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Greetings and Salutations One and All! Today I would like to discuss the importance of positive thinking.  I would like to begin with positive thinking doesn’t mean a 24 hour a day thing, that would make you extreme and robotic and not human at all. The truth of it is, we are humanoids that experience emotions and encounters which trigger emotional responses so that we are given the opportunities to grow individually and as a group.  All things are energy. Nothing more or less. These energies are based in frequencies and when plucked can cause quite a reverberation for all universes to hear. This being said, energy of thought is like plucking that string or set of strings to make a harmonic sound or a chord if you will. Thus is the song of manifestation in the three D world.  When you send out a thought it goes out to the universe good or bad and it will respond to give you what you ask for. This ability is coming much faster then ever before. Understand that it is the thinking part which plucks the cord so it’s important that you cancel out negative thoughts as quickly as they come to your mind. Let them pass through and change them in golden light or purple light and give them to the heavens for transmutation.  Another lady recently said that she sees all her negative thoughts as she is standing next to a river as leaves fallen from the trees to the river of life and sees them floating down stream and transmuting in the water. That is another great visual. The concept here is to release the negative stinkin thinin from your being. When we send enough of these microcosmic negative thoughts into the collective consciousness we are creating energy to feed not such pleasant results. Of course we can diffuse it with the thinking of waves calming in the ocean to a gentle lap against the shores but it’s easier to just be aware of the fact that we feed those larger snowballs of negativity when we do not cancel it out.

Positive thinking in a world full of negative influences and banter is not an easy thing to do. We are programmed from a very young age to think negative thoughts about ourselves and the world around us. Children are not born with things like fear and anger, those things come as they learn from their own environments and the things we stimulate them with. So we have to basically re-think that far back our own thought patterns. Recognizing our own defense patterns and mechanisms. Recognizing when we are living our story and not our present. Recognizing when we are blaming instead of owning our own stuff. Being able to rise above all of that and come to a place of grace and forgiveness is a whole other story! But it is when we are able to come to these states of grace that we are no longer in conflict with the inner shadows of our human nature and programming. We are coming from a place of being and allowing that does not have conflict only peace and harmony and love.

It takes conscious effort to achieve this control over a very active mind and ego. These things are there for a purpose and they do serve us, however, they do not control us, we control it. The same is true of the emotional body. Positive thinking is a huge part of healing and beginning to come to a place of self love and centeredness.

I could go into all types of reasons on a physical body level why positive thinking is important, however in a nutshell our thoughts, music, words we hear or use, effect our DNA and genetic stuff as well as our overall well being. A recent interview I heard with Dee Wallace she puts an interesting spin on stuff, she said that when we experience trauma, that our feminine and masculine energies become imbalanced and freeze in a state of fear and we get stuck in that fear, her suggestion was to with love and gentleness and talk with your inner child let them know that you are in charge now and that you will keep them safe to follow you in expanding yourself to your greatest potential in a positive light and that you will keep that inner child safe. This is the ultimate trust and safety we can achieve, to trust ourselves. To move through and release and reprogram that we do not love ourselves or others. Forgiveness and grace around these situations. Remember that how things appear on the surface to wait and look beneath. There is lots of ILLUSION n delusion running amuck. Tricks upon the eyes and minds eyes so be aware and discern in love and joy whenever possible, see the best within all beings and things. Even the crystals are being affected so it is important that we keep a positive thought whenever possible, to dive into the negative lower vibrational only perpetuates it. So if you are feeling panicky or in a place of fear then think of a place of serenity. You can go to your happy place simply by taking a few deep breaths and thinking differently. Put a happy song in your ears, your mind, your heart and soul. Smile and think of happy things even when you are sad. Realize pain lies in dreams and the past, neither are the now. Know that you are loved and supported by many angels, guides and beings now and always. We control our thoughts and emotions, what do you choose. Release the expectations that people will do as they say see past where they are coming from fear and see the light within them as they too are growing and expanding in their awareness and consciousness, allow them to be and recognize it is theirs and you do not have to own it or pick it up and look at it unless you so CHOOSE. Smiles. I choose to be love. I choose to be joy. I choose to be expansion always in the light. I choose to see things in a different way and be ok that I am the way I am now in this moment.

Make it a great day everyone! Whenever you read this! There is no time like the present! LOL.

xox Kimberly

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Greetings and salutations one and all. Today I would like to focus on a very serious and growing problem with our young people today…. suicide, ptsd, bullying, and our schools.

There’s a lot of news in the headlines of late, how many people are flipping out for a multitude of reasons. I believe the magnetics has a lot to do with it. But too, so does our society.

One of the political banners I have carried over the years has been the issues within the schools. I have a special needs child who has fallen through the cracks of the system for years. If it had not been for my educating myself as to the laws and how their game is played, we would have never survived middle school!

I find it interesting that Mr. Obama is on the same track with the idea that too many of our children are dropping out of school and in extreme cases out of life. Teen suicide rates are up to an all time high right now. It is critical that we start getting in touch with our youth NOW! We need to get to the core issues of why this is happening before we an stop it, otherwise we are just treating symptoms, putting a bandaid on it and the main issues will recurring  until we deal with the core of the problem. Our children lack respect, they lack guidance because our generation doesn’t know what they are truly dealing with in these kids. How can we ask our children to display respect when most adults do not treat each other with respect? Even with our current president our adults are behaving in very hateful ways to each other, so really what do we expect from our children today ???


In the headlines just this month, a teacher walks on campus in Alabama and blows away several co workers before killing herself, a math teacher has to tackle a 35 year old gunman in Littleton, CO just last week, Boulder High had a bomb threat two weeks ago and a child in Mass kills himself behind bullying all of this after the columbine children brought to our attention the need for reform within our schools! Ladies and gentlemen, our schools, our children, are NOT SAFE! Budget cuts and school closures have increased classroom size, decreased funds for specialized schools and programs for these kids who do not fit into the mainstream. These are the troubled kids, the ones who cannot seem to find their niche, their place in life. Their parents and they turn to the school systems and mental health systems and social service systems for help and there is none there.

My own personal battle with a variety of school districts has got me hot under the collar about this issue of bullying in the schools. I am currently in that battle of my son and I vs. the school district over these very issues.

Indigo children, which most of the younger generation is, are here to tear down the systems and to make way for the crystals and rainbows to repair and rebuild. But indigos are not about repair. So for parents this is a challenge because they find themselves facing rearing a child who is wired as an entirely different creature then anything we have had to deal with before. They are gifted, they are highly intelligent,  yet appear lazy and mouthy often times. They are more angry and moody then the children of past generations due to their wiring designed to tear down systems that no longer work for the good of all concerned and prepared for the coming frequencies of the future. They lack motivation except for video games and rebelling against the machine so to speak. Why groups like Emo are created.  Yet they have their own unique ways of getting the system to change its ways. A slow process but effective.

So what we find is the new wave getting labeled ADD, ADHD, Bi-polar, Depressed, Etc. We surpress their great talents and subdue them so they are “manageable” killing their spirits with drugs they do not need like seroquil or ridalin  when Really what is happening with most of them is that they are sensitive (empathic), they come into this reality and density, they are not used to the body idea and they see the chaos all around and they are wired to want to tear it down and make it better. So because most of these young beings come from other universes and planets and have never been to 3d Earth, they struggle to fit into their new environment, and they learn differently then the children of the past, they require a more visual and tangible way of learning.

The problem with this is the schools have not changed their curriculum for teaching in over 60 years! This is why our children are failing because our system is failing to keep up not our kids!

These children, suffer the trauma of being human, they suffer because they are singled out in the social arenas at school and at home and they never seem to fit into the square little boxes people try to put them in. They are teased brutally and endlessly. As a result they often times develop PTSD symptoms and they either get reactive or they shut down. These children are the ones with no voice in this world. I for one have done my best to be a very active voice and bring light to this very dark matter.

Our children are committing suicide, having intimate relations and doing drugs and alcohol and getting addicted to violence and porn as a result of  prolonged pain from the unacceptance by their peers and family, their exposures to the net and video games and how society deals with these topics so openly. Kids today do not respond to “do as I say not as I do” discipline. We must be the example for these children in life. Most of the reactions these kids show are things that if the situation happened to an adult, we would react much the same way, but because they are kids, no one listens or it doesn’t apply to them? Really how does that work? We say respect is earned…. are we earning their respect by behaving in ugly ways?

Part of this shift is understanding there is no separation. This includes, kids and adults. Yes it is our job to guide them and teach them, they have their own path,  it is not theirs to be our slaves at home doing all the work, that should be a team effort or beating them into submission as many parents have been trained by their own upbringing, but to treat them as mini people, mini adults, the way you would want to be treated now,  because they are exposed to very adult things at a very young age, so to go with the old way of doing things, is doing a dis service to our youth in not preparing them for the real world. We shelter them and protect them but to do it too much so then turn them loose in the real world. This is where the depression comes in for young adults, so much pressure and culture shock,  they just fold emotionally. Hence the increased suicide rates.

We need to do something about this issue. Our drop out rates here in the United States is absolutely unacceptable. Our children are our most valuable commodity they are our future. We are failing them as a society placing a higher value on a ball players and actors then a teacher or school and we need to put action to this to make a change! Start attending your local school board meetings, talk to people who advocate for children and see what they can offer as advice to deal with the many issues that arise when your child falls into this void with no voice. There are laws in place which can be used to enforce the no bullying policies and if there are none where you live then I would write your local authorities, school superintendent and congress people and let them know you are “Mad as hell and you are not going to take it anymore!”

Nothing will change if we all think that someone else is dealing with this issue. I have for years wanted to form a coalition of parents, teachers and students to create their own lobbying group and start making some political noise about this issue. I encourage you to begin in your own neighborhood with the parents.  Not all kids are wired the same, we have to make a way to accommodate all children not just the 80% majority. No child should be left behind, on this point Mr. Bush and I agree. Change begins at home, start making some noise, contact local news places as you hear about these injustices in our district with these kids. The children and parents feel like it’s us against them and they learn quickly that the system is in need of change. So to you my audience, please get involved in this, get active and find out what your kids are dealing with at school. When we were 10 our biggest concerns were which bike or doll to play with, our kids today, deal with guns at school, gangs, drugs, sexting, by the time they are in fourth or fifth grade now! So look at their texts, look at their emails and IM conversations while playing games and what not on the computer, get nosey! Be proactive in preparing your kids because it starts much sooner then you would imagine. If your child is suffering from bullying contact your local truancy officers and court officials and ask what can be done to cease the issues. Take things to the next level and do not fear. For the only thing you have to fear is fear itself! Ok maybe apathy falls in with fear, apathy is our worst enemy in this country as I see it…

I will revisit this issue further later on down the line, sharing with you some of the issues people have run into with regard to this. Until next time! Peace, love and light!

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We have recorded most of this blog to audio, we did not include all the videos on the recording but a few snippets to get the idea of what was shared. Thanks! Now onto the blog!

Greetings and salutations! I do hope the day is a beautiful one for you!  We have been working very hard on adding new features to the blog as well as the sites for Illuminations of Light. Preparing for our guests up and coming on the radio show.  I am pleased to announce that we will be having Ronna Herman as our first guest, we also have Michael Jaco, ex USNavy SEAL who has written a magnificent book called “The Intuitive Warrior” which I have to tell you guys is a fantastic book for everyone especially the young men in your life! My fifteen year old couldn’t put it down! That show will air 3/9/10-9pm mst. Then of course the Sedona Lights crew joins us 2/23/10! So lots of great guests, we are so blessed and honored to have them joining us! Be sure to tune in for the show!

Ok so enough of the radio stuff and onto today’s subject.  This is a difficult topic to discuss for most people because trust like love can be an illusive emotion. Not sure how to describe it. Why do we require it? What does it mean to you? How do we trust when no one has ever given us something to trust about? These are questions I hear a lot from clients and myself in my own evaluation of what trust is.

Well I cannot say that I am an expert, but I can share with you what the experts say… and give you my opinions about this topic based on what my feelings are.

This is a fairly good article on the topic of rebuilding trust after betrayal

I have had some difficulty in writing this particular entry of the blogs, because on a personal level, the breech of trust has been a prevalent message for me on a personal level.  In the course of this year, I have experienced in people that are close to me, turning on me and betraying me on many levels. So in the course of doing research, a lot of my own stuff came up.  When I evaluated it, did my list, I recognized that I was continuing to have the expectation that people would do what they said, behave a certain way, keep their promises, honor my belongings in my home and vehicle, to honor my wishes, my physical body, to do a job well done for monies earned, be my friend and not my enemy. That is a lot of expectations to have out there in the thinking processes. Then came the word FAITH. To have faith that everything will be handled and fixed. If I believe it will. But you know in the throws of my panic, and I definitely was panicked! I found it very difficult to focus on anything else except how in the world was I going to do all I needed to do and make things come together. This led to looking at my need to control. I had to tell myself, I had no control over any of the things which were taking place around me. And mad about it! Then I had to come to a place of acceptance with that idea, not easily, my inner child was fighting this big time! So once I evaluated what I did and did not have control over, I was able to breath again.  I was able to put things out of the emotional state back into a spiritual state with some deep breathing, talking to a friend, food, crying to release the built up frustrations, rest and then processing.  In the end, it was a computer error, all was fine and I was not as bad off as I originally thought. But I will tell you the drama that set off in my mind was pretty amazing even to me! I was going there! After so much loss this past several years, after all the fighting I did last month to make the radio show and such come together financially, the friends I have had to say goodbye to for good, trust and trusting the universe was not in my mindset. I had to consciously pull it back to get to that point of balance again.

So what is trust?

Trust is a comfort zone within our being that allows us to fully relax and be ourselves. To know that our confidences will be kept and our beings honored and respected. By my definition anyways.

On a metaphysical level however, it is holding onto expectations. If we are having expectations and or judgment about a thing then we are not coming from a place of unconditional love. Because unconditional love has no room for either by definition. Things just ARE. People are where they are in their path and lessons, and sometimes they can act out of character due to outside circumstances, or imbalances which are not within our ability to control. Circumstances can look one way and turn out a totally different way then we thought. If we allow our past experiences to rule our reactions, we are not coming from that place of peace or love.

Forgiveness:

When we agree to forgive a broken trust or betrayal it doesn’t mean that we forget. But it is in the not forgetting that we remember our lessons with regard to that incident.  It’s in the remembering that we recognize certain signs right? Many people would agree with that statement, but the reality is if we are staying truly in the moment, in the right now, then we are not experiencing the exact same thing in the exact same way, we are in a different place because we are different and have hopefully grown from that past experience. If we have not let go then there will be reactions, expectations and lots of self sabotage.  Of course I am not referring to life threatening circumstances, I would not recommend that you stay with a person who continues to be abusive, but you can in the recovery come to a place of tolerance and forgiveness of that person.  If we know a person is a chronic liar, white lies, half truths, omissions of facts to the whole story, or just bold face lies to our face. The person is more then likely coming from a place of fear that they would feel the need to lie.  So try to see things from their eyes. Why are they doing what it is they are doing? Are they ill? Are they afraid? Are they within their rational thinking zone? If not then know that they will have to deal with the consequences of their own actions. They will be repaid by the law of cause and effect. Look at them with pity not anger and loathing and disgust, with compassion for the pain they must be under. This is coming from the place of uncondtional love. Remember, ” Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.” None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are repeated because the person does not see themselves as doing that, i.e. compulsive liars, sociopaths, co dependents, addicts, or just people who are in denial or believe their own lies they have been telling them so long. In the instance of adultery, this is something that can definitely be worked around and through if you love your partner enough to put the effort and the work involved to make it work.  Often times cheating is a symptom of much deeper rooted issues within a persona or a relationship. It’s the core reasons WHY someone looks outside of a relationship which are the real culprits of the break down. Communications are essential, being honest with one’s self and then their partner is also essential.

Honesty. To be able to at the very least, be honest with yourself. When you are cheating and lying to your family, you are a liar. That’s not calling names, it’s stating a fact. You are lying to yourself to think otherwise.  If you are not following through with your word, you are lying. If you are not keeping promises or going back on them, you are lying.  If you are flaking on appointments and making excuses that’s still a form of lying and if you are telling a half truth, or half information, that too is a lie.

Webster’s defines these terms as such:

Lie-

intransitive verb 1 : to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
2 : to create a false or misleading impression

transitive verb : to bring about by telling lies <lied his way out of trouble>

synonyms lie, prevaricate, equivocate, palter, fib mean to tell an untruth. lie is the blunt term, imputing dishonesty <lied about where he had been>. prevaricate softens the bluntness of lie by implying quibbling or confusing the issue <during the hearings the witness did his best to prevaricate>. equivocate implies using words having more than one sense so as to seem to say one thing but intend another <equivocated endlessly in an attempt to mislead her inquisitors>. palter implies making unreliable statements of fact or intention or insincere promises <a swindler paltering with his investors>. fib applies to a telling of a trivial untruth <fibbed about the price of the new suit>.
Liar-
Main Entry: li·ar
Pronunciation: \ˈlī(-ə)r\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lēogere, from lēogan to lie — more at lie
Date: before 12th century

: a person who tells lies

Honesty-

Main Entry: hon·es·ty
Pronunciation: \ˈä-nəs-tē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural hon·es·ties
Date: 14th century

1 obsolete : chastity
2 a : fairness and straightforwardness of conduct b : adherence to the facts : sincerity
3 : any of a genus (Lunaria) of European herbs of the mustard family with toothed leaves and flat disk-shaped siliques

synonyms honesty, honor, integrity, probity mean uprightness of character or action. honesty implies a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way. honor suggests an active or anxious regard for the standards of one’s profession, calling, or position. integrity implies trustworthiness and incorruptibility to a degree that one is incapable of being false to a trust, responsibility, or pledge. probity implies tried and proven honesty or integrity.
Trust:
Main Entry: 1trust
Pronunciation: \ˈtrəst\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, probably of Scandinavian origin; akin to Old Norse traust trust; akin to Old English trēowe faithful — more at true
Date: 13th century

1 a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed
2 a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope b : reliance on future payment for property (as merchandise) delivered : credit <bought furniture on trust>
3 a : a property interest held by one person for the benefit of another b : a combination of firms or corporations formed by a legal agreement; especially : one that reduces or threatens to reduce competition
4 archaic : trustworthiness
5 a (1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another b : responsible charge or office c : care, custody <the child committed to her trust>

in trust : in the care or possession of a trustee

Betray-

Main Entry: be·tray
Pronunciation: \bi-ˈtrā, bē-\
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from be- + trayen to betray, from Anglo-French trahir, from Latin tradere — more at traitor
Date: 13th century

transitive verb 1 : to lead astray; especially : seduce
2 : to deliver to an enemy by treachery
3 : to fail or desert especially in time of need <betrayed his family>
4 a : to reveal unintentionally <betray one’s true feelings> b : show, indicate c : to disclose in violation of confidence <betray a secret>intransitive verb : to prove false

synonyms see reveal

be·tray·al \-ˈtrā(-ə)l\ noun

be·tray·er \-ˈtrā-ər\ noun

FORGIVE:

Main Entry: for·give
Pronunciation: \fər-ˈgiv, fȯr-\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): for·gave \-ˈgāv\; for·giv·en \-ˈgi-vən\; for·giv·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English forgifan, from for- + gifan to give
Date: before 12th century

transitive verb 1 a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult> b : to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>
2 : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon <forgive one’s enemies>intransitive verb : to grant forgiveness

EXPECTATION:

Main Entry: ex·pec·ta·tion
Pronunciation: \ˌek-ˌspek-ˈtā-shən, ik-\
Function: noun
Date: 1540

1 : the act or state of expecting : anticipation <in expectation of what would happen>
2 a : something expected <not up to expectations> <expectations for an economic recovery> b : basis for expecting : assurance <they have every expectation of success> c : prospects of inheritance —usually used in plural
3 : the state of being expected
4 a : expectancy 2b b : expected value

ex·pec·ta·tion·al \-ˈtā-shə-nəl, -shnəl\ adjective

JUDGMENT:

Main Entry: judg·ment
Variant(s): or judge·ment \ˈjəj-mənt\
Function: noun
Date: 13th century

1 a : a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion b : an opinion so pronounced
2 a : a formal decision given by a court b (1) : an obligation (as a debt) created by the decree of a court (2) : a certificate evidencing such a decree
3 a capitalized : the final judging of humankind by God b : a divine sentence or decision; specifically : a calamity held to be sent by God
4 a : the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing b : an opinion or estimate so formed
5 a : the capacity for judging : discernment b : the exercise of this capacity
6 : a proposition stating something believed or asserted

synonyms see sense
BALANCE-
9 : mental and emotional steadiness
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE:
to love unconditionally, no expectation, no judgment or opinion, to allow people and things to just BE as they are right now.
If we are communicating well and effectively, if we are coming from a place of forgiveness and unconditional love, if we are allowing the other person to be themselves in a non controlling fashion, if we are being courteous and kind and understanding and compassionate to those around us, trust comes naturally. When we lack trust, we are coming from a place of lack, of fear, of non belief and non faith. This does nothing for the other party or the situation, only serves to make us upset and angry. We have to release the expectations that people behave a certain way or we are trying to exert control over something we have no control over. Thus our feelings of betrayal. We are truly responsible for how WE feel. No one else. Trust in yourself. Trust in the universe that all things are perfect at all times. Trust in the ebbs and flows of life. Give thanks even in the moments of greatest frustration and despair.
FAITH- Find Answers In The Heart!  If you are truly a spiritual person, then KNOW that things will work out for your highest good and the good of all concerned. KNOW that you are not alone EVER! When we say a prayer, say it like this…”Thank you for <insert the thing you are asking for>” and KNOW that it’s been heard and will be answered one way or the other. Then LEAVE IT THERE! If you begin to worry, or fret or discuss it you take it back from the universe! Let go and let god! Means leave it there, and know in your heart that it will be handled! If you can do this, if you consciously make that choice in the middle of the worry, you will see that things clear up much more quickly, answers are revealed, solutions brought to the light, opportunities open up again. We are truly our own worst enemies. We muck things up all the time. People are human. Humans learn from experiences good and bad. Sometimes, it takes a lifetime of experience to get it, sometimes several, but it is neither right or wrong. For there is no right or wrong. There is what works and what doesn’t work for us. Cause and effect. But there is no right and wrong. Just what is.
So if you are struggling with the issues of trust. Whether to trust or not. How to feel that peace and flow where trust and safety just are there. Begin with YOU. Look at those things which you do not really wish to admit to yourself. Healer, heal thyself. Begin with being honest with yourself brutally honest. See if this doesn’t change your attitude and your life just a little bit. It is something which is earned, how we treat each other makes a big difference. Consistency and repeated behaviors instill security and that safety feeling. Keeping confidences. Keeping your word. Things that we all would like to have. So put that out. Be an honest person to the best of your ability. Be a forgiving and caring person, you would want that if the shoe were on the other foot. Do not be extreme, use good common sense. If someone is hurting you, do what you can to stop them from doing it again. Do not put yourself into circumstances which will encourage the behavior. If someone steals from you, do not leave valuable things alone with them. If someone constantly lies to you, take it with a grain of salt and verify it. Do not accuse just because they have done it before, doesn’t always mean they will do it again, so ASK for clarification when words and actions do not line up. If they still lie then walk away, do not engage. Feel sorry for them and walk away knowing you know what the truth is. For they may see their version of the truth and they are entitled to it even if you disagree. If someone has left you for another, then they are not meant to be with you, it’s their choice too. If they have been unfaithful and broken an agreement, look at the reasons why and assess the core issues. It may or may not work out, you may find the other issues are not ones that can be worked out, then again you may find they can be and it will bring you together even stronger then before. No the love and the feelings can never be the same, but we can choose which way they go. We choose, we decide. We also when dealing with others have to honor their freedom of choice too. That’s a tough one to swallow for most. Why we love them and they will not love us back. What did we do ?? Sometimes, most times, it’s not about YOU. It’s about them and their own issues or insecurities or fears. Sometimes its just time to move on, people are in our lives a day, a season or a lifetime. Not all things are meant to last forever, just for their time. Acceptance is difficult. WE want to control outcomes, we want to control other’s behaviors. Reality, looking at things as they are , not as they could be or should be or were.  I’m sure there are many out there who would disagree with this assessment of trust and the solutions it provides and that’s fine. These are my perspectives, how I get through, how I can forgive even the most dreadful behaviors. Perhaps some of this will  help you or someone you know when you are faced with betrayal of any kind. The disappointment which stems from expectations not met. That’s on us. Not the other person. They have to live with their actions and words and choices. Just as we all do. But we can overcome the lack of trust in others and ourselves. It takes work and real honesty within ourselves.
I think that’s enough for today. Blessed be, one and ALL.
with love n light in my heart,
Kimberly
Here’s some other experts and what they have to say on this topic.

Patty German-Individual Therapy: Learning to Trust Again

Burt Harding on Trust
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Burt Harding on What to do when caught in emotional suffering….What’s Next?
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Burt Harding on Loving Acceptance Brings Total Change…
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Learning to trust again …. Why should we?
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Part II of Learning to Trust Again….
There are 15 entries to this last video series, you can access them on the right side of youtubes other videos.
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Learning to trust others the right way….
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Be an encourager
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How to get your partner to trust you again….

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Greetings and salutations one and All!  Happy Tuesday to you! I do hope today’s blog finds you well!  Today I would like to focus on forgiveness.  During this time frame, I have noticed there are quite a few people coming out in defensive stances and taking things personally. I have said before that in order to stay in the heart, you must learn to accept people as they are, where they are in their own path.

We have no control over other people, only ourselves, our own reactions/responses to various people and situations. And IF we are getting reactive and angry or hurt, then we need to look to ourselves to find out why. Where is this emotion coming from? What is there that I am supposed to see? What fears are at the core? Why is it bothering me that people do not like my work? Why is it bothering me this person is being unreasonable? Yes, normal REACTION is self defense, but the RESPONSE could look more like, “You know, I really do love you, and because I do love you, I am walking away or hanging up the phone right now. When you are done with your moment then get back to me!” Then let it drop at your feet. Think about something else or do something else in another location.

What happens quite often times, if we do not do this immediate releasing and allowing, then we stuff that emotion until the core of it explodes in our face. Usually through some over reaction to something else. Not feeling good about myself because others my whole life have told me so. I could never amount to anything because they told me so! These are old tapes playing that are not truth. They are someone else’s truth forced upon you that you accepted and bought into. So in order for us to deal with the lack of self worth, our higher self will call forth people continuously! YOU  brought them into play with that particular message so you could work on this issue within yourself! Learn to recognize your own responsibility in why things happen to you. Why particular circumstances are presented to you. This is not the solid rule here either. Sometimes we are put into situations to witness some behavior or being so that we can discern later when we see it again, or just to bare witness to a scene or behavior. We are Creator’s eyes. What we see reports back to the ONE consciousness.

So if you were to step outside the situation, scene of the crime, whatever, and really look at it from an observer’s perspective. How was the other person’s bio rythm that day, or how was their horirary chart in that situation. What was their intention, and how did the actions and words differ, and what was the fear base in this whole situation? Mine and theirs. This is how you begin to break things down. When you can look to see the patterns in your experiences. i.e. a person needs to deal with co dependency so they choose a family with nothing but alcoholics so they can experience that. A person who needs to deal with abandonment fears will have multiple failed relationships until they over come the fear of abandonment. Do you see? This again is how we begin to take responsibility for our own stuff. It’s not about what the other person did or didn’t do, it’s about how you looked at it, how you perceived it, how you experienced it,  and to be honest with yourself about it, i.e. admit you could have possibly mis interpreted the other person’s perspective because you were playing old tapes, bringing the past to the present, or can you see this person as just playing a role , like role playing to help you see yourself. Holding the mirror for you to see you?

I do not proclaim to be anything except a woman who has experienced an awful lot of this in her own personal journey and learned a lot along the way.  When I get discouraged I look behind me and see how far i have come, even though the road ahead is still seemingly long. I can perservier.

People have no idea what it is to be a light worker in some capacity. We get hit harder, faster, more often then most with just the most bizzare situations and circumstances, which never seem to stop! WHY?! We demand to know! Why me?! Then we want to blame everything and everyone else around us or the situation. They didn’t have to say it that way! Can you believe he did that! They don’t like me! This type of behavior is called projection. When we blame others for our own issues. Again the mirror thing.  We are really mad at ourselves. Mad that we allowed this to happen. Our inner child runs rampant with fear and causes all kinds of crazy behavior and reactions. This is part of the human journey for many. Not forgiving can manifest in all kinds of ways and colors. It’s not just pinpointing to one area, it is usually many areas of our lives which are affected. The dis-ease of carrying all that anger and hurt around within our being is a huge weight. We auto dispense it when it gets to be too great! Part of the trick is what I just explained earlier in this conversation. Prevention through logic and unconditional love. If it’s too late for that and the damage has been done, then do some meditation work around the person or situation. Write it out, take a picture of that person and draw a heart around it. Remember the good things this person brings to you, even if it’s hard to find right then. Make a tape recording and listen to it later, write a letter and put it away for a few days when you have a different light on things. I have found that if I take time to not react, and just be still until I get to a place that I have the greater understanding, I will not say a word until I have thought about it and what I want to say about it if anything. Most times, I find, it’s so NOT MY ISSUE! It’s the other person’s! I do not have to pick it up and FIX it! I do not have to FIX THEM either! So I can walk away, thinking to myself, I feel sorry for them being in such a place of pain they have to react this way. I instantly forgive them for they know not what they say or do….for if they did , surely they would not behave in this manner.

Here’s the nuts and bolts of it. THE LAWS OF CAUSE AND EFFECT AND KARMA. What we put out we get back three fold and sometimes more if we did it with malintent. Here let me say that just a tad bit louder so you can really HEAR IT! WHAT WE PUT OUT, WE GET BACK!

If you put out anger and hatred towards another person, then that is what we are going to attract to our lives. More people, more circumstances, same stories different actors. Holding onto anger and fear etc. Doesn’t affect the other person ONE LITTLE BIT! Who is getting affected? Who is sick and all high blood pressured out with tears and a headache and cannot eat?? Them! NOT! YOUUUUU! Why in the world would we do this to ourselves? Well, because those are all triggers to tell us to look at it, so we can just avoid it or accept it more easily the next round.

If you look at it this way, that this is self sabotaging and really counter productive to feeling happy, we can at this point make a different choice. We can choose to forgive them and pray for them that they get their lesson with ease and grace. Because we are all human. We are all subject to the same sets of lessons just in a different order. We cannot judge them, non forgiveness is a form of judgment. We have all been there at some point in some lifetime if you are an old soul. We get more of the lessons, because we already passed the semi final exams. In this lifetime we are in the finals. So all of our accumulated experiences in all lifetimes are coming to a nexus point. That is why all the bad stuff happens.

Or perceived bad, I try to not see things in duality anymore, things just ARE. Not good or bad , right or wrong. It’s not an easy thing to forgive, and to take responsibility for our own stuff. Nor is it easy to admit we need to forgive ourselves in addition to other people.

It’s important we forgive for ourselves, for our sake, our health and well being, for our spiritual growth. Otherwise it’s toxic and will like all poisons come out worse the longer it’s in our system.

Make a list of the important relationships in your life. What was the common message each brought to you? What are the patterns. In seeing them on a cognacant level we can then adjust our thinking and address the issues. Until then , until we can see it and admit it within ourselves. and believe me acceptance is at times the most difficult thing to do! Phew! A doozy in some instances! The key is to forgive, not necessarily forget, but forgive for sure. You will have learned a very valuable lesson if you learn this one well.

Love n light to one and All! xoxo Kimberly

Here’s a song that is always my theme song when the energies get thick!

Some beautiful reasons to forgive…..

Dr. Laura on Forgiveness

More from Dr. Laura

Letting go… Dr. Laura

that kinda reminded me of the story the hopi told that i posted last week!

This next video is the Gift of Forgiveness-Healing Humanity

Thought this was interesting too. I do not look for the videos until after I write what I think, just so you know. These are really good affirmations for me that what I am saying is good and true. Smiles. Thank you spirit for guiding me so well. Aho!

This is a good example of real forgiveness…..

I do hope you found these videos thought provoking and will lead you to journey within. God bless you each and everyone !

Until we meet again!

Love n Light and blessings!

Kimberly

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I am pleased to announce that we now have this blog on audio! So you can listen to it even if you do not have time to read the entire blog! Enjoy! xox Kimberly 2/7/10.

Part II- Audio Blog

Part III-Audio Blog

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A perfect song for today’s topic. Love it!

Greetings and salutations one and all. It was not the weekend I had hoped it would be, I was ill for most of it, and missed the pow wow unfortunately. So I did some research for my up and coming show with Elizabeth Rose on OUR WORLDS on ZTalk radio. We are going to be discussing relationships. In preparing for this show, I really had forgotten how much there is to talk about this particular subject.

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What is co-dependency? What is enabling? How do we become co – dependent?

These are some of the initial questions people have when you begin to discuss this topic. Much as other issues, in some circles this term is over used and so people have forgotten that it’s a serious issue in this country especially! MOST people have been involved in some form of dysfunctional relationship at some point in their lifetime. This is a condition which affects 75% of the people who end up in unhealthy relationships. It starts off all wonderful, (the honeymoon period), and then turns into something very different then a loving relationship.

I think one of the best explanations of this issue is explained in Mental Health America’s explanation of it. They outline they symptoms and affects in our lives.

They define it as , “Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.”

They go onto to say, “Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t touch. They don’t confront. They don’t feel. They don’t trust. The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited.”

“Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self.”

This is the crux of the situation, as the Mental Health America see it, you can spot co dependency in these characteristics:

Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine – and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity.  They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.  The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.”

There is so much more information out there on this topic! I would encourage everyone to read this article! Very informative and I am sure you will see someone you know in this description or possibly yourself.

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My input is this:

Why is loving self first so very important. – Religion teaches us the wrong thing, to love others before ourselves. The Truth is that if you love Creator/God/Goddess/Allah, you MUST love yourself first because IT resides within us! To deny ourselves is to deny Spirit! The greatest blasphemy of all, the one adam and eve committed, they walked away from God by doubting themselves and feeling shame. We are doing the same by not honoring and loving ourselves and the spirit within us in our hearts. So it is not SELFISH to love ourselves, it’s SELF Centered, meaning centered within ourselves. Not that we are the only one in our own universe exclusive from all else in existence type of Self Centered.

How do we get to this point? – Again how we are raised contributes a lot to how we are programmed. I use the word programmed because that is what it is. We are living bio computers, who are programmed and as such we have the ability to CHANGE that program within ourselves.

How do we get out?- The first step is to look at yourself honestly. My daddy used to tell me, wherever you are , there you are! and he also used to tell me and still does, “there are somethings you admit to the whole world, then there are those things which you only entrust to a select few, then there are those things which we would never tell a soul, then there are the things we cannot accept and admit to ourselves, and therein is where our sickness lies”. My daddy is a very wise man! Words of wisdom from those who have been here longer then I are always a better way to learn. So it begins with the one in the mirror. Louise Hay who is one of my personal heros, taught us that how we see ourselves directly reflects in ailments later on in the body. One of her techniques to loving yourself is looking in the mirror and telling yourself you love you and really mean it. NOT an easy thing at first. The other suggestion she makes is to do positive affirmations.

Home is where the heart is, and if we do not take care of ourselves then who will? -We are always striving to get home, what does this mean?- Home is love. Where we feel safe and at peace enough to let our hair down and be ourselves. So wherever you are there you are, home is wherever you are!

What steps to take when we are learning to love ourselves again??. -Do things that used to bring you joy as a child. Getting in touch with your inner child is critical in the healing process of becoming whole again. Coloring in coloring books is a great therapy for people who are learning to get in touch with themselves again. Blowing bubbles or flying a kite or going for an ice cream CONE instead of a bowl! These may seem like small things, but seeing life through the eyes of a child is a good first step to work towards.

DO YOU! Break the cycles of co dependence strive for self empowerment and INDEPENDENCE.~

Co dependence is a condition that plagues many here in the united states. It is one of the number one conditions in most relationships today. People who are trying to fill something outside of themselves get locked into these types of relationships on a regular basis. They take on many forms, addiction, abuse, isolation and much more. We get into the mode of not loving ourselves feeling like we deserve that on some level and so we stay put even when it’s detrimental to our well being. It drains the heart and the spirit. When we are around negative people of any kind they are stealing our energy and so we are left drained, if we do not put it back then we are leaving the door open for other more serious issues down the road. Apathy and accepting or settling for less is one of the common results. People get so focused on the other person that they forget they have their own life to live and a duty to themselves to stay healthy and happy. Therein is the rub. If we do not believe in ourselves this is a very difficult step. So how does one begin to break the cycle? Well as we have already mentioned loving yourself and believing you are lovable and deserving of love is part of it. For guys, the bigger issue is learning to love at all.

Most men are taught that love is a weakness and something that is not to be desired, love is about conquest not partnership, that being emotional or vulnerable is a bad thing. Understand the opposite sex and how they think becomes important to understand and know. Men go their caves to work out emotional stuff, women we have to talk about it with everyone around us. A very key difference that most women or men do not get even about themselves. So learning to communicate again in a better way is part of this process. When you get the urge to jump in and save someone because they are not behaving in a rational or appropriate manner, wanting to FIX them or the problem at hand, we have to learn to let them learn on their own. Allow them to go off and do what they do because that is who they are right now! Most of us get locked into what could be if only….. how many times have you heard that! Setting goals, there’s nothing wrong with that, and working toward them fine, but to live as if it’s going to happen over night, is an unreasonable standard. Learning to not expect things from people, is another key thing. When we expect people to behave or respond a certain way, we are trying to control the outcome. We usually will get just the opposite if that is where our thinking is. Thus setting ourselves up for disappointment. We then get into the victim/martyr syndrome and so the cycle begins of not loving ourselves enough to break it. So learning to communicate our boundries to people we love, which will often times result in a lash out from those closest to us. But will eventually turn itself around, this can take years in some instances.

Some ideas to take the first steps:

Take up a hobby in your spare time. Do reading, or writing, or running or charity work, something to occupy your own time. The more you keep your own world and interests, the less you will be thinking of the bad stuff or the other person, and when you do meet someone you enjoy, you will have something to share, to offer to help you both grow and keep the love lines flowing. Most relationships become stagnant because we come to a point where we feel we have given everything but what happened to me in the process, we lose ourselves in others definitions of what we should be, mom , dad, brother , sister, whipping post, scapegoat, doesnt matter which position it is, it’s still not US and who we are inside really. In giving too much of ourselves up this is a common result. So do you, what makes you happy, what brings you joy, without another person being involved, learning to enjoy your own company is key as well. All baby steps, do not push yourself too hard or you will feel overwhelmed and not want to continue the process voluntarily, I say this because once you start , there really is no turning back.

Make a list and check it twice. – Make a list of the perfect things ideally you would want in your mate. Then check yourself against that list. Are YOU all of those things? If your answer is NO, then you are not ready for a serious committed relationship. Because you are seeking those qualities outside yourself. Secondly- Check that list against the ones who have been in your life, how did they match up to the list. If they didn’t what qualities are you willing to work around or compromise on , can live with?  Then what qualities you cannot stand, ones you cannot compromise or live with. Do the same for friends, what is a friend to you? What does that look like. Are you a friend to others? (be totally honest). Putting the various relationships up on the board, look for patterns, you will see what the programming is that they feed. This is part of learning to be responsible for the things which happen in our lives. We often bring people to be the mirror to look at these very things. Most people just do not know where to start. So making a list is a great tangible way to look at yourself and your life and relationships honestly. People talk about writing a journal this could be part of that journey.

The greatest love affair you could ever have is one with yourself! – you have all you need within you to be a whole person. The question is are you willing to do the work it takes to achieve that especially if there are challenges, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being alone, fear of success. These are all challenges we come to the table with in our lives, overcoming them, having the understanding and knowing that you survived it, only feeds the fire to love yourself. Confidence is not exaggerated ego, the way some would see it or you. So love you!

It takes two whole people who compliment one another to make a lasting relationship. 1+1=2 NOT 1 like all the songs and propaganda would have you believe. Get back to basics. Fireproof the movie and book lay a great way to achieve this for couples who have been together awhile. We are NOT our story, or anyone else’s. We have the power to change ourselves, how we see things makes a big difference. Looking at ourselves is HARD work! But so worth the journey and the destination. How can you hope to find love if you do not know it exists within you always!

Respect, common courtesy communication- we get so lost in our corporate / survival mentalities we forget these very basic things in our relationships and interactions with people.You have to give without expectation of something in return. The laws of cause and effect, Law of Attraction, The Golden Rule, all tell you the natural result, but expectation will attract the Law of Opposites.

The art of courtship ….. People have forgotten to take the time to get to know each other before hopping into bed together and making babies. Take the time to get to know the person and watch them move through changes so you can more accurately compare that list you made. Allow that person to become a trusted friend before you talk about love. Yes you can have attraction , even soul recognition and perhaps this is a person who destined for you for a time, but if you base your relationships on that type of feeling , chances are you will not survive as a couple. So taking the time to get to know each other and compare your lists for a perfect mate see where they line up and where they do not, see if you can compromise in the areas which are not perfect, if there are too many negatives and not enough positives, if both people are not shoulder to shoulder walkin gin the same direction then you are setting yourself up for failure. (feeding old tapes you are not good enough) So learning to be friends and taking the time to allow that without the complication of hormones in sex, be celibate and learn to LIKE the other person. We can love someone to bits and not like them!and not be able to live with them. My daddy said to me, “If you can be friends for five years and endure all the changes people go through in that amount of time, you have a good shot at the marriage lasting!” I say friends first, last and always.

Can you commit to yourself, the way you commit to everyone else you love? – I challenge you the audience to do this, make a commitment to yourself to do something loving and good for yourself daily for thirty days. See what results you get from yourself, your thinking and the people around you.

I dare ya to! I double dog dare ya! Giggles!

Those were excerpts from my notes for the show on Wednesday on OUR WORLDS with Elizabeth Rose on Ztalkradio.com 5-7pm EST.

Here are a few YOUTUBES on the topic you might find helpful as well.

I liked her message to the younger generation didn’t you?

If you think that you have these issues, I recommend you research it, see many perspectives. Seek help. Co-Dependents Anonymous (CODA), Adult Children of Alcoholics, or a professional family counselor. There is no shame in exploring one’s self!

I do hope you found some interesting and useful information in this blog entry. Please send in questions on this topic to Illuminationsoflight@yahoo.com. We will be answering questions LIVE on Wed too! Numbers to call..

Until next time! Peace, Love and Joy! xoxo Kimberly


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