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Epigenetics is the new biology that will soon be taught in our schools. The discovery of this new science was a result of stem cell research. Conducted by a man named Dr. Bruce Lipton, who is now dubbed the grandfather of epigenetics.  This man is brilliant! So in honor of the fact that this wonderful man is going to be this weeks guest, I am going to do two sets of blogs on him and his work.  Today’s focus is his work, why it is that we are so very excited to have this man on our show! He has been a hero of mine since I first began studying epigenetics! I almost a year ago posted stuff up on Facebook showing the world this man’s brilliant work! So it truly is an honor, blessing, and dream come true to be able to speak to this man in real time and tell him personally how very much I appreciate his work and courage to present it to the world!

So onto what is Epigenetics….well in summation it is this….when we were in school, we have always been taught that the nucleus and dna were the brains of the cell operation and that we were basically slaves to our DNA make up. Well, this was based on old religious teachings that it was “presumed” this was the case and everyone just kinda accepted that truth and went on for generations teaching this as truth, ahhhh until Dr. Bruce Lipton came along and said “Hey why don’t we test this to make sure that is the case since there is no scientific evidence stating this to be true” and so he did. Tested it that is. And guess what he found??? The cell operated like cells operate without the nucleus when he removed it from the cell! Now not being a brain surgeon or anything, but if you take the brain out of anything it will die! So what does this mean?! Well it means that the nucleus is the gonads of the cell, the blueprint for the cell, not the brain! So then where is the brain? Well that was his next question.

What he found was this, the brain of the cell is the skin or the membrane around the cell. Hence “Epi” which is outter or skin of …. “genetics” the study of cells. BRILLIANT!!

So what Bruce explains in his book, ” The Biology of Belief” , all about the “HOW” that works. I would recommend you read his book highly. I will be posting some YouTube discussions on this particular subject. I will warn you this is a long presentation and it is accompanied by Bruce’s friend and associate on the psychology of change. So I will post these as part of this blog so you can see for yourself the “how” this works.

I can tell you this. ALL of the big boys have quoted this man’s work. Wayne Dyer, Deepok Chopra, Gregg Braden, and many others. This is the breakthrough which merges science with metaphysics, the tangible proof that we can heal ourselves and change our entire being by simply changing our thinking to a different perspective.

Thanks to Dr. Lipton, we now understand why that works that way. This work needs to be taught to our children. The truth of biology revealed to them. I encourage you all to share this book with everyone you know especially educational types. Teachers, principals, etc. Because this is truly revolutionary information.

Not new certainly over 10 years in the making but certainly worth investigating and educating yourself and others on for sure.

For the sake of space I will post only the first three of Bruce’s lecture and three from his counter parts, you can find the rest on the right on YouTube in their proper orders. I would encourage you all to listen to these over the weekend and tune in for the show on Tuesday 9pm MST on blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight.

Without further adieu….Dr. Bruce Lipton on the Biology of Belief lecture series.

This is the actual lecture, the previous was an interview with Bruce explaining the new Biology….

part II

part III

There are 7 total videos in this lecture series and part 4-6 he really gets into the how and why. I do hope you enjoy this portion of the lecture.

Bruce’s counterpart is Rob Williams, now Rob focus’ on the Psychology of Change and the understanding of how on a psychological level Bruce’s work is so phenomenal in working with psychology.

Here is part One of Rob Williams on the second half of the Biology of Belief lecture series.

Part II

Part III

There are 8 parts of this portion of the series and again you will see them in order to the right of the video on YouTube.

This I hope will give you an idea of some of Bruce’s work. Why we are so excited to have him as our guest this week. This is one interview I wish I had four hours to talk to him! LOL he’s just great! Down to Earth and friendly and funny!

Tomorrow we will focus on Bruce the man and talk about his latest book ” Spontaneous Evolution” and you will see he is the man with the plan!  So be sure to tune in for our show and come back tomorrow to read more on this very fascinating man!

http://www.illuminationsoflight.com click guest star pages for more about Dr. Bruce Lipton. or visit Bruce’s site http://www.brucelipton.com !!!

Be well one and all! xoxo Kimberly

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Greetings and Salutations! One and All! Well I will tell you this has been a very dynamic week for me personally with all the energies going wild and bouncing off of everyone and everything! Some awesome new stuff was born out of this chaotic energy but it was very difficult to ride this wave!

One of the things I have been learning to do is to be aware. We touched on this in the last entry on mindfullness and we gave you an exercise to play with over the week. How did that go for you? Did you start to notice any changes within your being?

Dr. Bruce Lipton, talks in his book, ” The Biology of Belief”, about how our ” Perceptions” can absolutely have a profound effect on our physical and emotional well being. How we “see” our world through our filters of experiences can be skewed and absolutely create real physical issues. It’s been said, there is your truth, my truth and THE truth. The fact of the matter is, all of us have these experiential filters that cause us to have the experience of something loving or something fearful. If we are in a state of fear, our physical bodies go into a protection mode and we stop growing, we lower the immune system, and deplete from other systems in the body that we use for growth, because on a very primal level we are telling the body to prepare for fight or flight. When our bodies do this, extra blood etc. is sent to the muscles to get ready to run or fight. When we come from a place of bliss or peace or love, our bodies are relaxed and in the mode of growth. The very interesting thing which I found amazing in the ” Biology of Perception” was the tidbit that all of our habits, and beliefs are stored in the “subconscious” not the “conscious” mind. That these two are like two different people. The “subconscious” is very logically based and likes order and is “timeless” it does not know past or future, only current input in the NOW moment, it does not understand otherwise. The “conscious” mind is the part of us that says, “Hey let’s go check that out and get some new experience!” It is the free flowing creative side that doesn’t mind chaos, and getting stuck in the past or the future creates issues if we address issues from this perspective. This is the problem with self help books. They address the conscious mind not the subconscious. You have to address both to gain true healing and balance.

So what are some ways that we begin to reprogram the subconscious mind to be in harmony with our conscious mind? Well there are many tools out there which can be used to achieve this goal. As with all things intent and commitment are key. You have to have a willingness to achieve this. Now at times the subconscious is not ready to accept that change.

How can you tell if the subconscious is ready or not? The human body is equipt with its own bio feed back equiptment! It’s fantastic! Kinesiology is a wonderful tool to help assess and diagnose an issue that may be blocking healing. This same idea can be used to correct thinking and perception.

With regard to mindfullness, where are you feeling it in your body. Last week we had you note 20 things in a room when you found yourself triggered. This week I want you to be aware of where you are feeling your feelings in your own body. What physical signals are you getting from your own body (natural bio feed back) about how you are feeling.

If you wish, take this a step further, and write it down, so you can see in writing, what time of day, what are the triggers, what is the core emotion that is associated with that, it can be simple like feels good or feels bad. By creating this record you begin to see the patterns of your own responses and how your body is affected. By doing this you can begin to reprogram the thinking patterns which were learned at a young age.

I am going to post some videos which far better explain this process of kinesiology and the ways you can use this modality to shift yourself and your perceptions.

Dee Wallace shared a wonderful exercise she did with her seminars, that she would give everyone a PlayDough ball and tell them to create something. Everyone would. Then she would instruct them to mush it up into a ball and create something else.  Her analogy being, we as humans complicate things, that changing our life and our reality is as easy as mushing up that playdough and starting another creation. Instead, we like to hold that creation, drag it around with us everywhere showing it off to everyone etc not doing anything to change that thinking.

So practice being aware of what you are feeling, and where you are feeling it in your own body. Use your own natural biofeedback to help you identify what the challenge areas are within your own being.

Watch these videos on some tools to use to begin to make real changes in your life, in your “perceptions” and beliefs! Let us know what you think!

Until next time! Blessings from me and mine to you and yours in the heart of Oneness. Namaste~!

This first set of videos are from Bruce Lipton, he explains the biological reasons that positive thinking works and how.

I will only post the first one, there are seven in the series! Watch the entire set!

This second set is part II of the lecture featuring Rob Williams, the creator of PSYCH-K, who gives wonderful tools to remove old programming and replace it with new improved ideas that are more in alignment with where you want to be!

This is the “Psychology of Change” by Rob Williams this is part 1 of 8 and you will want to see all 8!

This is a different take on his method

This is a short one on self testing

This again another version of self testing from the folks at enjoyabetterworld.com

This is Dee Wallace on Creative Consciousness, interview on Braveheart Women

This is part 1 of 3, this book is dynamite! You will want to see all of this interview!

Finally Gary Zukav and Linda Francis talk briefly about Authentic Power!

I do hope you find these videos helpful, I know I certainly have.

Blessings all until we meet again!


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Greetings and Salutations One and All! I do hope the weekend has been a beautiful one for all of you thus far. As for me, things here in Boulder, CO have been quite pleasant.  I was able to get some house cleaning or Spring Cleaning done to help usher in the new energies as we enter into a wave of love. We have another 3.3.3 gate which opens today and another yet coming up as well and Mars is going direct on the 22nd and so we should see some very positive and creative energy coming in a huge wave over the next couple of weeks. Yay! I love the springtime! I hope you did something wonderful to celebrate!~I myself purchased some tulips as an offering of Spring to Mother and celebrated with a feast and lots of thanks for all the love and harmony that is in my life!

This weeks show should be interesting! Lianna, Petite Lion, my lovely co hostess will be asking me questions she’s always wanted to know about me and I will be asking her questions regarding some of her experiences on her journey! We both have some very interesting experiences to share with all of you and we are looking forward to this show and will be doing mini readings as part of the call ins this week. So you will for sure want to tune in this week to blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight! We will discuss things like crowning and earth shifts and much much more! Don’t miss out!

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Greetings and Salutations! One and All! Please be sure to join us tonight for Mary Lou Acimovic who has written a book called Mild Traumatic Brain Injury: The Guidebook, and will be discussing the topic of brain injuries and how they affect our lives. Over 1 million people are affected by this condition each year. Tune in Tuesday 9pm MST blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight !!!

Mary Lou Acimovic has been a practicing speech pathologist for 32 years.  She obtained a Masters Degree in Speech Pathology and Audiology from the University of Colorado.  She is certified in biofeedback (Senior Fellow status) and neurofeedback by the Biofeedback Society of America.  For the past 24 years, she has specialized in the evaluation and treatment of mild traumatic brain injury  She served as the director of the Brain Injury Program at the Mapleton Center for Rehabilitation in Boulder, Colorado and participated in the development of one of the first comprehensive programs in the nation specifically for the treatment of mild traumatic brain injury.  Currently she is in private practice in Boulder.

Ms. Acimovic serves on the Governor’s Brain Injury Advisory Board and advocates for patients’ rights.  She has presented regionally and nationally and has published articles on topics related to mild traumatic brain injury.

Mary Lou is truly a lady who knows her stuff, and you will be shocked and enlightened when this show is done! There are so many people who are afflicted with the conditions we are going to discuss, especially our service men and women! You owe it to yourself to find out more about this condition and who it affects and how, what can be done about it, and how can we be supportive of those who are suffering from it! Be sure to tune this is a show you will NOT want to miss!

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Audio Blog is recommended for this entry ….

Greetings and salutations One and All. Today, I want to continue with a topic we started awhile back on Sopheggios which is an auditory form of meditation training. Today though, I want to take you through a guided meditation which i have taught for years. This is a chakra clearing meditation which I use with beginners in my classes.

As with all meditations, how you get there is entirely up to you, these tools I share may not work for everyone, however, as with trying all tools, use them repeatedly for a period of time, say a month to see if it makes a difference. Old habits take 21 days to break they say, another week for good luck and sureness I say. It takes the brain this long to form a new habit, so allow it time to work properly, most people feel instant relief from this particular one I am sharing today. My student Chrissy, has asked for years that I put this one in audio form so she could use it at home not just in class. So it is for her that I am sharing this particular meditation. I love ya sister!

When listening to this meditation, please sit up in a chair or couch, and get comfortable. Place both feet flat on the floor. Sit up straight but with relaxed shoulders and back.

Your breathing technique, is to breath in through the nostrils and envision the crystalline light particles filling your lungs, spreading throughout the bloodstream and to all parts of your body on a cellular and then molecular level. Put your tongue on the roof of your mouth while you are slowly inhaling and holding, then in a slow controlled count of three open your mouth totally and envision all of the negative stuff leaving your body through your breath and natural elimination systems of the body. Repeat this a minimum of five times. With each exhale, allow the body to completely relax and listen to your breath.

Once you have completed these initial cleansing breaths, continue to breath in this manner and see within your minds eye, a tube of light running from the heavens, as you want to ground to the universe as well as the Earth for this exercise, all the way to the core of the planet. Running the light tube through your body. From the earth begin in your mind to pull the purified energies through the tube of light, through your feet, ankles, calf, knee, thigh, and lower back area. At this point envision your base chakra, it should be red. If it is a dark red then it needs to be cleared and filled with light, so use the energy being pulled from your feet to fill this with light and watch it change colors and possibly flow direction. Once this is the color of a bright red then like a thermometor see the energy moving up to the sacral chakra which is the color of orange. This should be a bright orange like a pumpkin, if it is darker (often it is with this chakra) then repeat what we did with the base chakra until the energy is flowing clockwise and spinning in a way and the color is a bright orange. As before, move this energy upward to the solar plexus, the belly button to diaphram area is about the location of this and it is seen as the color gold. Again, fill this with light and as you do see it change into a pyramid around you, feel your connection to all things, for this is where the strand of life is connected. Bask in the light of your own being, heaven’s light surrounding you and running throughout your entire body. Be still in this for a moment as you continue to breath deeply. As you are ready pull that energy back into yourself and allow it to move into the heart chakra. See the balloon of light as green with bursts of pink in it. See the bubble getting bigger so that you are now in a bubble of love all around you and that bubble grows bigger to fill the whole room you are in , then the entire house, the entire block, see it moving through all beings on the planet and the planet herself, send out all that love in your heart and see the bubble getting even bigger expanding out to the universes and finally to the original divine creative source, and then when you have reached that point feel all the love all the beings you sent love to sending it back to your heart as you pull that bubble back to your heart, you feel the love of all things of the one filling your being, and once it is back to your heart then push that energy upward to the throat chakra. The throat chakra is dipicted as blue. See a crystal blue ocean like carrabean blue and imagine yourself swimming in it as you swim out further come back to the balloon and see the balloon filling with indigo blue, a deep blue with purplish hughes running through it see this blue light running throughout your body and all cells, dna and atoms and drawing out all the sickness and dis-ease within the body all of the trauma and negative thoughts and see it taking it out through your extremities, hands and feet and sweat glands and excretion systems, the blood being cleansed and white blood cells and red blood cells being produced in the bone marrow and all blockages of cholesterol being removed, lungs are filled with healing and all bronchi are renewed see the body and think to yourself, i am healthy and whole and all parts are back to their original form on my physical blueprint, and remember to continue to breath, see the stuff shaking loose, vibrating off and being released and expelled from your entire being and auric field. Running the blue light throughout all things within and outward of your field, healing to all things. Then pull this back and see a triangle with you inside of it, as you move the energy now upward over your face to the third eye, located between the eyes on the forehead. Envision the color purple here and the purple flame, see a curtain being pulled aside and the purple flame transmuting negative thinking and feelings transmuting you from being asleep to awake, opening up your minds eye and see all that can be seen in truth and clarity, see the veil being pulled back so you can see the truth of things. Sit and be with your highself while in the safety of this triangle, allow your mind to bring you what it might have to share with you now, and continue to breath. Deeply and slowly, relaxing your body, filling it with light, releasing all negative feelings and thoughts and transmuting them with the purple flame is there any points within your body you can still feel stress or tension, send light to it and release it through transmutation to a neutral energy or golden sparkles of light being taken to heaven for transmutation if you prefer. allow the third eye to bathe in this light and let your mind go where it will, let the spirit soar, now come back to you and move the energy up to the crown of your head. This is where the plates of the skull come together, or where a yamaka would be worn on the head. Envision the color white, see your skull open up like a lotus flower and light pouring out and up to the heavens, open wide and light being poured back into you, see all the colors of the rainbows as a waterfall of light washes over your entire being. Call all the parts of your energy that may have been taken or left behind to return back to you from all time lines and see that being added into the river and poured back into your being, running that light all through the chakras and body and down through your feet to the core of the planet for cleansing. Continue to breath deeply, now see that purified energy return up through your entire body back up to the heavens, like a circular flow through out your aura and body and spirit let that light flow like the river filling your being and cleansing you, continue to breath, listen to the breath, and the feelings you are currently experiencing, what messages you might be hearing in your thoughts, what pictures are coming to your mind, what emotions are being stirred and where are you feeling them in your physical body. Just relax, and breath, in through the nose , tongue on the roof of the mouth and hold and slowly exhale…. when you are ready, i want you to start coming back into your body, and feeling your senses physically, when i count to three you will be wide awake and refreshed and re vitalized and clear thinking…continue to breath….you are coming back now….. slowly waking up ……. one you are more clear in your thinking…..two…..your body is full of energy and spunk……three….you are now fully awake and aware and happy and at peace. Please now shake all of your hands and clap and shake your feet and legs, get the blood moving, rotate your neck and shake your shoulders and stretch your back…..please be sure to drink at least three glasses of water in the next hour to help the body remove the toxins which were released during this cleansing meditation and thank you so much for allowing me to share with you this wonderful tool which Spirit shared with me years ago. I hope that you find this helpful in the future. This is one of the meditations I will be including in my book, ” The Lightworkers Handbook, 101″ Due to be released later this year.

Remember practice makes perfect, most people do not feel much when this is first being practiced this thing called meditation, some have trouble with mind chatter, and others feel that they cannot breath right, but in time I promise you this tool becomes like air to you, and you need it and it feels wonderful. Eventually you master it and only need take breaths a few and you achieve the same feeling. Taking time for you even if for five or ten minutes a day, is absolutely necessary to feeding yourself. To being a good parent to yourself, to being a good friend to yourself. To loving yourself. This is critical to “get” for your survival in the future as the frequencies begin to do their thing. Some of you may have your own chakra clearing meditation you do, but however you do it, what ever works for you, just remember this is one of those basics that needs to be done daily and sometimes several times a day if you are dealing with people a lot. I will get into other ways of helping to clear your energy fields and chakras as we get into spiritual baths and water. But for now, this concludes our blog entry for today on meditation. Blessings to each and everyone of you! Please be sure to tune into Illuminations of Light LIVE! with Joshua James, founder of Sedona Lights Radio Network, this Tuesday Night 9pm MST on blogtalkradio.com/illuminationsoflight! Don’t miss out on this interview as we discuss many things, including Joshua’s time in Brazil at the Casa with John of God. It should be a great show! Love, and light, peace and blessings I bid you a good day!

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I am pleased to announce that we now have this blog on audio! So you can listen to it even if you do not have time to read the entire blog! Enjoy! xox Kimberly 2/7/10.

Part II- Audio Blog

Part III-Audio Blog

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A perfect song for today’s topic. Love it!

Greetings and salutations one and all. It was not the weekend I had hoped it would be, I was ill for most of it, and missed the pow wow unfortunately. So I did some research for my up and coming show with Elizabeth Rose on OUR WORLDS on ZTalk radio. We are going to be discussing relationships. In preparing for this show, I really had forgotten how much there is to talk about this particular subject.

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What is co-dependency? What is enabling? How do we become co – dependent?

These are some of the initial questions people have when you begin to discuss this topic. Much as other issues, in some circles this term is over used and so people have forgotten that it’s a serious issue in this country especially! MOST people have been involved in some form of dysfunctional relationship at some point in their lifetime. This is a condition which affects 75% of the people who end up in unhealthy relationships. It starts off all wonderful, (the honeymoon period), and then turns into something very different then a loving relationship.

I think one of the best explanations of this issue is explained in Mental Health America’s explanation of it. They outline they symptoms and affects in our lives.

They define it as , “Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.”

They go onto to say, “Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t touch. They don’t confront. They don’t feel. They don’t trust. The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited.”

“Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self.”

This is the crux of the situation, as the Mental Health America see it, you can spot co dependency in these characteristics:

Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine – and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity.  They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.  The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.”

There is so much more information out there on this topic! I would encourage everyone to read this article! Very informative and I am sure you will see someone you know in this description or possibly yourself.

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My input is this:

Why is loving self first so very important. – Religion teaches us the wrong thing, to love others before ourselves. The Truth is that if you love Creator/God/Goddess/Allah, you MUST love yourself first because IT resides within us! To deny ourselves is to deny Spirit! The greatest blasphemy of all, the one adam and eve committed, they walked away from God by doubting themselves and feeling shame. We are doing the same by not honoring and loving ourselves and the spirit within us in our hearts. So it is not SELFISH to love ourselves, it’s SELF Centered, meaning centered within ourselves. Not that we are the only one in our own universe exclusive from all else in existence type of Self Centered.

How do we get to this point? – Again how we are raised contributes a lot to how we are programmed. I use the word programmed because that is what it is. We are living bio computers, who are programmed and as such we have the ability to CHANGE that program within ourselves.

How do we get out?- The first step is to look at yourself honestly. My daddy used to tell me, wherever you are , there you are! and he also used to tell me and still does, “there are somethings you admit to the whole world, then there are those things which you only entrust to a select few, then there are those things which we would never tell a soul, then there are the things we cannot accept and admit to ourselves, and therein is where our sickness lies”. My daddy is a very wise man! Words of wisdom from those who have been here longer then I are always a better way to learn. So it begins with the one in the mirror. Louise Hay who is one of my personal heros, taught us that how we see ourselves directly reflects in ailments later on in the body. One of her techniques to loving yourself is looking in the mirror and telling yourself you love you and really mean it. NOT an easy thing at first. The other suggestion she makes is to do positive affirmations.

Home is where the heart is, and if we do not take care of ourselves then who will? -We are always striving to get home, what does this mean?- Home is love. Where we feel safe and at peace enough to let our hair down and be ourselves. So wherever you are there you are, home is wherever you are!

What steps to take when we are learning to love ourselves again??. -Do things that used to bring you joy as a child. Getting in touch with your inner child is critical in the healing process of becoming whole again. Coloring in coloring books is a great therapy for people who are learning to get in touch with themselves again. Blowing bubbles or flying a kite or going for an ice cream CONE instead of a bowl! These may seem like small things, but seeing life through the eyes of a child is a good first step to work towards.

DO YOU! Break the cycles of co dependence strive for self empowerment and INDEPENDENCE.~

Co dependence is a condition that plagues many here in the united states. It is one of the number one conditions in most relationships today. People who are trying to fill something outside of themselves get locked into these types of relationships on a regular basis. They take on many forms, addiction, abuse, isolation and much more. We get into the mode of not loving ourselves feeling like we deserve that on some level and so we stay put even when it’s detrimental to our well being. It drains the heart and the spirit. When we are around negative people of any kind they are stealing our energy and so we are left drained, if we do not put it back then we are leaving the door open for other more serious issues down the road. Apathy and accepting or settling for less is one of the common results. People get so focused on the other person that they forget they have their own life to live and a duty to themselves to stay healthy and happy. Therein is the rub. If we do not believe in ourselves this is a very difficult step. So how does one begin to break the cycle? Well as we have already mentioned loving yourself and believing you are lovable and deserving of love is part of it. For guys, the bigger issue is learning to love at all.

Most men are taught that love is a weakness and something that is not to be desired, love is about conquest not partnership, that being emotional or vulnerable is a bad thing. Understand the opposite sex and how they think becomes important to understand and know. Men go their caves to work out emotional stuff, women we have to talk about it with everyone around us. A very key difference that most women or men do not get even about themselves. So learning to communicate again in a better way is part of this process. When you get the urge to jump in and save someone because they are not behaving in a rational or appropriate manner, wanting to FIX them or the problem at hand, we have to learn to let them learn on their own. Allow them to go off and do what they do because that is who they are right now! Most of us get locked into what could be if only….. how many times have you heard that! Setting goals, there’s nothing wrong with that, and working toward them fine, but to live as if it’s going to happen over night, is an unreasonable standard. Learning to not expect things from people, is another key thing. When we expect people to behave or respond a certain way, we are trying to control the outcome. We usually will get just the opposite if that is where our thinking is. Thus setting ourselves up for disappointment. We then get into the victim/martyr syndrome and so the cycle begins of not loving ourselves enough to break it. So learning to communicate our boundries to people we love, which will often times result in a lash out from those closest to us. But will eventually turn itself around, this can take years in some instances.

Some ideas to take the first steps:

Take up a hobby in your spare time. Do reading, or writing, or running or charity work, something to occupy your own time. The more you keep your own world and interests, the less you will be thinking of the bad stuff or the other person, and when you do meet someone you enjoy, you will have something to share, to offer to help you both grow and keep the love lines flowing. Most relationships become stagnant because we come to a point where we feel we have given everything but what happened to me in the process, we lose ourselves in others definitions of what we should be, mom , dad, brother , sister, whipping post, scapegoat, doesnt matter which position it is, it’s still not US and who we are inside really. In giving too much of ourselves up this is a common result. So do you, what makes you happy, what brings you joy, without another person being involved, learning to enjoy your own company is key as well. All baby steps, do not push yourself too hard or you will feel overwhelmed and not want to continue the process voluntarily, I say this because once you start , there really is no turning back.

Make a list and check it twice. – Make a list of the perfect things ideally you would want in your mate. Then check yourself against that list. Are YOU all of those things? If your answer is NO, then you are not ready for a serious committed relationship. Because you are seeking those qualities outside yourself. Secondly- Check that list against the ones who have been in your life, how did they match up to the list. If they didn’t what qualities are you willing to work around or compromise on , can live with?  Then what qualities you cannot stand, ones you cannot compromise or live with. Do the same for friends, what is a friend to you? What does that look like. Are you a friend to others? (be totally honest). Putting the various relationships up on the board, look for patterns, you will see what the programming is that they feed. This is part of learning to be responsible for the things which happen in our lives. We often bring people to be the mirror to look at these very things. Most people just do not know where to start. So making a list is a great tangible way to look at yourself and your life and relationships honestly. People talk about writing a journal this could be part of that journey.

The greatest love affair you could ever have is one with yourself! – you have all you need within you to be a whole person. The question is are you willing to do the work it takes to achieve that especially if there are challenges, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being alone, fear of success. These are all challenges we come to the table with in our lives, overcoming them, having the understanding and knowing that you survived it, only feeds the fire to love yourself. Confidence is not exaggerated ego, the way some would see it or you. So love you!

It takes two whole people who compliment one another to make a lasting relationship. 1+1=2 NOT 1 like all the songs and propaganda would have you believe. Get back to basics. Fireproof the movie and book lay a great way to achieve this for couples who have been together awhile. We are NOT our story, or anyone else’s. We have the power to change ourselves, how we see things makes a big difference. Looking at ourselves is HARD work! But so worth the journey and the destination. How can you hope to find love if you do not know it exists within you always!

Respect, common courtesy communication- we get so lost in our corporate / survival mentalities we forget these very basic things in our relationships and interactions with people.You have to give without expectation of something in return. The laws of cause and effect, Law of Attraction, The Golden Rule, all tell you the natural result, but expectation will attract the Law of Opposites.

The art of courtship ….. People have forgotten to take the time to get to know each other before hopping into bed together and making babies. Take the time to get to know the person and watch them move through changes so you can more accurately compare that list you made. Allow that person to become a trusted friend before you talk about love. Yes you can have attraction , even soul recognition and perhaps this is a person who destined for you for a time, but if you base your relationships on that type of feeling , chances are you will not survive as a couple. So taking the time to get to know each other and compare your lists for a perfect mate see where they line up and where they do not, see if you can compromise in the areas which are not perfect, if there are too many negatives and not enough positives, if both people are not shoulder to shoulder walkin gin the same direction then you are setting yourself up for failure. (feeding old tapes you are not good enough) So learning to be friends and taking the time to allow that without the complication of hormones in sex, be celibate and learn to LIKE the other person. We can love someone to bits and not like them!and not be able to live with them. My daddy said to me, “If you can be friends for five years and endure all the changes people go through in that amount of time, you have a good shot at the marriage lasting!” I say friends first, last and always.

Can you commit to yourself, the way you commit to everyone else you love? – I challenge you the audience to do this, make a commitment to yourself to do something loving and good for yourself daily for thirty days. See what results you get from yourself, your thinking and the people around you.

I dare ya to! I double dog dare ya! Giggles!

Those were excerpts from my notes for the show on Wednesday on OUR WORLDS with Elizabeth Rose on Ztalkradio.com 5-7pm EST.

Here are a few YOUTUBES on the topic you might find helpful as well.

I liked her message to the younger generation didn’t you?

If you think that you have these issues, I recommend you research it, see many perspectives. Seek help. Co-Dependents Anonymous (CODA), Adult Children of Alcoholics, or a professional family counselor. There is no shame in exploring one’s self!

I do hope you found some interesting and useful information in this blog entry. Please send in questions on this topic to Illuminationsoflight@yahoo.com. We will be answering questions LIVE on Wed too! Numbers to call..

Until next time! Peace, Love and Joy! xoxo Kimberly


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