most people’s perceptions, but to them  it is.(Hitler thought he was RIGHT! Doing what GOD AND EVERYONE EXPECTED HIM TO DO AS THE “MAN” THE “LEADER” Yet, no one else saw it that way….. did that make it right to them or the people who suffered at all costs to keep his “vision” of what was right?  They had love in the palm of their hands, lying in their arms, two hearts beating as one and peace in the closeness, the truth of love, lights appearing with each and every kiss and comfort in their soul…..except when it came time to follow through on promises and dreams created, to put action and commitment to the vision,  to pay the piper, to walk the talk, to pay the debts one creates through words and actions. Then that person became angry, saw things as an attack, as an ultimatum, as fear. Pushing it away. Stomping on it. Belittling it. Not allowing it to exist within their own mind. What we resist will persist. And sometimes it’s too late.  All because they were too weak to say enough is enough. I choose love and happiness. Truth is subjective, if the truth is a perspective. What IS just IS. This person will assuredly regret his choice when they realize, they are totally alone. When the people they trusted to have the answers, when they didn’t want to look for themselves, prove to be wrong for them even though it worked for this person who gave this advice, or the people who they try to keep happy all the time being the golden child in their eyes die or get sick and do not remember those answers and are no longer there to give them that ego affirmation, when the duty and loyalty back fires in their face with betrayal, when the world they so desperately hold onto, fought for, to save it’s existence, the dream of what they wanted so desperately in the beginning when they truly settled for less then what they originally wanted,  exists no more because it was all just illusion, when their greatest fears come to pass and they lose the respect of those who matter most because they refused to take a chance and grow. When they too can gain the insight that my children and I have gained. Love is all there is … to live your life for the sake of how it looks or for someone else’s well being, is a lie to yourself. To lie to yourself is a sad sickness that can be changed at any moment, it’s never too late. Walk your talk and act with love and integrity, accept that life is not perfect and to deal with it the best you can as long as you have love around you. Interesting to think how the brain works…. Love, makes us fill in the blanks. Like when you read a sentence and the brain will put a missing word or correct spelling on a word which is misprinted, so we still understand the sentence even though that is not what it said,  we do the same in our relationships. We fill in the blanks of what’s missing or not quite right. We fix it to make it work for awhile. We create perfection or tolerance for those we “love” by sub consciously filling in the blanks, making excuses, living a lie, or lying to ourselves being in denial about what really is in that moment. Problem is then we get surprised when the whole thing falls apart and doesn’t work. We are not being truthful to ourselves, not seeing those missing words and it didn’t work, didn’t make sense, didn’t line up the right way! Well isn’t that a big surprise! Love always finds its way back to itself. True strength, requires the courage to look beyond the pain and the loss to the power of creation and manifestation. Overcoming those obstacles through love. Through love (Creator) all things are possible, surrendering control and attachments to outcomes. It is sad when love seemingly dies on any level, through your own actions or through circumstance and time. True love never dies, wanes perhaps, changes its depth or style, HOW we love can change but REAL love never dies. It is always my hope to find the gifts within each encounter in myself and to find the good in all those who’s paths I cross. I try to be a positive influence in the world around me always. To make a positive memory instead of a negative one. To not have regrets in my life, only to walk with integrity, to make lemonade when life hands me nothing but lemons, to have as kind a heart as I possibly can, to show my fellow man compassion and understanding and tolerance in the choices they make and try to recognize that I am worth loving, I have something to say, I have something to contribute to this world around me, I am perfect as I am now in all ways, I forgive myself for those things I cannot change, but do my best to learn from those mistakes and grow from them and to not make the same mistakes over and over again. The insanity lies there. I do not want to wallow in the dark caverns of sadness and hopelessness for years and years. As my friend Stanley says, “I would rather have a near life experience” Life includes ebbs and flows, and sometimes those tides can be extreme, but it is how we deal with it, honestly or in sketchy ways, which dictates our character. If you do not like what you see when you look there, then change it. Change yourself, how you look at things. Today, right now in this moment! You can begin by changing the words “can’t” and “trying” in your own vocabulary! Those are excuse words. You can do what you put your mind to if you want it bad enough. Trying is not doing! Put up or shut up as they say! Walk your talk or you are by definition a hypocrite. It only takes one step at a time. Baby steps, one step forward two steps back. We will always slide back to what is comfortable. What we know the outcome will be. It’s way harder to take those steps through the door of the unknown to what could be better or worse from our own perspectives. Release the fear. It could be BETTER! When a door closes a window opens, that which we lose or set free return if they are meant to be…usually better then before. The worst feeling in the world is “What if?” The not knowing because we didn’t try because we were afraid to know the answer when we had the chance to know it for sure. At least when we take a chance and we fail we are living. Truly there is no failure, just what works best for us. We are no one to judge what works and doesn’t for another person. That is a form of control, judgment. Surrender, Release, Forgive, Accept, Love. Live to never regret. Follow your heart, for love is all there is. The rest is a waste of time and a foundation of more regret. Do what you love, be who YOU are, not someones version of you. Find the courage to stand up for what you believe is best for you! Stick by it. Know what you want, and do not act from fear, entrapment, manipulation, depression, hopelessness. Coming from a place of emotion instead of knowing can only bring lower vibrational lessons with them. Some of the most painful kind. Try to see the good in people even those who have done atrocious things to you, you will cut down your suffering and sadness. Turn that frown upside down and laugh. Find something to make yourself laugh. Laughter is the best medicine for a broken or wounded heart. It reminds you that you are still alive. As long as you are, all moments pass to memory and as extreme as they are the next moment could hold the difference. My friend always says to me, “Do not give up five minutes before the miracle!” hold on until the next moment comes. Look to the past and learn from it so you can know the future and what to do with it. See how you want it to change and begin with your own thinking. Be the pebble in the pond and start a ripple of love to change negative vibrations around your environment, this will spill over like the ripples in the pond.
Do not throw pearls before swine. Do not give your love to those who do not return it, cherish it and respect it. For to stay in imbalanced states can only lead to one end, a return to balance by any means necessary. That can be destructive and painful if we resist. I personally prefer to ride the waves not get totally crushed by them. Like waves, they can catch us off guard, have rip tides and under currents which pull us down and we lose our breath for a brief moment, but we swim and pull ourselves up to breath again and see the sunshine on the water and see the beauty of all that is around. The ocean like love can be nurturing or destructive depending on the influences around it. Never mess with Mother Nature! She’s got a mighty sword herself!
Life is good. Love is life. Do not throw it away when you have it. Honor it. Cherish it. For tomorrow it may not be the same.
Blessings everyone! Make it a great day! Love and Light, Kimberly.

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